Small critique...(well, it started out that way.)

New Mission Plug! by caddy-shack on 2011-05-07 06:02:00 UTC Reply

It took a while, mostly because I didn't plan this out well enough. Anyway, here is the second installment in Cadmar's training. This takes place chronologically before the mission with Guvnor. I should also be done with another mission and an interlude soon as well.

Training Mission 2: Saccharinely Sweet

Cadmar gets a toothache in Sweet Candy

Good use of Lux by jakraziel on 2011-05-09 00:15:00 UTC Reply

Will he keep the teeth?

Re: Good use of Lux by Caddy-shack on 2011-05-09 01:34:00 UTC Reply

Yep, I figure they might come in handy. Either that or he might bite his own tongue off.

Re: New Mission Plug! by The 9th Blue Mage on 2011-05-08 14:12:00 UTC Reply

That teeth-thing's gotta hurt pretty horribly...
Small critique...(well, it started out that way.) by L'Homme Arbre on 2011-05-07 20:33:00 UTC Reply

You tend to use commas too much, when you should be using periods, or shouldn't use them at all. It's not that much of a problem, but too many commas lead to run-on sentences, which tend to detract from the flow of the narrative, which is a shame because otherwise it's quite good.

See what I mean? It's not really that big a deal, just one of my pet peeves. Of course, I tend to use periods too much and make my sentences far too choppy, so take that with a grain of salt.

L'Homme Arbre

P.S. I think you did a good job on Lux; many characterizations I've read of her go something like NYMPHO OMG NYMPHO LOL NYMPHO. Nice to see someone who understands she has a bit more character to her than that. Not very much more, admittedly, but some...

P.P.S. Also, hooray! Another person who didn't know about using the crash-test dummies for YouFics and had one of their agents get possessed in bizzare, shape-altering ways!

Due to the sheer oddity (and therefore, uniqueness) of our commonality, I have decided we are now Best Board Buddies for Life. I will be cyber-stalking you all around the Net in order to post nice things about you and your writing in the bizzarest of all possible places. Get used to it.

P.P.P.S. No, not really. (Unless you want me to.)

Thanks BBBl! by caddy-shack on 2011-05-07 21:33:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, I can see how it would be disruptive. Thank you, I am glad I could make Luxury interesting. I always imagine her as a person who is trying to be helpful, even if she has...interesting ways of doing it.

I will have to check out your spin-off now, to read about your agents, they sound interesting. Good luck with the stalking me part, I'm not sure I leave too much of an online trail. :P

Don't bother yourself... by L'Homme Arbre on 2011-05-07 21:48:00 UTC Reply

I haven't actually posted it yet. :$ But, this is the first time I've heard about the dummy thing, and since I already have 7 pages to the mission and am looking to get it edited and posted in about a week or so, I'm not feeling eager to preform a major re-edit at this point. On the other hand, my Agents are forgetful as hell, so I have my excuse built in right there...

That's the good thing about writing characters who are total spazzes; you get a lot of leeway. I never screw up anything, it's always all their faults. :)

The Crash Dummy doesn't have a lot of fans... by Sergio Turbo on 2011-05-08 09:51:00 UTC Reply

I used it in only one mission, and my Agents even forgot to take it back. My first mission actually was a first-person one too, but I didn't know about the dummy yet and it was in Italian... nobody noticed XD

And I will definitively put the Dummy into retirement with Agent Corolla's next software upgrade (she's an AI), when her CAD program will be updated with a person-shift function, in addition to the tense-shift function already present. Not a perfect replacement, but considering that they will never be trusted with a Dummy again...

I can see why few like it. by L'Homme Arbre on 2011-05-08 21:13:00 UTC Reply

Why would you want a soulless hunk of plastic and metal to be possesed, ordered around, and possibly horribly mutated when you can do such things to a sentient character?

Because plastic and metal can't scream or complain amusingly.

Such is the way of the PPC. :)

Love it! by Calista on 2011-05-07 19:21:00 UTC Reply

Another good spinoff to illustrate why you need a crash dummy, and a nice demonstration of Luxury's personality.

I linked your mission to the crash dummy wiki page. Poor Cadmar... shark teeth=not fun!!

I wonder if Luxury's ever met Jack Harkness...

BTW--are they using Muggle-Use wands? by Calista on 2011-05-07 19:24:00 UTC Reply

I was wondering, because of the way Cadmar was having trouble triggering the spells. I'm assuming they were because Cadmar and Luxury aren't Potterverse wizards.

Did anybody ever put down a list of which spells were in the Muggle-Use Wands? If not, maybe we should just kinda write down which spells have precedents in the spinoffs so far where they've been used.

Thank you! ^_^ by caddy-shack on 2011-05-07 20:09:00 UTC Reply

Thanks for the compliments! I am glad I got Luxury's personality good, that was my biggest concern. And thanks for linking it to the Crash Dummy page, I never actually thought of that. The shark teeth thing just popped up with the 'shark like grin', and I just HAD to do it.

As for the wands, they were disguised as students, and wizards as well. The reason he was having problems was because he couldn't remember some of the spell names, I am hoping to make something more out of Cadmar having a bad memory. I actually have no idea what spells a Muggle-Use wand can do, it would be something to look into.

I had a good laugh. by Ellipsis Flood on 2011-05-07 18:20:00 UTC Reply

This was really funny. I remember you talking about this mission and it really turned out well.

And Luxury... oh god Luxury.

Thanks! ^-^ (nm) by caddy-shack on 2011-05-07 21:33:00 UTC Reply