Subject: Seconding.
Author:
Posted on: 2011-05-20 21:13:00 UTC
Maybe others don't mind, but the random paragraphing makes it really hard for me to read (I only got through the introduction). It's distracting to the eye, and it makes it hard to tell who's speaking unless you specifically identify them. I recommend doing away with the indents (unless you can figure out how to standardize them) and using a double line-break after each paragraph.
~Neshomeh
So, this is the first mission for Agents Drew and Lucius: http://rc43042.webs.com/missions.htm
The badfic is a Zombieland fic called New Kid, and can be found here: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6650342/1/NewKid
Thanks to DML, GuvnorOf_Space, Vixenmage, and Ellipsis Flood for betaing!
...I think I got everyone.
I've been told I should watch Zombieland, and haven't yet, but even I can tell that Suethor doesn't know survival situations. Good kill.
On emerging sane from your first mission! ^_^
I have seen Zombieland, and agree 100%; that fic was... bleurgh.
One small nitpick, when Lucius is charging the 'Sue, there's the line "improbable imagry with the Words". Shouldn't that be "improbable imagEry"?
Oh. My. Gosh. Thank you for killing that... thing. I only read part of the first chapter and really wanted to beat my head against the wall.
I found Drew quite amusing as well. (I haven't read World War Z though, so I don't know about his background that much.) Quite a good first mission! :]
I found it a little hard to tell when paragraphs were starting and ending. It might have been weird computer formatting stuff, but next time could you please put a space after each paragraph?
Also, World War Z character. That is the most awesome thing ever!
Maybe others don't mind, but the random paragraphing makes it really hard for me to read (I only got through the introduction). It's distracting to the eye, and it makes it hard to tell who's speaking unless you specifically identify them. I recommend doing away with the indents (unless you can figure out how to standardize them) and using a double line-break after each paragraph.
~Neshomeh
Don't know whether Tranum's gone back and made edits, but to me the paragraphs look very weird. First I thought the indentation of paragraphs was random. Then I noticed that only paragraphs that start with dialogue are indented and paragraphs that start with description aren't. All paragraphs should be treated the same when it comes to indenting, and all indentations should the same size. (or just go for no indentations, but a blank line between paragraphs, like on FFnet.)
The mission didn't really pull me in, but that could just be me. Lately, I seem to find only cookbooks and books on writing engaging.
Hey, you made a random Pulp Fiction reference! That's really, really awesome! Drew feels a little hyper and more than a little prone to falling asleep, but I'm sure that character quirks are all right.
But this episode was actually very funny aside from that, and I love anybody that actually comes from the World War Z continuum. (I'm currently reading that book, so that's one reason why I'm spazzing out. I'm only at "Turning the Tide" right now, but so far I LOVE it. It's incredibly fascinating stuff.)
So yeah. Fun times abound for all.
That fic looked awful, and I've never seen Zombieland. Still, good sporking.
You talking about having agents that only go after zombies.
... Sounds like cool ESAS material to me.
(if I misremember, then shame on me.)