Re: Possible badfic

Possible badfic by Sergio Turbo on 2010-11-12 20:47:00 UTC Reply

I found this one:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4970656/1/TheFinalEverAfterMovement_I

A pair of typos, quite a lot of plotholes, inconsistencies (Sakura broke a leg in one chapter, ad three (short) chapters later instead her arm is brokes, and so on) and a hell of a mashed up crossover: the four main characters are a rather Sueish clone of Master Chief (Halo) that gets fused together with a Bionicle (Lego), a Keyblade-wielding (Kingdom Hearts weapon) Sakura Kinomoto (Card Captor Sakura), Samantha Carter (Stargate) that made a deal with the Grim Reaper in order to live longer, and Nurse Joy (Pokèmon).

If it actually is a badfic, I'm claiming it. However, if Insatiable are not canonical (they are some sort of mutated Hearthless, but I do not know if they are actually from Kingdom Hearts or not) I may need to gather another agent or two and some light-based offensive weapons. Or spells. Or maybe a lot of torches.

Re: Possible badfic by Quazer on 2010-11-17 17:03:00 UTC Reply

*eye twitch*

Putting aside my dislike for crossovers, it still is... what's the word I'm looking for? Jarring. Gah!

I quote: ""Arius, please don't kill anyone. We can kill Insatiate, but I don't want any blood in this.""

That's just one of the lines that breaks my train of thought. Don't kill anyone, you can kill someone, please no blood... *head pop*

I don't consider myself a good judge of fan-fiction quality, but that fic needs an agent over there.

That's why I'm going to do it. by Sergio Turbo on 2010-11-18 13:32:00 UTC Reply

I'm going to kill this thing, but I'd like to create/recruit/borrow one more agent or two before (and, besides, I have a mission in beta-reading right now and another in the works, so this will wait). I've got only one agent able to efficiently use weapons, and Insatiate, being OCs, are probably able to see agents. So, if those things are so dangerous as the fic states, sending my current agents is suicide.

Accepting Agent Ideas Maybe? by Quazer on 2010-11-20 01:20:00 UTC Reply

Maybe I could create an agent for you. He/She would be your character afterwords, so you won't need to ask permission from me to use him/her in a story. I'd just need to know what in general you wanted for the agent.

Sorry, but not. by Sergio Turbo on 2010-11-21 09:47:00 UTC Reply

I prefer using agents made or recruited by myself. I'm quite picky about characters, I do not want to risk rejecting your ideas. Sorry.

Thank you anyways, I appreciated the offer!

Insatiable? by PoorCynic on 2010-11-13 01:48:00 UTC Reply

There's no such creature anywhere in Kingdom Hearts canon. Based on the few chapters I read, I'd be willing to argue that this is badfic.

It gets worse. by Sergio Turbo on 2010-11-13 11:56:00 UTC Reply

It grews more and more over the top as it goes on. The first ten chapeters, maybe fifteen, are not so bad, but then it's quite a mess. That's why I want other opinions on it, it can be pretty good or it can be a borderline-badfic. However, I'm quite interested in it since that keyblade-wileding Sakura behaves more like a completely original character, and I'd like to recruit her.

There's a still-ongoing sequel in which both Sakura and Carter get MJOLNIR suits. Non-augmented humans are supposed to hurt themselves due to the reaction-enhancing materials not suited for them. And, besides, even the super-lightweight one that gets Sakura must weight more than 100 kilograms (A full Spartan soldier is 450 kilos.). Sakura is a magical girl, yes, but she is actually 12 YEARS OLD. How the hell is she supposed to even being able to lift that thing? (She actually complains that it's too heavy to fight in, but she can apparently move around quite well)

About Sakura... by Firebird766 on 2010-11-13 18:00:00 UTC Reply

Does it ever mention her using the Clow Cards (or the Sakura Cards... which season are we talking about here? Post season?) or the wand or whatnot? Because she could have used the Power Card offscreen. I mean, if that thing could let her lift King Penguin, it should have no problem with a MJOLNIR suit.

Nope. by Sergio Turbo on 2010-11-13 21:08:00 UTC Reply

The wand gets fused with a thing she finds in a locker (just afret she finds her old things) and becomes the Keyblade, and after that the cards are never mentioned again. In the sequel, when Arius asks Sakura to better gear up, she says that she never used a gun (right) and however she has the Keyblade, but doesn't mention the cards. I think it's implied that she cannot open the book again, since the "storage form" of the wand, no longer avaible, is also the key that opens the Book of Clow.

It's implied that is post anime/manga end (There is no way to estabilish waht canon follows), I think. Sakura got attacked by the Insatiate, somehow survived and was transferred to Ever After. She spent years here to regain her memories, but her body didn't age. (Another charge)

However, the main problem with the MJOLNIR suit is the device that increases reflexes and strenght. It's both necessary to use effectively the suit, and unsuitable for normal humans. According to the Halopedia, it would cause broken bones or even death. Sakura's magic maybe helps, but that is not the case for Samantha Carter. So, we have another charge: Handwaving that, or making the Matorans (Bionicle) build better suits than the UNSC... WITHOUT HAVING EVEN ONLY SEEN THOSE THINGS BEFORE. IMHO, it doesn't make sense.

Also, did I say that one of the two baddies introduced is LORD FREAKING VOLDEMORT?

Opinions seem pretty unanimous... by ObscurumAeterna on 2010-11-14 20:04:00 UTC Reply

Badfic. Kill it. As swiftly and agonisingly as possible.

Re: Possible badfic by Pretzel on 2010-11-12 21:37:00 UTC Reply

No, no, that definitely looks like a badfic.