Subject: Spam, spam, spam...
Author:
Posted on: 2010-11-19 16:32:00 UTC
Lovely spam, wonderful spam!
Maybe if you're a Viking, but we don't want it here. Oh, and if you're paying $18K for international shipping then there's obviously more than one crook out there!
ADDRESS:12 ALLEN SUITE 16 AVENUE IKEJA
STATE:LAGOS STATE
DATE:18-11-2010
Dear Friend,
Sequel to the secretive arrangement in regards of the shipment of inflated contract Funds, I wish to inform you that all necessary modalities have been automatically concluded and have left Nigeria to London via your Country last week by Express Cargo Flight (Diplomatic Delivery Agent). Note carefully the content of the crate is \"MONEY U.S Dollar $14 Million Cash\" but I did not disclose it to the Courier Services as Money, rather I informed them that the crate contain Vital \"DOCUMENTS AND EXPENSIVE AFRICA ART WORK\" belonging to my client (that’s you).
Furthermore, the weight of the consignment is 180kg but I manage to pay 120kg, which cost US$18,600.00. On no account should you disclose the content of the crates (Trunk Boxes) with the Diplomatic Courier Services for fear of betrayal. So do not allow them to know that the content is money.
Get back to me as soon as possible so that I can give you the shipment document.
Meanwhile, I will be coming over to your country immediately the consignment arrives in your Country for my per cent share. Please send me your contact address and also full name and phone number immediately through my email address.
Best Regards
Yours faithfully
Mr. Barry Philip
Gremlin leapt over the back of the loveseat and landed next to her partner, who was glaring at her laptop. "What's up, Xerry? You're looking a bit more grim than usual."
"I appear to have taken some sort of misstep in regards to my email," the Nobody replied. "Take a look for yourself."
Gremlin hissed through her teeth as she skimmed the laptop screen. "That's some nasty spam you picked up. Inadvertantly hilarious, sure - I mean, who ships their documents with their expensive African artwork? - but still nasty. Want me to take care of it?"
"If you can make any progress where I have failed, I would be most appreciative." Xericka passed the computer over to Gremlin.
The dark-haired girl scanned the screen again for around a minute before closing her eyes and pressing her fingers against the laptop shell. The lights in the room flickered for a split second. There was a hint of ozone in the hair.
Gremlin's eyes snapped open. "Done. Problem solved," she said as she handed the computer back.
"What exactly did you do?"
"Nothing big. I just used my powers to trace the spammer back through the system then erased his hard drive."
Xericka raised an eyebrow. "You have the ability to do that?"
"Ehh..." Gremlin waved her hand non-committally. "It only works about 20 percent of the time."
"I see. Thank you for trying anyway. The effort is gratifying." Xericka paused before giving her partner a blink-and-you'd-miss-it hug.
Gremlin smiled as she propped her feet up on the coffee table. "Here to help, that's me."
*searching for new threads on the Board*
"Hmmm, whats this?"
"The hell? why would someone put spam like THAT in here?"
*lights in my room flicker, my computer's harddrive displays thats its now empty*
"WAH?! NOOOOOOOOO!"
WHACK!
I got the bludgeoning lessons from JulyFlame. *chuckle*
How did this end up here, anyway? Don't these usually go to email and get junked? And this is a really stupid one; I've seen much scarrier.
Lovely spam, wonderful spam!
Maybe if you're a Viking, but we don't want it here. Oh, and if you're paying $18K for international shipping then there's obviously more than one crook out there!
*noms the spam* Yuk! That tastes disgusing! Purge it, quick.
Die, die, DIE, you evil spam!
(Is spam evil in and of itself, or just a collection of wobbly meats? Ah well. *stabbity*
What would an obvious hoax involving shipping money that would under normal circumstances be private be doing on a public message board of fanfiction writers?
(Other than to entertain said fanfiction writers, of course)
Or there's someone out there who likes to amuse us, but looking at their IP address, I doubt it. It looks like someone who doesn't want to be found.
ADDRESS: EARTH
STATE: LAKE WOBEGON
DATE: 6-21-3-11-15-6-6
Dear Mr. Barry Philip,
In regards to the shipment document, I assure you that there is no need for you to go to all this trouble. I have received the crate without incident or hassle, and I applaud you in your efficiency in spite of any obstacles you may have been met with in your efforts.
Also, there is no need for you to bother yourself with coming over to the country. I have no more need of your services, and at approximately 1300 hours this afternoon, I dispatched a pair of my associates to find you and terminate you immediately. You see, I now that you have fulfilled your purpose, it is quite necessary for me to tie up loose ends, one of which is yourself, regrettably. I'm sure you'll understand.
You have approximately 10 minutes to get your affairs in order, hug your children, and watch anything you might have Tivo'd lately. Give my regards to your wife, and I'll see you in hell.
Sincerely,
Your Grateful Associate.
*thwacks with a frying pan*
Really, do you think ANYONE is stupid enough to actually fall for this?
At least my pan is getting a good workout. CLANG!
OH MY GOD! we might be accomplices! I WILL NOT GO TO JAIL AGAIN!
It is perfectly clear. This is secret code, posted where it can be accessed without anyone become suspicious of the recipient! A perfect cover! It is all utterly obvious!
Now if we can just crack the code, we can figure it out and either blackmail them or join their forces, depending on the quality of plot. Who's up for it?
*Pulls out decoder ring, secret agent music plays*
*Several hours later...*
Ooh! I think I've got it! *Starts reading* "Be sure to drink your ovaltine..."
...?
Why are you sending that money to America, you fool? Thought you could skip town without me noticing, eh? You'd better get your butt right back here, "friend," unless you want the full attentions of the Nigerian mafia to ruin your little English vacation.
You've got a lot of gall trying to hide our money in America! If the Customs Department figures out what's in that crate, we'll never see it again. I am NOT going to lose my royal fortune just because I was stupid enough to risk using some bumbling American nitwit to try and secure it!
See you--and my money--REAL soon,
Prince Mekembo of Nigeria
"The same cannot be said for other stuff the Cafeteria offers."
"Spam? Edible?" asked Wanda, a Centaur in DAVD.
"As faute de mieux," replied the cat-underperson.