Subject: Actually quite good
Author:
Posted on: 2010-12-31 20:44:00 UTC
You've done a good mission.
One minor point:
Link looked away immediately, only to get an eye-full of a neuralizer's flash and a trip to FicPsyche.
It would in fact be 'FicPsych.' No 'e'. Other than that, I've no quibbles.
Well done!
--MISSION LOG--
Title: 'Azelynn of the Desert'
Department: Department of Mary Sues: Video Game Division
Agents: Agent Corbett and Agent Lore
Canon: The Legend of Zelda (Ocarina of Time)
Mary Sue Type: Somebody's Sister/Reverse-Stockholm-Syndrome Sue
Mission Summary: Agent Aster Corbett learns not to eat any cafeteria food and Agent Lore picks up her slack when they are assigned to get rid of a Legend of Zelda Mary Sue full of Beige Prose and Bad Logic.
Read it here!
I realize this is a little late, since this is off the front page of the Board now, but I still wanted to comment.
It was so awesome that Agent Aster puked on the Sue!
When the Sue was waking up in the desert you wrote that "When both Azelynn..." Anyway, I thought you meant that both Azelynn and Aster had woke up, but only Azelynn's name was in the sentence.
I am finding Lore to be quite interesting. He can change into something with thumbs, but chooses not to, even when it would be more convenient. That is actually sort of cool.
You've done a good mission.
One minor point:
Link looked away immediately, only to get an eye-full of a neuralizer's flash and a trip to FicPsyche.
It would in fact be 'FicPsych.' No 'e'. Other than that, I've no quibbles.
Well done!
Beemos, that would be an interesting trap, though very scary. I like Agent Aster chalenging her to a duel, would have been fun to read, though her just up-chucking on the sue was hilarious! Another exciting mission completed!
It would have been short. This Mary Sue had no combat ability whatsoever, and didn't even carry a weapon. If I encounter a Warrior!Sue sometime I'll pull the card again.
Aster the agent does this a lot. .____.;
I loved the interactions between your agents. They've got good banter potential.
The hair trigger raving nerd and the slightly impassive trickster large beast? That's the point.
Before I even considered writing missions I thought about five elements that must be in each story.
1) Conflict between Agents
2) at least one Gadget.
3) Clear evidence of how this fic alters reality in a negative way (Rather than just a funny or stupid way)
4) A turning point where the badfic becomes just TOO bad.
5) A resolution that involves poetic justice and attention to detail over supreme firepower.
I know this is SRS BNS for PPC affairs, but it's just my outlook on it. Satire's fun-- yes. But the stuff I'm mocking has got not structure or thought to it at all. Only with thought and structure can I have peace of mind making fun of it.
So yeah. I try and make my agents have funny conflicts. They are that way because I engineered them to be.
Did she really give that little description to everything but herself? And how do you get the the character of someone who gives go much leeway for fan writers wrong? All you need to keep to is brave, loyal to Zelda and in Ocarina cares about his fairy.
Each badfic chapter was approximately one page long, including author's notes. This assassination fic is longer than the badfic-- simply because I described what things looked like and where they were. I had a hard time cutting out samples for this fic because there was a problem with every single line... and not because it was content heavy. Because each chapter was approximately forty lines long at the most. I had to restrain myself-- MOST of the badfic is actually in the sporking. Any more, and I might as well just have MSTed the whole thing rather than being a mission pointing out the really most terrible bits.
The 'prison' is given no description. It is unknown what sort of place it is, or even if others than Link and Azelynn are there. Ganon's Tower is marginally more described, but only because the Mary Sue is making it out to be as scary as possible for her.
The single longest description was included in the sporking-- the Mary Sue's description. I was amazed. Even Link didn't get any description to him beyond his soul-wrenching angst in regards to his twu wub Azelynn. This is shocking to me because usually Suethors write their lust objects to accentuate their sex appeal, or at the very least how they are the most perfect man on earth.
Wow...that was bad. The 'Beemos' and the 'witches' made up for that awful character bashing, though.
(Stupid Mary Sue, complaining about getting a cool name...I'd be fine with my name meaning 'untrustworthy'!)