Good one. by
Caddy-Shack
on 2011-10-08 02:28:00 UTC
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Jake and Jay were fun to read. Always fun to see an ODST in action. Jake is right, an infinite energy sword would be amazing!
Yeah, like Phobos said, kinda MSTish, not that it wasn't very enjoyable anyway though! :D
Kinda curious about the eye thing, it reminds me of Hellstar Remina. I hope it isn't actually based on it.
Nice! by
WebmanJax
on 2011-10-06 20:32:00 UTC
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That Sue was so stupid, it hurt. Nice execution method by the way.
I can't really say anything more than what Phobos already did so, nice work.
Concrit! by
Phobos
on 2011-10-06 02:54:00 UTC
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I enjoyed this mission. The fic was so brain-numbingly bad that I had to stop in a number of places to let my mind reboot.
I liked the knowledge of the canon that you brought to the table, as well. Having played the Halo games, I know some things about the continuum, such as the fact that the Covenant races have names for themselves that the humans don't use. I couldn't have told you what they were, though. The way you injected that information into the mission made sense and didn't interrupt the flow, so good work there.
And now the concrit. This felt closer to an MST than a mission, for me. I never had much of an idea of where the agents were or what they were doing, aside from writing down charges. I think that this could be fixed by doing more of the description yourself. Describe what the effect on the world is. Describe where the characters are standing and how they are avoiding notice. As it stands, there was a bit of fic, followed by a snarky comment, followed by fic, followed by a snarky comment, rinse and repeat.
Not to say that there weren't some very good descriptions on occasion. You did have a few moments where you explored the effect of the badfic. A good example was with the setting in the scene with the Prophets, which was right after the charge for "passing off the description of the locale to canon."
All in all, I think it was well done and enjoyable. The grammar in the fic was terrible, and the Sue was ridiculous. I look forward to seeing what your agents get up to in the future.
-Phobos