Welcome fellow newbie! Have a sentient and possibly homicidal A.I.. They're great at parties.

Hi fellow newb! Have a chainsaw!

Enjoy this glass of orange juice!

Have a bowl of Generic Fruit and more Bleeprin.

But the people here are cool.

Have some Glistening Oil. It will change your life.

Hi, have some fudge!

Welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay!

Welcome, friend I've already met! Have a data disc! Because it's nearly midnight and I'm too tired to think of anything more original!

*Waves enthusiastically*

Here's some Bleepka and orange juice. Mix them together for a drink called the Sonic Screwdriver. Use it to blot out memories of badfic, get drunk, and get your daily recommended dose of Vitamin C all at once.

I didn't realize you hadn't introduced yourself on the Board.

So, Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multicolored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly!