Subject: Hmm.
Author:
Posted on: 2011-08-07 01:44:00 UTC
Normally, I like to start off my comments with the aspects of the piece that I really liked before moving on to the areas that needed improvement. What bothered me about this MST, however, was so big that I feel like I need to bring it up right away. Don't get me wrong; this is very enjoyable and quite funny. But I've got to say this.
I did not like the structure of this piece. The conventional story format, I mean. I've always associated MSTs with the much-maligned scriptfic format, like so:
Quote from the fic being lampooned
CHARACTER: Snarky comment!
OTHER CHARACTER: Response to snarky comment.
Using an otherwise normal format for action and dialogue - as you have done - makes the piece feel sloppy, especially when you take into account that almost every new paragraph starts with someone talking. I feel like you could have turned this into a typical scriptfic-style MST without losing any of the jokes. You actually could have used both styles if you wanted to, using Luxury's pulling of the 'light switch' as the cue to switch over to the scriptfic format. Once the badfic ended, everything would have reverted back to normal.
Still, I understand that everyone has their own style. Feel free to dismiss me as a backwards-looking kook if you like.
*gets down off his Ranting Podium*
You have some excellent character interactions here. I particularly liked Cali's stuttering and blushing routine. I just want to hug him sometimes!
TL;DR: It's very funny, but I did not like the structure.