Subject: Woot!
Author:
Posted on: 2011-10-30 04:07:00 UTC
Wow, that was a hideous fic. Now I'm squeeing over baby Harry, though.
*minor corrections* I thought Harry's middle name was James, not Sirius. Parselmouth has the E before the L. "Whipped" has an H. Wouldn't it be in *time* with the humming, not "tact"? Oh, and I think former Sues are supposed to use their Sue powers as little as possible (mostly Priyala I'm thinking of here).
Yeah. Three thingies. That's what you get when you procrastinate a mission by writing interludes.
Things to warn for: The fics may want to make you bang your head against something, some f-bombs are dropped and the usual PPC things.
Website
Interlude (introducing Priyala)
Mission
Interlude (during the mission)
Thanks to all my betas for enduring me.
Your agents have a good dynamic about them. They have a few good bits of back and forth, which is something I always like with agents. I also enjoyed how you gave Nathan a distinctive voice. Too often I've had to reread bits of mission because the characters sound so alike I can't discern who's talking.
The one major thing that concerned me was the ending. I didn't really understand what happened. The whole thing seemed very jumpy, very rushed. Jumpiness is okay with heavy action scenes, but if you push it too far the entire thing becomes nigh unreadable.
Also, I don't know if it's just me, but the text for you story turns completely grey part way through. It's probably just an html error or something, but it does make it a little hard to read (particularly on a white background.)
I look forward to your next mission.
Ah, yeah, I might stretch out the ending a bit. To be honest, I just wanted that darn thing to end.
And on topic of the error: That's weird. I mean, I'm sure I closed all the <span> tags again. And for me, it works.
What browser do you use?
Okay, this is weird. On a hunch, I checked the story against using a different web browser and the formatting now looks fine. I guess it's a problem with Internet Explorer (the browser I used before) rather than your text.
Ah, it was an error on my end. Firefox glossed over this nicely.
Aside from correcting some things, here's the Lost and Found page again.
Click me!
Feel free to adopt, but tell me about it.
Wow, that was a hideous fic. Now I'm squeeing over baby Harry, though.
*minor corrections* I thought Harry's middle name was James, not Sirius. Parselmouth has the E before the L. "Whipped" has an H. Wouldn't it be in *time* with the humming, not "tact"? Oh, and I think former Sues are supposed to use their Sue powers as little as possible (mostly Priyala I'm thinking of here).
Oy, thanks for the corrections, but I've already been informed and I was just too lazy.
About Priyala: Having psychic powers is part of her character and using them on the wrong people can produce hilarious results, hence I'm keeping that.
but I've already been informed and I was just too lazy.
That's kind of disrespectful to your readers, isn't it? And also something we get annoyed at badficcers about? If you're too lazy to correct your own work, what business do you have sporking someone else's?
For the same reasons, it's also probably not a good idea to brush it off too lightly if someone around here suggests your character might have Sueish tendencies (and Jacer is right, former Sues are discouraged from using Sue-powers; it can make them relapse). Please think about it.
~Neshomeh
...I mean "it was so late it was soon again and I was half-asleep". It's up to date for now.
And for Priyala, I'm still in the progress of figuring her out. I'll probably do a thing about powers and consequences and stuff. I'll see what I'll change.