Subject: Re: You know you've been writing PPCs too long when . . .
Author:
Posted on: 2011-04-17 23:22:00 UTC
--You freak out whenever someone says 'glitter', especially in a positive way.
--You start thinking of ways badficcers could cause trouble in any canon, even if badficcers completely ignore it.
--Any PPC related acronym (PPC, RC, DMS, etc) causes you to connect it to said organization.
We've all done those "You Know You've Been an Agent Too Long When-" lists and so forth, but how has PPCing affected your IRL writing and perception of canon? I thought this might be a fun exercise to see how all those PPC missions have changed things.
My apologies if this has already been done.
Here's a few to start off:
--You watch Edmund leave his flashlight behind in Prince Caspian and think "Arrgh! Cultural contamination!"
--You subconsciously find yourself setting up your original universes to make things easier for any agents--building in plenty of convenient napping spots and leaving canonical sources of food around.
--The botany section at the natural history museum provokes either fits of hysterical laughter or the feeling that you're being watched.
--you feel an urge to review, review, review... even if it is someone's exceedingly dry essay from an honors biology test done ages ago. Was that a misplaced comma? Plural, not singular? Shame!
--when a friend hands you a story, you immediately begin to grade how Mary-Sue the main character is, only realizing after you have written notes on how you could best kill her canonically that this is not a mission. It is a very simple typo revision. Dur.
--You start using the more creative swear words- "Jadis in a Block of Ice!", "Glaurung", etc -in everyday conversation or your thoughts, and think nothing of it, even if people give you weird looks.
--Whenever you read a new book/ see a new movie/tv show set in an unfamiliar universe, you automatically think if it would be feasible to have an Agent from that 'Verse.
--You automatically think that someone famous would make a good 'Sue/'Stu, especially if they tend to wear really sparkly or crazy outfits all the time.
--When watching a show, you find yourself catching the logic holes or continuity issues and wishing you had an RA to skip past them, but TiVO's the closest thing you've got.
My turn:
- ...when you find yourself wondering where the bleeprin went after seeing a bad movie/show/whatever
- When you start saying 'Thank the Flowers' when you're relieved by good news.
- ...when you're first reaction to a Sue/Stu-ish character is go "INCOMMING!!" and act like your CAD's overloading again.
And...
- When you can only think of potential hiding spots for Agents out there.
Also, you! Hi!
*glomp* Have you been back for a while, and I'm just blind? Ah well, either way, good to see you again! ^^
I've been sort-of back for a bit; still getting into the swing of things. Su and Dio have returned (in Brightbeard and Barid's last mission) and I'm currently doing a cowrite with Neshomeh. God, I missed this place. :D
I don't even have TiVO, I just have to stomach my way through it.
--You freak out whenever someone says 'glitter', especially in a positive way.
--You start thinking of ways badficcers could cause trouble in any canon, even if badficcers completely ignore it.
--Any PPC related acronym (PPC, RC, DMS, etc) causes you to connect it to said organization.
I once started laughing in the middle of the grocery store's soft drinks aisle because I was buying RC Cola. Tres awkward, especially when you're with people who don't do fanfic . . .
What would cola produced in an RC be flavored of...? O_o;
It would be something like Pruno or any other prison wine. PPC agents can get all kinds of booze, but sugar seems to be harder to come by, and someone might try to homebrew soda. I can picture it now: distilling sugar from dried fruit, stealing equipment from DoSAT to carbonate it, selling it under the table disguised as bottles of Bleepka . . . Probably one of those things where if you're lucky, it doesn't have any taste at all.
I just googled up instructions for homemade root beer: http://biology.clc.uc.edu/fankhauser/Cheese/ROOTBEERJn0.htm .
It's a fermented drink, so there _is some alcohol present. I'm not seeing anything for the soft drink version (non-alcoholic) of root beer, but carbonated water was being made in the late 1700s. You could probably make something on the line of an old-time phosphate soda fairly easily in your RC.
...or, you can remember to pack a luggage carrier the next time you visit a modern-day 'verse and raid a grocery store.
