Do not worry.

Subject: Do not worry.
Author: DemonFiren
Posted on: 2013-05-22 01:21:00 UTC

I am currently writing up pony-flavoured uburple for later distillation and mixing with DEM-grade DubeLube.

Fill this inside a casing and you have a most effective weapon against Sue-controlled canons - just be sure to use a canon-appropriate delivery system (from flasks to balloons to chem grenades) and clean up afterwards, thoroughly so as to not defile canon yourself.

Well, since you've brought it up...let's list the universes I can dispense some information about. DON'T QUIZ ME, you do not want to hear me ramble. Or...read me ramble.

Literature:
Inheritance, yes, it was gad, or bood.
Black Magician Trilogy. Surprisingly fun.
Harry Potter. Been a while.
Lord of the Rings. Reading it now, in fact. Don't ask me details, somehow my memory suffers.
Artemis Fowl. Oh, yes.
1984, Animal Farm. Who hasn't?
A modicum of Perry Rhodan. Not very much remains in memory.

Film:
Independence Day, distantly.
Star Wars, naturally.
Minority Report, notably.
Avatar, casually.
Reign of Fire, hilariously.
A few others, unremarkably.

Television:
MLP:FiM, as mentioned in my introduction. Nightmare Moon and Windigo fanboy. Celestia tastes like diabetes, old seasons were better, yadda yadda. Force me to watch through the S3 finale and put me in a boiler, you'll have superheated steam coming out of the pipes.
That other Avatar, I quite enjoyed it. Those guys did their research - I like. The shipping wars I do not get and will delightfully target if asked to.

Video Games:
BIG Star Fox fan. LO's from the pre-64 canon, known as Fara Phoenix (kudos if you remember the comics.)
I know my Mass Effect. In love with the research they did.
Also into Homeworld. (THE KADESHI DID SURVIVE...totally did.)
Mega Man Legends fascinates me, but is likely not important.
Fallout I've played. Comically serious and seriously comical.
Elder Scrolls...the lore overwhelms me. It is fun.

Music:
Old stuff. Old from Led Zeppelin over Ink Spots to Bach.
Right now it is Bach, in fact. Little Fugue, G minor. 578, BWV.

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Introductory statements. by DemonFiren on 2013-05-21 23:48:00 UTC Reply

First off, this particular writer is from a most reviled corner of the Internet, namely, the intersection of the brony and furry fandoms (or at least this author personally reviles said corner). Be warned: He has seen almost everything, and cannot accurately judge how squicky it is to the uninitiated.

Second, he has an odd tendency of third-person-personing himself, as if trying to evoke the feeling that in fact he is writing his own characterisation.

Third, he's fully capable of fan-dumb doublethink: Rabid in one direction, capable of absolutely detesting overzealous fans at the same time, all the while making fun of them as well as himself.

Well, that should have led to a few people closing the tabs, so it's time to drop any semblance of formalities.

I'm here primarily for the purpose of learning to write a god-damn plot (which, so far, I do not believe I can even without divine damnation), and for the chance to spork (as mentioned above, humorously hypocritically) the odd badfic that manages to catch my eye.

Well, that's all for now. Let's see how well I can blend in.

Welcome! by Lynne Lloyd on 2013-05-22 21:39:00 UTC Reply

A fine welcome to you! Enjoy the Board! Have some yummy cake. Don't eat it all at once. *assaults with cake*
Welcome to the PPC! by Karen on 2013-05-22 18:43:00 UTC Reply

Don't worry, you're blending in quite well already. Third-person is no crime, nor is being a brony or furry (or both!).

Have some cookies and have fun with the PPC!
Salutations by Myrddin on 2013-05-22 15:40:00 UTC Reply

Welcome, welcome!

Looks like we share a couple fandoms, Lord of the Rings, Artemis Fowl and Avatar (the cartoon series). :)

Welcome gifts! Since you're reading Lord of the Rings now, how about a Sam approved camping kit, a pair of pint glasses and a small ball of fur that when it waked up will either by a kitten or a puppy, depending on your preference. Welcome again!

"Depending on my preference" by DemonFiren on 2013-05-22 16:10:00 UTC Reply

Will likely mean the opposite of my preference, knowing the Item Delivery Genie.

Therefore I'll turn it into Schrödinger's Furball, if you do not mind.

