Sadly the author seems to have completely ignored my concrit for properly formatting her story. She replied to my criticism of her story choices to the effect of 'I thought it would be interesting to see what happens if there were 14 trolls instead of 12,' although my paraphrasing there is much more coherent than what she actually posted.

Gamzee is now horribly out of character, and I wouldn't have a problem trying to mission this, unless sirbayer or Bluesunnyday are really set on waiting until they have permission to kill it themselves.

...that I am too green to take this sort of thing on. Hey, though, maybe it'll still be around in a month or so... we'll see. Then I'd have to fight Sunny for it, I guess. ._.

ALSO

"normal POV"

A+ FOR EFFOOOOOOORT

So apparently Vriska now has ALL the ancestor's journals instead of hers. Still not enough to nail it though.

...but as BSD has touched on, it's still a bit short. Better to let it go on for a few more chapters before I dive into it.

Eurgh... Does anyone have any agents who know the Homestuck canon? I do but I'm busy with other missions now.

This is just AWFUL! I had to comment again, simply because of the second chapter. It's like they're trying to shoehorn in each and every one of the 12 trolls! Once again though, we don't seem to have a sue yet. Unless there's a department that handles just plain terrible fics, we might not have a case yet. And by case, I mean a good enough reason to hang her from a tree and burn the letter PPC into their front lawn.

...isn't even with the technical errors, it's with the fairly flagrant disregard for canon by making a coherent, sentient, speaking Lusus, and also with her just plain uncreative use of yet another eye power (one that is ridiculously trite and super speshul).

I think she also is missing an opportunity to try to flesh out a new story with her OC instead of just shoving her into the original 12. The destiny love story is especially contrived - they act like the 12 canon trolls and the 2 OC's are the only trolls that exist.

**reads more**

Sharky looks like an actual shark? He was more interesting back when he was just an aquatic troll that had shark-like features. A troll looking like an actual shark is just ridiculous.

All that said, the banter between Sharky and Zohra actually manages to be believable and amusing. It only starts to break down when they start shoe-horning the canon characters into the conversation.

I wonder if the Video Game Division could take Homestuck badfic under pretense of it being a SBURB badfic, which sure is a 'game' of sorts. :U

... nah, probably not.

*cries* HOW COULD HE/SHE DO THIS?!? This is terrible... I think we should wait for more chapters to determine wether or not we have a sue on our hands before we do anything though.