Subject: Permission Granted
Author:
Posted on: 2011-07-12 09:01:00 UTC
BUT, before you start writing, I'd like to see the other two components we ask for in a Permission request - namely, a link to the badfic you'd like to tackle as your first mission and your agent bios (/character summaries). Looking way way back, I found short versions in your previous request, but it seems you've completely overhauled ???/Lanyon/Bob since then, so I'd like to see new ones, please.
I was a bit concerned to see that you haven't posted much on the Board since making your last request, but going back a few pages, I see you were active enough before that, and I trust you won't stop coming here and chatting from now on, so no worries.
That said, I loved your writing sample! I wasn't active when you made your last request and don't know what that version looked like, but you've clearly taken the advice you were given and the result is lovely. The humour is subtle and well constructed, and the two agents play off each other beautifully - "Bob", indeed! They're endearing, both of them, and should be great fun to see in active missions.
As a side note, I do hope you won't keep referring to him as Lanyon/Bob in narration - perhaps just "Lanyon" for narration, and restrict "Bob" to Karen's dialogue? IF you make it clear that she's trying to annoy him, that should make things clear enough to any reader without losing your meaning.
Also, are you aiming for an omniscient third person point-of-view here? Sometimes we're in Lanyon's head and sometimes in Karen's, and while I freely admit I didn't even notice the first time I read through this, it's a rather important point to keep in mind as you write.
Aside from that, you've got a few small things that I'd pick on if I were your beta (no offense to Anjilly - she's done a great job), but nothing that warrants being pointed out here. If you write all your missions to this kind of standard, they should be very good indeed.
Congratulations :)