Fics, the Final Frontier.

Subject: Fics, the Final Frontier.
Author: Gandalf the Beige
Posted on: 2011-07-04 22:31:00 UTC

These are the voyages of the ISD Plot Device. It's Mission: to provide an audience to fanfics while also providing the impetus for the unlikely plot twists and situations that take place in those fics. Whether Canon or Fanopn, its officers are dedicated to the desires of the Visiting Admiral, whether an author of the Fic itself or a big-cheese canonical author.

And then there are the cadets.

Some of them as young as 16, you will never find a brighter, more resourceful and, most importantly, more volotile tinderbox of shippers, fanboys/girls and general squee'ers from a thousand fandoms. Half of them have "Luke (heart) Mara 4ever" posters over their bunks, while the other half have "Soontir + Wynnsa" inside a large heart in a similar fashion. That is only scratching the surface of the division.

On a good day, doing exercises in a fanfic or a canon that has universally loved pairings and is well written, everything goes as clockwork with pressed uniforms, smart salutes and the odd fistbump. On a bad day, where badfic has been encountered or there is an existing shipping war inside the fanon, a malaise of passive-aggressive sourness pervades the corridors, sometimes culminating in demands for satisfaction and food fights in the mess halls. Usually, the officers keep control... but there have been a few close calls over the years, especially related to the Whedon and Rowling universes.

Now, one year after the Treaty of Caamas with the NJO non-existant, the ISD plot device steams toward the PPC headquarters, ready to fulfill a new mission.. for a while at least.

Vader help us all.

(Notice: Considering the young age of some of the cadets and the occasional bouts of citrus the ship encounters in its missions, the "Plot Device" comes equipped with a fully equipped holographic entertainment theater, featuring "The Beatles" circa their first North American Tour, Early Elvis, The Muppet Show and Bob Hope circa the Truman Administration, among many other acts)

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Fics, the Final Frontier. by Gandalf the Beige on 2011-07-04 22:31:00 UTC

All I can say is... by KsandraMallan on 2011-07-20 09:16:00 UTC Reply

Thank God it's ONLY an ISD and not a SSD...

and thank God too that it's not a Sun Crusher.
Advertisment: Chance of a Lifetime by Gandalf the Beige on 2011-07-05 21:52:00 UTC Reply

Fanfic University PostGrads: Do you find yourself drained and bereft of inspiration after months of grueling academy workload?

Fanfic University Administrators: Do you want a practical practicum in order to whip those mis-spelling, snotty fanbrats into decent writers?

Protectors of the Plot Continuum, boarders and Agents: Do you yearn to see canons and fics outside your own departments? Do you wish to make a difference in the Fandoms of the world?

Then have I got the offer for you.

The ISD Plot Device, former Inter-canon plot facilitator, command ship and new addition to the PPC, invites fans of all canons, Ships and inclinations to sign up for a tour aboard her (more or less) spotless decks. Rid the Multiverse of Badfic, explore the World of Goodfic, blace the web as part of the Recon Corps and go where no agent has gone before (or, by listening to some of the existing cadets, would ever WANT to go).

Sign up Today!
An Offer by Gandalf the Beige on 2011-07-05 06:35:00 UTC Reply

What I meant with the description I gave was to offer the concept to the PPC in hopes of adoption. The Bridge would function somewhat like the Theatre on MST3K, with the captain under the command of an admiral-like Author, who would give or hold back on commands depending on how they wanted the story to go. Recon teams to provide convenient maps and to clear the way of guard for the heroes, orbital bombardment to simulate the wrath of gods, and Intelligence personnel to stir up the correct disturbances the ISD Plot Device is the right hand of the Author within the Canon universe.

That is not to say that everything always goes well. On a ship crewed almost exclusively by fans, how can it? The Whedon riots, after the Willow/Tara thing and Buffy's various boyfriends, their mothers death and the rest, consisted mostly of mess-hall disturbances and mild grafitti. The event that will forever be known as "The Rowling Incident", on the other hand, was so shocking as to be almost perverse. One of our Bridge Comm officers, an Ensign Soyoto, in the presence of the aforementioned author, abandoned her station, sprang out of the crew pit, drew a weapon (in this case, a Kwaiken tanto carried out of reverence for her ancestral clan, the Harmoni) and, screaming what was apparently a battle cry from her native fandom, charged the author with intent to maim or worse. The ensign was almost immediately cut down by blaster fire... but it was disturbing nonetheless.

Further investigation uncovered that the Ensign had just received word that her father and brothers, along with the majority of her clan's fighting men, had been killed in the final battle of the HP-verse Shipping war, mowed down by bolt-action rifles and gatling guns of the newly reformed and modernized Authorial Army. To avoid a security nightmare of possible mutiny, crackdown, rinse, repeat and spincycle, we had to get out of that continuity very fast.

In the four years since, we've hired ourselves out a lot. We did a few good missions with Sir Pterry, a few movies both good and bad and an awful lot of fanfics of varying quality. But now, we hunger to return to good duty in pursuit of good ideals. We come to your service, Protectors of the Plot Continuum, with shrinkage technology down to the width of a human hair (for a 1.6 km long ship), instant teleportation to the effected canon and more than a little of what is called "real food".

I just hope you can find billets for 49000 people when we pull in to get the interior of the ship hosed out: 6 year runs can generate quite the funk.

