Here, have a generic book of your choice.

It has over 100 hours of The Three Stooges, in all their comedy goodness. You can use it to help stave off Badfic induced insanity. If you ever find the time that is.

Well met rookie! Please enjoy this coupon for the bionic limb of your choice as a welcoming gift.

Have a folding car. It becomes a rather heavy case when not in use. Careful, thing things unfolds itself whjenb it shouldn't. Pay attention to fragile things.

Don't feed it Cute Animal Friend.

Nice to meet you, Whin! Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object. May they aid you in your defence of Canon.

Here, have a pelican bag. It's enchanted with the rune of the pelican, which gives it Hammerspace. (It's from an original fiction piece of mine.)

Feel free to trade around with other borders to eventually get the whole set! Also, I will not be held responsible for any damages that may or may not occur should you choose to incinerate any of the bobbleheads in an attempt to burn any of the Flowers That Be in effigy.

Outside of that, I once again welcome you to the board and to the PPC, and I do dearly hope that you will enjoy your time here. For now, I have one more gift for you, the most useful gift I could ever give you; Information, in the form of The Links that all new boarders should have.

http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/FAQ:ForNewbies
http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Slash-SporkingGuide
<a href="http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/MissionWritingGuide">http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/MissionWritingGuide
<a href="http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/GuideToThePPC">http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/GuideToThePPC
http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Permission
<a href="http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/KilledBadfic">http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/KilledBadfic
<a href="http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Help:Editing#Neshomeh.27sEditingTutorial">http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Help:Editing#Neshomeh.27sEditingTutorial
<a href="http://community.livejournal.com/theppc/20306.html">http://community.livejournal.com/the_ppc/20306.html

Those eight links there are the data that every single member of the PPC must read, memorize, and be able to quote perfectly upon request. Failure to do so is TREASON, and is grounds for termination!

... Okay, not really, but it's all really good stuff you should read anyways, especially if you plan on being involved in the PPC as more than just a boarder. Heck, even if you just plan on hanging around it's good stuff to know. Either way, hope to see you around!

Welcome, new friend! Have a baby llama! It is very soft and ill-tempered!

Hello, and welcome to the PPC! I hereby bestow upon you three things:

A (highly inaccurate) map of HQ that looks like a chrysanthemum caught in the act of exploding, a large plushie Companion Cube (guaranteed not to stab you and which you don't have to incinerate in an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator), and a Frying Pan of Doom^tm. May they serve you well.

Here you have some random food I stole from Cafeteria. I strongly recommend not to eat it, but it can be used as a deadly weapon to kill Sues.

I haven't done that in a while. I should get back in the habit.

Anyway! I'm glad you found your way here. You may have noticed we have a Wiki, and there's a bunch of useful stuff on there. There's a link at the top of the Board, so check it out.

There are a lot of spin-offs out there, so if you want some guidance, here's my top three favorites (in no particular order):

Dafydd and Selene, Department of Geographical Aberrations

Trojie and Pads, Department of Bad Slash

Suicide and Diocletian, Department of Mary Sues (Freelance)

You might also like to peruse the rest of the Lost Tales site, where Su and Dio's missions are hosted. A lot of the stuff there was written contemporarily with Jay and Acacia.

And, if I may plug myself, I think I might be the only person currently writing for the Department of Implausible Crossovers and Fictional Psychology, so here's Supernumerary and Ilraen's home page and FicPsych.

Since that's more than enough to be going on with, I'll again say welcome, and enjoy!

~Neshomeh

Welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay!

And, if for some odd reason, you're allergic to chocolate, here's Foodstuffs, a commonly used material that authors enjoy including because it requires just about no description.

Fair winds!

Now you can throw BBQ parties!

Have a pet cat, a pie of Rassilon and a slice of toast. You can eat the toast and the pie, but I think the cat would put up a fight rather than become food.

Hello and welcome! I'm pretty sure I've already met you on the chat, but in any case, it's always nice to meet new people.

In honour of your arrival, have this conical hat. It's made out of tin foil and duct tape, and is both conical and comical.

And welcome!

As a somewhat new person myself, feel welcome! :D

Have a scarf knitted from the spun fur of Cute Animal Friends! Sure to keep you warm in the most cold, lonely, and emo of ill-contrived settings!