My husband has made homemade rootbeer with my kids. It is really good tasting. The alcohol content comes from being carbonated naturally, by the action of yeast. It is really small, like .25% ABV. If you homebrew beer, the easiest way to carbonate the beer is the same, add in a bit more yeast and sugar when you bottle the beer. Wait a couple of weeks for the pressure to build up, and there you go. It does leave a tiny bit of of sediment in the bottom of the bottle, so you leave just a bit of the beer in the bottom while pouring.
So, all you never cared to know about brewing. :D
You don't know what else has been in the soda machines in the HQ cafeteria.
Also, this is a funny sentiment that soda is rarer than booze- for several reasons. One, you can get booze from most continuums, soda only from a few. Second, Suefics rarely mention soda unless the Sue or the Sue's friends are drinking it... and you don't want to drink that. Third, an odd trend I have noticed is that Mary Sues often 'forget to eat' and by that I mean skip over mealtimes unless they're needed to fawn more completely over a canon character. I can't recall any canon instances of a Sue standing in a supermarket, or opening up a refrigerator, or even just sitting in a restaurant. Or even getting take-out!
So you may be onto something that real soda might be rare. I'm sure that the PPC bleepka bar has it in bulk from World One, for use in certain bleepdrinks... but with the way HQ is who knows how easy getting there is, much less paying for it...
...
You have been writing PPC Missions too long when you begin seriously considering how to attain a cherry coca-cola in HQ, and realize it's nearly impossible. Or perhaps you have not been writing the missions long enough...
I mean, the agents may be insane, but most of them still have their instincts for self-preservation. There's no way HQ food or drink is completely on the level.
You make a good point, though: soda only crops up in a few continuua, whereas alcohol is practically universal. I have seen Sues order take-out (Candie the Sk8r Girl called for pizza, I remember), but it's rare. It'd be easier for agents to get drunk than buzzed.
It's probably easier for agents who work in the modern-day continua, like crime dramas or anywhere where the inhabitants of that 'Verse regularly are shown eating normal food, to get soda and things like that. Take NCIS, for example: Team Gibbs is regularly shown eating food and drinking soda, not to mention Abby and her Caf-Pow! addiction, as well as the vending machines in the break room, so there'd be ample opportunities for someone to snag some soda when no one's looking.
-- Every time you listen to fairly common songs that have appeared in the PPC songbook (like "My Favourite Things") you find yourself mentally (or, worse, audibly) subsituting the not-so-common lyrics.
-- You can't watch a new movie or read a new book without noticing all the characters, abilities and plot points that Sues are likely to steal.
(Cheers! This will be a fun list.)
Here are a few!
--You slip canon slash into your original universes, just to appease any possible fangirls.
--You often wonder what Real World Minis would be.
--You mentally refer any repetitious statements made by real-life peers to the Department of Redundancy Department.
You know you've been writing PPCs too long when...
--Anything and everything causes a possible new agent to pop into your head.
I admit, it probably wasn't a hot idea to leave 20th century tech in Fantasy Land. :P
Some things I've experienced:
-- When you find yourself utilizing that particular brand of not-quite-logic common to HQ, and wondering why it doesn't work. (e.g. getting lost to get where you're going.)
-- When your term of choice to describe a high degree of insanity becomes 'flamethrower crazy.'
And so on.
*raises hand*
I've done that before, though it was mainly in the mall...
-- You not-so-subconsciously find yourself thinking about what the badficcers will do to your characters, and try to come up with ways to head them off at the pass.
-- You read everything with an eye for what would happen if it were a mission.
-- You're leery of figurative language, just in case someone might take it literally and get a bizarre mental image.
-- You have considered changing the name of the main character of your original fiction, either in said fiction or in the PPC, because you were an idiot and wrote her into the PPC years ago and want to avoid dragging the group into the public eye should your book(s) actually happen to get famous.
>.>
~Neshomeh
...with the second one. And I haven't even written any missions.
Ooh, worrying about what badficcers will do to your characters. Not fun. And my sister is already threatening to write bad slash involving the characters in the book I'm writing (not that it's likely to get published anyway). She's come up with some very disturbing things that badficcers could do. So I don't just worry about what badficcers will do, I've got someone coming up with badfic ideas before I'm even done writing the first draft.
Even as I was writing my NaNo this past November, I was struck by the thought of how the fans of the book might ship the various characters if it ever a) got published, and b) garnered a big enough fan base to have fanfiction written for it.
that a canon might actually implode due to bad fic on some level.