Re: "Depending on my preference" by Myrddin on 2013-05-22 20:29:00 UTC Reply

I would say drat that Genie! But hey, you get a much cooler pet out of the deal so I guess we should thank him... this time... :D

@Demon Firen by Lenore Snow on 2013-05-22 12:20:00 UTC Reply

Salvete!
Writing a plot would, in fact, be a helpful skill to learn, although writing a well-structured one might serve you better than a god-damned one. Kudos to you for going after your amitions!
I proudly (proudly because I am also fairly new here) bestow upon thee a potted slughorn mushroom, and with it a superb method by which to blackmail your neighbors. I also give you this antique lapiz lazuli urn, just brimming with half-rotten tangerines. Because you never know what life will bring.

Again, welcome!
Good to have you a-Board! by doctorlit on 2013-05-22 06:37:00 UTC Reply

Greetings, new friend! Have an unwritten novel!
Welcome to you doom by MAXinsanity on 2013-05-22 05:03:00 UTC Reply

Have a voodoo doll made out of wire.
First plover! (nm) by Tawaki on 2013-05-22 04:30:00 UTC Reply
Heyo! Welcome to the board! by Pauline07 on 2013-05-22 04:16:00 UTC Reply

I'm Pauline, but everyone calls me Paulie.....no, I'm joking. No one calls me Paulie. Pauline suits me just fine (as you might have noticed, I'm also not particularly funny)

hmm.....gifts....bleepolate ice cream, sound good? Looks like you'll need it.
That actually kind of made me giggle. by Anonymous on 2013-05-22 03:14:00 UTC Reply

That had to be one of the cheekiest intro statements I've ever read, well done.

I am a creature of an odd and eccentric nature who fully enjoys writing stories, drawing pictures, and mocking bad stories on the basis of, "because I feel like it." On the flip side, I am also prone to helping people who recognize that they need the help, because at my center I really am a good-meaning protagonist. Like, to the point where being a jerk in video games makes me cringe unless that was the point of the game.

Cram that all together, and you get SC!

Who now delivers a gift of: BleepNerds! Sweet, tangy, small, and brain bleaching for your convenience!

I fear... by DemonFiren on 2013-05-22 03:24:00 UTC Reply

That by this time I am immune to brain bleach. I have seen things, orifices, chemicals and actions the likes of which you would not even wish to imagine. Comes with being a furry, perhaps.

Some of these are so bad that I wouldn't even want to go in and spork them. My sanity would suffer severely, and that's bad for someone who's only just arrived.

That, and I wouldn't be able to eat anything non-vegetarian for weeks. Possibly fear the colour red.

All good. by SpecstacularSC on 2013-05-22 03:27:00 UTC Reply

I have the industrial strength mental hammering-flavored kind as well. It might leave you dazed and giggling incoherently about pretty ponies, and that means it's working.

Failing that, I'll just give you an ACTUAL hammer to mentally adjust with against the awful.

Failing that... Well, shit.

Best to mind your language on-Board. Ta. (nm) by Huinesoron on 2013-05-22 10:22:00 UTC Reply

I sowwy. by SpecstacularSC on 2013-05-22 17:12:00 UTC Reply

Been snarking at too much badfic. Forgot my manners.

Alternative to "Well, shit." by DemonFiren on 2013-05-22 03:29:00 UTC Reply

How's about Bleepphene? It should do the trick, along with some neuralysations.

That might work. by SpecstacularSC on 2013-05-22 03:32:00 UTC Reply

I'm fairly certain I can snag a perscription or two from FicPsyche ~~while they aren't looking~~ with their express permission and compliance.

Oh, well. by DemonFiren on 2013-05-22 03:50:00 UTC Reply

I'll be sending one of my planned!Agents there, anyway. Complete unemotionality that is only dispelled (and violently so) when his LO is near is an unhealthy condition after all.

Especially if it actually consists of emotional repression.

Ah, emotional repression. by SpecstacularSC on 2013-05-22 04:41:00 UTC Reply

How you eventually fail in spectacular fashion, likely in the worst possible way.

Precisely. by DemonFiren on 2013-05-22 14:43:00 UTC Reply

Unless, presumably, sufficient amounts of therapy are administered and the LO is kept at least two 'verses away.

Or if they happen to know a good hypnotist. by SpecstacularSC on 2013-05-22 17:10:00 UTC Reply

In which case, it's just a swinging pocket watch, some soothing words and a snap away from being not a problem.

