http://www.fanfiction.net/s/1138958/1/TeiselBonnevsTheMap

Why did I get this idea stuck in my head? I KNOW it's going to be really, really hard to pull off, but it got stuck in my brain and I knew it was going to nag at me until I did it. So I started it. And then, much to my annoyance, discovered that I am apparently the only person on the planet who knows both canons, and so I have nobody to giggle over it with.

What could possibly go wrong? A lot, as it turns out. One of my buddies described Shadow of the Opera to me, and even though I'm almost completely unfamiliar with the Sonic franchise, I made her send it to me so I could share it here, because, well, the WTF speaks for itself. I'm not entirely sure the whole thing wasn't run through Google Translate a few times in a few languages, because English does NOT work that way. From Chapter 1:

On the rainy night, there was the Opera house with Opera cast. They are mobians. Just then, a young rabbit came up the stage with her chao.
"Everyone! We have a new member who will be joining us!" She said excitedly.
"Really, Cream?" A pink hedgehog asked. Cream nodded.
"Well who is he or she?" A red echidna asked.
"She's a pretty hedgehog. Her name is Maria." Cream replied. The mobians looked at each other with concern.

Outside the Opera house, a carriage stopped by. A elder man opened the door for a yellow hedgehog who dresses in a grey jacket and a hat on.
"Come out, Miss Maria. Your life is here." A elder man said impatiently. Maria sighed sadly and stepped out of the carriage. She got her suit case in her hands, her eyes closed, her head was down as she was walking up the stairs. The carriage leaves as Maria opens the door of the Opera house. As she was inside, voices were heard from across the hallway to the doors that leads to the stage. Maria walks to the doors and opens them and saw the cast practicing their acts and singing.
"Um.... Hello?" Maria called. A blue hedgehog, Sonic, sees her and smiles at her, he ran up to her.
"Hey there! You must be Maria, right?" He asked.
"Yes. I was told that I would be here with you." Maria replied while taking off her hat.
"Yeah, we know. And..... we're sorry about your father." Sonic says as he scratches his head. Maria closes her eyes again, not showing her tears in her eyes.
"You don't need to be, sir. Though it was very upsetting." Maria says opening her blue eyes again.
"Yeah. Oh! By the way, I'm Sonic the Hedgehog! Let me introduce you everyone else here." Sonic says while bringing Maria to the stage.
"Ahh! You kicked me!" A pink hedgehog yelled at the red echidna who was on the floor and now stood up.
"It was an accident, Amy! I slipped!" He yelled.
"Hmph! You always 'slip', Knuckles. You're almost as worse as Silver." Amy says.
"What'd you say?!" A white hedgehog cried.
"People!" Sonic yelled., everyone turned to Sonic's attention and sees Maria. "Everybody, this is Maria. She's going to be living here with us." Sonic says. Maria looks at the mobians shyly.
"Umm.... Hello there." She says.
"Oh, nice to meet you!" Amy says nicely. "I'm Amy Rose."
"Knuckles the Echidna."
"Rouge the Bat." The white bat introduced in a rude way. Maria ignores her.
"I'm Silver the Hedgehog." A white hedgehog said. "And this is Blaze the Cat." The purple cat nodded at Maria.
"I'm Miles Prower." A yellow fox said "But call me 'Tails' like everybody else."
"And I am Cream. It's so nice to meet you, Miss Maria." The rabbit says with a smile. Maria made a small smile to everyone.
"Nice meeting you too." She says. "Is there a room for me in this place?"
"Well of course there is!" A green hedgehog replied. "The name's Manik, by the way. The room for you is the one on the top floor." He says.
"NO!!!" Everyone cried out except Rouge and Knuckles. Maria was confused.
"What?" Manik asked with a funny look.
"Maria is NOT staying in that room alone." Blaze added.
"Why not?" Maria asked.
"That room is forbidin!" A voice said, a rabbit came out from the shadows. She was wearing a black dress.
"Madame Vanilla!" Everyone said.
"Mother! You're here!" Cream says surprisingly.
"Hello Cream dear. Maria, I welcome you to the Opera house, but the room from the top floor is forbidin. You have to be in Cream and Amy's room." Vanilla says.
"But, what's wrong with that forbidin room?" Maria asks.
"It was his room, but never sleeps there anymore. I promised that room of his will never be taken." Vanilla replied.
"'His'? Who's room is it?" Maria asks.
"I can't say anymore, dear. I'm sorry. Amy, Cream, take Maria to your room that you two will have to share with her.
"Yes ma'am." Amy says walking to the left side where the stairs were. Cream took Maria by the hand by leading her to the stair and the room.
Above the girls who are going inside the room, a black figure watches them with red eyes. He then walks away.
"A newcomer in my Opera house...." He whispers. "The girl will be well trained here by Madame Vanilla."

... are the literate bad ones.

I was reading this Dragon Age fic earlier and it had an interesting concept... and it seemed to address some subtle issues... but the more I read it the more I realized that even though the grammar was good and even though the construction was OK, the whole story revolved around getting the heroine laid over and over again. Somehow her awesome feats of combat were built on excuses. She managed things that would be totally unthinkable. And she bent the rules of the canon in order to be both a warrior and a mage at the same time...

Yes, the character was different from the norm. And I almost liked the thing. I almost thought it was a goodfic.

But it was just a literate suefic.

CURSES.

In a TV show about a police family in New York with less than 100 fics, I have already found:

-the "I can tell off any character and always be right" Sue
-TWO spankfics ... the recipient of course is 27 years old...
-a perfect example of a "heroes like redheads" and "I'm better than your wife so dump her and come with me" Sue
-One story that lacks SPaG to the point where the summary states: "Danny gets too ruff with a suspect"

I'm beginning to see Pratchett's points on assisted suicide, i.e.: just kill me now...

Did I mention I found all this in a couple of quick scans of 71 fics? 71 fics!

I know iv'e posted a link to it in the boards a little while ago but, my god...Its just so horrible! "Why WoD WHY?"
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6736078/1/YouBelongWith_Me

AKA "I knew it was a bad idea. Why did I go looking for Ivanhoe fanfic?"

Now, in principle I don't think this is a bad idea. I couldn't pull it off, but I have only casual knowledge of Harry Potter and don't really care enough to put the effort into it. And here lies my "Why?"

The author gave as his/her first justification for why he/she had written this fic that it would require no creative input - just merging Scott's plot with Rowling's characters.

Why? Why, author, do you claim to love Ivanhoe and yet say that giving it an entirely new cast will require no effort? The only way that would be possible would be to simply do a find-and-replace on the names, but then why even bother? If I want to read Ivanhoe, I'll read Ivanhoe. You say it's an AU and you care more about characterisation than canon (by which I assume you mean plot) but how then can you say that this will require no creative effort on your part?

Why, author?

(And why do I keep being surprised and upset by this sort of thing?)