This was a good mission. It is interesting how they split up during the missions. I don't think I've seen any other agents do that, but it definitely works for these two.

I particularly like the attention you give to the effects of the badfic on the agents—feeling sick, getting torn apart by spatial distortions, that sort of thing. It makes the mission feel more difficult and more real. Also, the numerals appearing is something I hadn't seen before, but it makes sense that they would manifest that way.

One issue: when you break a line of dialogue, you don't need to capitalize the text in the narrative bit or when you resume the dialogue, and how you break it depends on where the break comes. For instance:

     “Yeah, right. This…” She hefted Medieval Warfare “Weighs a ton. Let’s get on with it."

should read:

     “Yeah, right. This" —she hefted Medieval Warfare— “weighs a ton. Let’s get on with it."

I'm guessing that Jackson's speech didn't actually trail off long enough for an ellipsis just to lift a book (even a heavy one), so I've used m-dashes instead. You can also break dialogue with commas, or any other punctuation, if the break comes in a place where that punctuation would be appropriate anyway. So, this one:

     “He has not been identified,” said Felaben, looking into the distance, “But I have my suspicions.”

should be written this way:

     “He has not been identified,” said Felaben, looking into the distance, “but I have my suspicions.”

because you could also write the dialogue in a continuous line with the comma in the same place:

     "He has not been identified, but I have my suspicions."

In the first example, the m-dashes go outside the quotation marks because the pause isn't actually part of her speech. Make sense? {= )

~Neshomeh

Is it me or do these kind of fic only have about 4 or 5 plots that are almost the same for all fandoms?