Iknowhypnotictherapydoesn'tworklikethatdon'tjudgeme.

Memory alteration? by DemonFiren on 2013-05-22 17:20:00 UTC Reply

Michael (the guy's name) is a character from the Star Fox 'verse, and at least psych-backups are known (Andross used them to resurrect himself, by copying one into his clones), so it would seem likely that other kinds of alteration are possible as well.

My guess is he's had them during his tour with the military, as sooner or later he'd slip up during standard med-psych examination. Still, since he'd eventually deserted (judging that, after barely surviving the Lylat Wars, the military would not pay enough for the risks he had to take) the therapy may be incomplete.

...A REALLY good hypnotist? by SpecstacularSC on 2013-05-22 19:16:00 UTC Reply

I'm pulling straws at this point.

Well... by DemonFiren on 2013-05-22 19:23:00 UTC Reply

You wouldn't happen to have an agent in FicPsy at this point?

I had two DISCHARGED from FicPsyche. by SpecstacularSC on 2013-05-22 22:21:00 UTC Reply

They have a crippling fear of pillows due to an incident in Yon Locale Pub, and may potentially never recover.

(RP only because I missed the mark with Permission, then lost interest for a second round.)

That incident seems fascinating... by DemonFiren on 2013-05-22 22:30:00 UTC Reply

...and a little more comical than my char's Freudian Excuse, perhaps?

Oh, I could tell you stories. by SpecstacularSC on 2013-05-23 00:59:00 UTC Reply

No, seriously, it's in the forum archives. Look up "All HQ Extra Vicious Pillow Fight" for details.

I also forget my own name, sometimes. by SpecstacularSC on 2013-05-22 03:16:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, that's a thing.

Ooh, look! I spawned a mini-Boarder!

*nabs AnonymousSC... Again...*

Well, hello thar. Again. by Lily Winterwood on 2013-05-22 01:41:00 UTC Reply

Have some lemming repellent! And I'm not entirely sure what you mean by plot - plot of a story? Plot of a mission? Plot-arcs between multiple mission instalments?

Well. by DemonFiren on 2013-05-22 02:39:00 UTC Reply

By plot I mean the literary term, or, as TVTropes puts it: "A fictional(ized) series of events that have some connection."

I am not referring to the backside of an MLP-verse pony, although I certainly cannot write those, either.

As for the lemming-repellant, I'll spray some on my monitor when playing a certain game. Thanks!

Introductory questions by son_of_heaven176 on 2013-05-22 01:07:00 UTC Reply

Welcome! I hope that you like what you see at the PPC.

Since no one seems to have asked the usual newbie questions yet, I it seems that it falls to me to do so:

1) Have you read The PPC Constitution and The Original Series?
2) Have you checked out the PPC Wiki?
3) How did you run across the PPC?
4) What are your fandoms?

Since you seem to be a brony, allow me to give my favorite brony gift:
*rummages through bag of holding*
*Pulls out a Pokeball*
Have a Rapidash, which I have had a good authority tell me resembles a certain angry Twilight Sparkle.

Answers, laconically due to tab overcrowding. by DemonFiren on 2013-05-22 01:24:00 UTC Reply

Yes and reading.
Yes.
TVTropes.
Covered here: http://disc.yourwebapps.com/discussion.cgi?disc=199610;article=243753;title=PPC%20Posting%20Board

Appreciated. I never caught one of those buggers myself, for some reason. I positively detested the place to find them, at least in Blue.

Oh hai there! by Herr Wozzeck on 2013-05-22 01:01:00 UTC Reply

Welcome to the PPC! We love newbies here, so come on in and leave your sanity at the door!

Here, have some music by Helmut Lachenmann as a welcome gift: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYKkZrPz13s

Allow me to retort with Ligeti. by DemonFiren on 2013-05-22 01:22:00 UTC Reply

Here, have some mind-bending choral: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iVYu5lyX5M

Oh my God, another 20th Century Music enthusiast! by Herr Wozzeck on 2013-05-22 02:45:00 UTC Reply

Finally! I've been looking for a kindred soul forever!

Not specifically focused, no. by DemonFiren on 2013-05-22 02:51:00 UTC Reply

Merely familiar. I pick what I like from where ever I find it.

My favourite still has to be Tom Lehrer, however.

