Welcome, new friend!

Have a venomous arthropod!

I would like to present you with an assortment of things with points. It includes, but is not limited to, claws, talons, beaks and essays.

Well met, rookie! Please enjoy this pair of classy spats as a welcoming gift.

It's actually a walrus. I ran out of hats.

Welcome to the Board, where we're not sane!
Here's a flashlight, a pair of socks from Gladrags Wizard Wear, and a Gamera puppet.

Fair winds!

Now you can throw BBQ parties.

Welcome to the Board! Here, have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay!

Have a gun. It's useful to kill Sues with. I'm afraid I cannot give you a map - Flowers keep them jealously.

Oh, don't try to use the gun to convince them... It wouldn't work.

Do not feed it Sues or Stus.

Welcome to this side of madness. It's fun, honest. And often sprinkled with violence against badfic. Here, have this five-pound bag of assorted candy and a cigarette lighter. I'm sure you can find a use for both.

Have a Pie of Rassilon, and a pet cat. You may name the cat whatever you wish. More vowels get you extra points! As to the pie, well...just don't ask what's in it. I'm a humanitarian, so to speak.

Hope that you have a good stay here. Just be careful about wandering into random dangerous places, okay?

Welcome the the Board!

...Uh, I haven't been around in quite a long time. But no matter! Here's your Cadian pattern lasgun. It is not, despite common belief, a glorified flashlight, as it may actually stun you for a while if you look directly at the light. It's really more of a glorified laser pen.

Welcome to the Board! It's not too hard to get used to the place, really, especially if you've been talking to the usual IRC guys. Other people have more access than me to the handy links we usually give out, so I'll leave that to them, but I thought I'd drop by and give you a traditional Board welcome. I hereby present you with a welcoming gift of a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object. May they serve you well. :D

Anyways, FIRST GIFT on you too! A skör bar of the edible kind. And here are some knitting needles of the sort that have hollow insides and a tiny prick at the end for injecting poisons into people, with pink polka dots. Very fun and practical.

What's an FNG?

Anyways, use the Wiki for stuff you don't know.