I would've responded sooner, but I wanted to make a proper review of it, since it's such a long piece. I'm addressing it to a singular "you," but please interpret as necessary according to who did what bits.
First, that fic was definitely mission-worthy, so good choice of target. I really like House, at least the earlier seasons. I also like bizarre medical mysteries, and I like to think I know a bit more about that sort of thing than the average person, but I STILL wouldn't try writing a House fic. (I have considered a crossover that gets House in the same room with Robin Cook's medical examiner characters, though, because it would be fun to watch House and Jack Stapleton butt heads, but I digress.) And then, canon subject material aside, to not even really include the canon characters at all? Argh. I almost wish I could have sporked it myself. Nume would've had a field day. {= P
Second, the concrit. There are a few specific mechanical things I noticed that could use work:
1. Sentence structure. Not so much later on, but the very first sentence in particular is a bit long and hard to follow, and it uses the "as" convention, which is a pet peeve of mine ever since "The Girl and Her Dragon." *shudders* In that particular case, I'd say drop the "as" and just make the next bit a new sentence: "[Noir] was sitting on the floor playing Solitaire," etc.
2. Dialogue tags. It isn't possible to "gesture" a sentence unless the character is using sign language, and I never got that impression of any of the three. {= ) Similarly, shrugging, nodding, or smiling speech is physically impossible. You can still use them, but as actions after a terminal period in the dialogue. So, for example:
WRONG: "Sure, go nuts. …Not literally, of course," Noir shrugged as he . . .
RIGHT: "Sure, go nuts. …Not literally, of course." Noir shrugged as he . . .
Also, it is okay to use "he said." It's one of those things readers tend to be blind to, so repeating it isn't really an issue, and I got the impression you were trying to use anything but. The trouble is, words like "uttered" are unusual and attract attention, especially if they come up more than once (I counted five). They should generally be reserved only for times you really mean it; in the case of "uttered," when a character is having to make a physical effort to speak for some reason. "Uttered in surprise" is good; not so much when "he uttered" a comment about the charge list.
3. "Plopped." You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. (I suspect you were going for "popped," as in "popped into existence.")
4. Just another quick correction—people can just discuss things. They don't need to discuss about them. They can talk about them, though.
Okay, so much for mechanical stuff. Now, content. I was a bit confused about some of your choices. For instance, the randomly-appearing girl. She only turned up twice, didn't really do anything, and was never explained. I think July mentioned that she worked with you on taking out a fourth agent, so did those couple of spots get missed in the clean-up, perhaps?
I'm also not sure about the whole thing with the RA. For one, I feel like not having a way to get out of the fic and back to HQ should have caused a lot more concern than it did. I saw some of that from Noir toward the end, which was great, but I would have liked a lot more from all of them, maybe some scrambling to think of an alternative, or a way to at least contact HQ, or something.
The fact that they ended up having it all along kinda makes me wonder if having it "missing" just added unnecessarily to the length the mission. The parts with the flashbacks and disclaimers in particular felt slow to me, especially since the agents themselves commented about how pointless they were. I imagine they could have been skipped.
And that's that! Now, the good stuff, because there definitely was good stuff. Like I said, I really enjoyed the end, where everyone was split up and Noir was faced with his demons. It might have happened sooner than you wanted, but it has definitely gotten me interested in his character. The hints about what kind of world he came from were good, too. It's like a puzzle where all the pieces are hidden, and you have to find them before you can put them together. ^^
I'm also keen to see how Ardo handles the role of CAD, though I tend to agree it's probably healthiest for everyone to rely on the devices when possible. Still, given that how Sues describe themselves and how they really behave is often so different, I can see his empathy opening an interesting window into that discrepancy. Too bad he can't use Bleeprin, though, for his sake. I guess Suebuprofen wouldn't be any better, either, since it has the same effect.
Iris is awesome. You got the creepiness across nicely, and I don't envy Noir having to put up with it. >.
The Junior reference was good imagery, too, at least for me. Not pleasant, of course, but well done.
I'm sorry if I don't say much about Nathan, but he was really just along for the ride, and he did fulfill his role as guide appropriately. (I do note that Nathan "said" things, though, so that's good. ^~ )
Oh, and the Technus bit! That was really well done. It was a nice obstacle, and a nice action sequence, and the resolution was brilliant. Chekhov's ipod, that's a new one. I liked the dialogue between Nathan and Noir afterward, too. Seriously, Noir, I know not everyone can think of witty one-liners, but ouch. I hope he never gets better, either. ^_^
Anything more is just gonna be nattering, so I think we're done here. Congrats on the first mission, Flare! {= D
~Neshomeh