Subject: Where's that crate of Bleepka...
Author:
Posted on: 2011-07-14 02:51:00 UTC
I know I got one, but where did I put it? Damn my morbid curiosity... This is the third time in the past two days that I am forced to bleach my brain...
Excellent job with the sporking; it made it almost halfway bearable. But not quite. I'm not sure that ANYTHING could make that thing bearable...
*waves* Hey, guys.
Okay, um... I know most of you like sporkings, but I've still been hesitating about posting this one for quite some time. The reason? The fic I tackled is bad. Not just bad, Bad. Seriously, it's like C*l*br**n met My Immortal met legolas by laura, and the three of them got fused together into one horrendous badfic conglomeration. It features, among many, many other things:
so many canon violations that I could hardly keep track, mangling of the English language so bad that it makes you want to hit yourself with a dictionary, complete ignorance of basic biology, complete ignorance of basic reality, terrible, vomit-worthy yiffy sex between a "human" and a "xenomorph" (and yes, these quotes are necessary), outright bestiality, logic black holes, so many different fandoms randomly thrown in there that I literally lost count about halfway through, rampant OOCness, mawwiage, implied Mpreg (I think), pronoun confusion extraordinaire, and... and...
Ah, I could name everything, but I'd use up the maximum post length. Suffice it to say that this thing? Is NSFB and NSFW to the extreme. Unless you have an iron constitution - not to mention an iron stomach - do not, repeat, not click the following link. This is rated NC-17 at least. You may think I'm exaggerating, or treating you guys like kids, but I seriously am not.
However, if you are foolhardy, here's the link. Just make sure you don't have food in your mouth if you click it. Not that I really recommend doing so, not unless you're thoroughly seasoned in squickfic.
alien companion, by ANBU commander silverwing
(PS: Please don't kill me.)
OK, I just read your entire sporking (and strangely can't do long division anymore. Possibly related) and I can clear up some of the stranger parts. In the horrible orgiastic mess of fandoms here collected, one of the ones the author-creature is leaning on most heavily for source material is Warhammer 40K.
http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Main_Page
Interestingly enough, 40K does have a character called "Abaddon the Despoiler," the Warmaster of Chaos. Being a genetically engineered super-duper soldier, assuming that he's actually the main character makes this story almost 2.6% less insane.
*nods* Yes, several of those who've commented on the sporking have mentioned Warhammer 40K, a fandom I know absolutely nothing about. Thanks for the link, I'll bookmark it. May make things a tiny bit easier to understand for the rest of the sporking.
And if you've managed to find a way to marginally reduce the insanity, I commend you. You're a luckier person than me. *shudders* Ergh.
I know I got one, but where did I put it? Damn my morbid curiosity... This is the third time in the past two days that I am forced to bleach my brain...
Excellent job with the sporking; it made it almost halfway bearable. But not quite. I'm not sure that ANYTHING could make that thing bearable...
I completely agree. No matter how funny or insightful or both one tries to make the riffs, when the fic is this bad... Hope you'll also enjoy the rest of the sporking, if you can stomach it. (Although I still don't recommend it.)
Oh, to make your Bleep addiction even worse, know that Abaddon ends up getting married to not!xeno. I am not making this up.
Suddenly I am extremely glad a gave up somewhere in the last part of chapter one. *shudders* I do not want to ever think about that fic again. You are a very brave person.
Actually, I am partly brave, and more than partly nuts. Still, thanks for the compliment. 'Preciate it. *pleased*
I'm about halfway through, and. . . WOW. Is there a running tally of fandoms involved? So far, off the top of my head: Alien, Terminator, The Matrix, Warhammer 40K, and Resident Evil.
...because I think I'd have serious trouble reading that 'raw'.
Sweet Celestia that thing was awful. Kudos to you for sporking it. Now where did I put my bleeprin?
I'm hardly capable of reading it raw, myself. That's why I riff as I type. It works.
And the sporking isn't even finished, ohhh no. There are two more incredibly long chapters. And about three asides/sequels to this fic. Which, put together, are just as long. I still need to do some... sixty thousand words in all... Yeah... *dies*
Wait... I know that name...
*checks*
I KNEW IT! That's the same sick bastard who wrote the Raptor Fic!
Well. Now I know that's not an exaggeration.
*grits her teeth* That's the one!
So, you're familiar with the Raptor Fic too, eh, as sporked by Rob Bricken? *retches* Sick bastard? Is right.
All I can tell you is that in alien companion, things are at least consensual. ... For the most part. Ergh. *ubersquick*