Well, you still know who Ligeti is, so you're close enough. by Herr Wozzeck on 2013-05-22 03:01:00 UTC Reply

Still, though, it's awesome. You need to get yourself used to more composers that were involved in similar kinds of things that Ligeti was doing, you really do.

*rubs hands together*

So, when do you want to get started?

I say... by DemonFiren on 2013-05-22 03:04:00 UTC Reply

Anywhere but Webern and Penderecki, because I quite obviously already know those two. Cage, of course, I've heard of (he's almost memetic), but not exactly listened to.

Well, then I'll get you started then. by Herr Wozzeck on 2013-05-22 03:15:00 UTC Reply

Since you mention Cage, I'll go ahead and link you to a short piano piece of his. You might find it sounds very strange, though, for various reasons that you'll see here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pUTXNxFvjDw

One guy you don't sound like you're familiar with would probably be Edgard Varese, who was a French composer who came to America in the 20's. He's known particularly for stuff like Ionisation, but he wrote a ton of other things. Like this, for example: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WxJttYJt6Ks

Hm. by DemonFiren on 2013-05-22 03:22:00 UTC Reply

Now this is a piece I will not be able to play on my instrumental rig out in the corridor.

Hello there! by SeaTurtle on 2013-05-22 00:50:00 UTC Reply

Welcome to the Board! Have some of my world-famous hydrophobic water to commemorate the event. Don't worry if it is trying to escape out of the canteen: it's supposed to do that.

As someone who did Chem A-levels... by DemonFiren on 2013-05-22 00:53:00 UTC Reply

Should I laugh or should I wince? I honestly do not know...but, the sentiment is appreciated.

Laughing is always better! by SeaTurtle on 2013-05-22 01:03:00 UTC Reply

Sit back and enjoy watching the superfluids flow...

*waves* by Ailavyn Siniyash on 2013-05-22 00:27:00 UTC Reply

I seem to be the first to greet you, so...

Greetings! *bows* Welcome to the Board of the PPC! And we're all at least partially insane here, so don't worry. As long as you don't go flamethrower-crazy, we're happy to have you.

Now, for thy newbie gift... *rummages around in pillowcase*

Here, since you haven't announced your fandoms, I shall give you one Lined and one Unlined Infinite Notebook, complete with urple covers and wilver binding. Beware your eyes!

-Aila

Do not worry. by DemonFiren on 2013-05-22 01:21:00 UTC Reply

I am currently writing up pony-flavoured uburple for later distillation and mixing with DEM-grade DubeLube.

Fill this inside a casing and you have a most effective weapon against Sue-controlled canons - just be sure to use a canon-appropriate delivery system (from flasks to balloons to chem grenades) and clean up afterwards, thoroughly so as to not defile canon yourself.

Well, since you've brought it up...let's list the universes I can dispense some information about. DON'T QUIZ ME, you do not want to hear me ramble. Or...read me ramble.

Literature:
Inheritance, yes, it was gad, or bood.
Black Magician Trilogy. Surprisingly fun.
Harry Potter. Been a while.
Lord of the Rings. Reading it now, in fact. Don't ask me details, somehow my memory suffers.
Artemis Fowl. Oh, yes.
1984, Animal Farm. Who hasn't?
A modicum of Perry Rhodan. Not very much remains in memory.

Film:
Independence Day, distantly.
Star Wars, naturally.
Minority Report, notably.
Avatar, casually.
Reign of Fire, hilariously.
A few others, unremarkably.

Television:
MLP:FiM, as mentioned in my introduction. Nightmare Moon and Windigo fanboy. Celestia tastes like diabetes, old seasons were better, yadda yadda. Force me to watch through the S3 finale and put me in a boiler, you'll have superheated steam coming out of the pipes.
That other Avatar, I quite enjoyed it. Those guys did their research - I like. The shipping wars I do not get and will delightfully target if asked to.

Video Games:
BIG Star Fox fan. LO's from the pre-64 canon, known as Fara Phoenix (kudos if you remember the comics.)
I know my Mass Effect. In love with the research they did.
Also into Homeworld. (THE KADESHI DID SURVIVE...totally did.)
Mega Man Legends fascinates me, but is likely not important.
Fallout I've played. Comically serious and seriously comical.
Elder Scrolls...the lore overwhelms me. It is fun.

Music:
Old stuff. Old from Led Zeppelin over Ink Spots to Bach.
Right now it is Bach, in fact. Little Fugue, G minor. 578, BWV.