...got the frilly tunic.

You can have a frilly tunic. You also get a trench coat, a fedora, a pocket watch, and a tuxedo cat named Piccadilly.

Have some chocolate anyways. It will make you feel better.

Hi! have a slim jim! you don't really need to worry, I used to write horrible self inserts, I think most of us have been there at one point or another.

Have a living hedgehog pincushion to store your pointy things, and an assorted set of metallic sporks, for all your supernatural-beastie-slaying needs.

Here's a naginata, good for spearing things.

Have a half-brick in a sack (useful blunt object) and this five pound bag of assorted candy.

And don't worry about the badfic. I used to have a Sue, till I learned what Sues were and she got redone on the spot. Part of the learning process, I suppose...

I myself once ran an RP forum that crossed Harry Potter and Star Wars. We've all got our fair share of literary shames to cringe at, but it's the fact that we've been willing to improve that makes the PPC what it is.

That aside - welcome aboard. Have a Generic Weapon; give it a little description (but not too much) and keep it handy for your first Sue slaying. Happy sporking.

Have a set of shuriken. Also, was the Drow in question anything like Drizzt?

Here's the link to an interesting webcomic based on the works of H.P. Lovecraft. Not only is the comic really good (in my opinion), but it's also great fun picking out all the references to Lovecraft's stories and characters. Updates are almost daily.

Ow My Sanity

And remember: ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn. Very few people know it, but if you recite that verse at the top of your lungs thirteen times in the middle of a Louisiana swamp, in the light of a full moon and with your eyes closed, something uber-cool will happen in less than a year. I myself did so about eight months ago and...

...

Hey, I just sprouted a tentacle. Awesome.

Hai there,
Welcome to the Board!

Don't worry about the badfic, as everyone has said, we've all written some real crap at some time or other!

Take this invisible flying sheep and this statuette from Y'ha-nthlei. Just don't look at it for too long, or you might start losing your mind. That or grow gills, I never did finish investigating it.

I'm sure that some agents will be happy to kill that badfic for you. Or, if you're willing to wait a while and try for permission, then you could kill it yourself.
Welcome aboard!

Welcome, new friend!

Have a Cthulhu tentacle! Use it to wipe clean the minds of man! Just try to get rid of it before Cthulhu returns to destroy us all; he wasn't too happy to lose it in the first place, and he might make your destruction extra-fatal.

Fair winds!

Now you can throw parties!

Welcome to the Board! Here,have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay.

And don't worry about the badfic, it even happens of the best of us. I've done it myself, and seek to atone for my sins by becoming an agent.

So relax, you won't be judged.

If nothing else, be glad that you saw the PPC and realized your mistake so you can improve in the future. Besides, we've all got badfic in our background, I myself was writing a bunch of horrible roleplays before I found the PPC.

Anyways, welcome to the board, have a Sunflower Official bobblehead.

Don't feed it Sues or Stus.

The only reason I didn't write badfic is that I wasn't into fanfiction. Other than that, I had lots of goofy stories.

Oh, and have some cookies. They're made of awesome, which will help you here.

Welcome to the Board. *sympathetic hug* I think most of the PPC's members have written badfic at one time or another. Don't feel too bad about it. I was writing badfic (none published, thankfully) up till I found the PPC, back in April 2008. Just enjoy your time here and go slowly insane. :P

Also, have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object. They should come in handy when fighting badfic.

Don't worry, I did even worse before joining the PPC ranks. A good thing I never published any of my early fics, but I'm going to kill my old self insertion characters anyways in a "strange" mission (actually a ounishment by the Flowers, since my agents kinda messed up in my last, still beta-status mission)

However, have a folding car. If folds up and becomes a rather heavby case when not in use. Careful, do not put it near fragile things. The folding mechanism is not very reliable.

Hiya! Don't worry about the badfic, we've all done it. I used to write horrible self-inserts before I discovered why they were bad.

Anyway, have a pet cat. You may name it whatever you wish, so long as it is a nerdy in-joke.

Well met, rookie! Please enjoy this wooden baseball bat with the word 'Skullcrusher' engraved in it as a welcoming gift.

Have a Paranoiac's Friend (tm) Mark VII camera! It runs for over three weeks without recharging and has a complicated shut-off sequence so people can't turn it off*! Now with thumbtack attachment for bugging places, people, and other nouns! Paranoiac's Friend: for the paranoiac in all of us!

(*Including, probably, you. Good luck with that.)

I just joined three days ago, and I'm pleased to see that I already have seniority over someone. :D I understand that it's customary to give you bizarre gifts, so have an Ominous Box. Don't open it and make sure to pass it to someone else as soon as possible.

Many agents have started by taking on one of their own atrocities. Others felt more comfortable to save missioning their own work until later.

but I'm still going to say that I admire you for your honesty and your willingness to admit your past mistakes.

Also, don't feel bad about it. We've all gone Suethor in the past, at one time or another, even if those Sues were only in the stories we built in our heads. God knows they were in mine.

So, pleased to meet you. Have a bag of cookies. Careful, they're semi-sentient.