Best wishes and all alegience, Capt. Malrun Krolek (not my real name)

I'm not sure I understand. by PoorCynic on 2011-07-07 21:47:00 UTC Reply

So this is basically a vehicle for MSTs with overarching storylines and personal drama? If that's the case, I really don't see the point of the whole thing. I know if I want overarching storylines and personal drama, I'm just going to put that stuff in my PPC missions. MSTs are good for one-off humorous bits about stories it would be hard to do missions in. You don't really need plotlines for stuff like that.

Everything you discuss is pretty much already covered in some way. Bunch of fanboys and girls in their favorite (or not so favorite) continuums? That's an OFU! They go on missions? That's the entire PPC! Orbital bombardment? That's the Department of Geographical Abberations!

I'm sorry, but this sounds tremendously redundant considering what the PPC does. Maybe I just don't get it. If my interpretation is completely wrong, please tell me.

Also... by Gandalf the Beige on 2011-07-08 03:20:00 UTC Reply

The way I once described it (loads of fans and shippers aboard with their own private dramas) is how it USED to be. Now, alot of them are growing weary... one crewer is trying to blackmail me into letting him go home by trying to uncover my Old Shames (this is related to my pursuit of that Escaflowne sue-fic).

Another two joined as NCO's in order to escape their Mythos-verse Earth for a while as well as to raise enough money to... well, get married. But now Joseph Clayton and his Tcho-Tcho girlfriend, Lucy Trinh (coming from an extremely humanized, semi-animist, bronze-age but still sacrifice-happy version of the Vietnamese Tcho-Tcho) want back out. They want to finish University (Miskatonic, in fact) as well. She's the first of her people to attend a western university, and he's the first White man to receive the tooth-filing and tattoos of her people (that story is a hoot in the break-rooms, but that'll come later).

If the wedding happens before the PD is decommissioned, I'm afraid I'll have to requisition a water buffalo and a few dozen chickens... you know, religious stuff.

Then there's the Soyoto Martyrs Society, which is a whole other headache all to themselves. First we had to shanghai a Shinto priest to perform the funeral rites and now they visit the grave every morning. Half of them are fellow Harmoni (including Ms. McSweeney and Mr. Winesop) while the rest were her friends. 20 individual pains in the butt who never actually do anything wrong... except the yearly parading of the clan banner (allegedly rescued from the battlefield itself, mud and bloodstains included) and the marching of the Society, all dressed in ashigaru armor, metal conical hats and weapons (teppo, naginata, yari, etc).
They won't want to leave the grave if they can help it, but we might have to move the grave back to Kabocha province on the HP Fandom Homeworld, since the family said that it will be allowed back (argument over honor vs. dishonor to the family has been resolved in favor of the former).

I just want one chance to go after that monstrosity with my crew and then I'm retiring. I'll shed my uniform, I'll eat in the cafeteria, I'll sacrifice my rank, the whole bit. However, i reserve the right to pick my roommate, if any.

However, if you want some fire support for a particuarly bad fic, take what you like. Better the ship be picked apart for salvage than go to waste in some asteroid belt or get smashed in a hopeless battle.

Damnation... by Gandalf the Beige on 2011-07-08 04:31:00 UTC Reply

It's actually the Soyoto MOURNERS Society... you see how crazy they've got me?

I suppose so by Gandalf the Beige on 2011-07-08 01:55:00 UTC Reply

I just wanted to introduce a new plot point, let some newbies adopt agents out of the crew (feel free to make up names and preferences), go after one or two badfic find as Ahab did the white whale ("When Escaflowne Rescued Trilladen"... this one is MINE!) and... well, decommission the old girl if it comes down to it. She's been far too abused over the years, both by me and by the authors of the fics I've read (and some I haven't). Plus, I wanted to character of the Captain to be mine (G the B or Malrun Krolek... I can't remember which one is the fake name). The rest of the crew will probably scatter back to their original ports of call.

Although, if the DOGA needs a few turbolasers, just ask.

Plus, eldritch chicken soup will probably feature at some point, but exactly how is one of the things I'm keeping to myself.

So.... by Vilstrup on 2011-07-05 07:33:00 UTC Reply

you're having an Imperial Star Destroyer jumping from fanfic to fanfic. And we follow the crews reaction to whatever fanfic they find on the way, as well as hearing about how the captain tackles badfics... interesting...

Imperial Star Destroyer? by Sergio Turbo on 2011-07-05 17:16:00 UTC Reply

*stares at the F-22s owned by his Agents" Now they look very, very tiny.

However, I like the idea. But I hope the Hangar will be enough big for that thing...

Don't worry. by Gandalf the Beige on 2011-07-05 22:05:00 UTC Reply

I only intend to stay in the hanger long enough to allow some repairs, an atmosphere vent and some shore leave for the crew.

At the most basic level... by Gandalf the Beige on 2011-07-05 08:01:00 UTC Reply

yes.

The former mission of the Plot Device was to be my inner critic, shipper and heckler combined when reading fanfic, a task shared by several other casts.

I thought this up at 3AM after first reading this fic.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6873613/1/bFoodbbScandal_b

Then I imagined the main character as either Dreamwork's Roxanne Richie or Disney's Jane Porter.

And then I imagined Thrawn's reactions to the plot twists in a fic I was reading, along with those of the crew if they themselves were shippers.

Thus, the Plot Device found form... think of it as the place the Fanfic academies send their graduates for their first haul and/or their practicums.