Subject: ... Damned be them, messing with my Star Trek...
Author:
Posted on: 2010-09-19 11:24:00 UTC
I won't stake any claims just yet (I'm trying to cut back on vicious murders, you see), but if they're on the Unclaimed Bafic list next time I'm looking, I'll take one.
Um... I almost decided not to post these. I know we've all seen lots and lots of terrible Mary Sues, but these two are so over the top, I can hardly believe it. Anyway, here goes.
*takes a deep breath*
First up, a 'Star Trek: The Next Generation'-fanfic called Picard's Illumination, by Lorelei MacKenzie.
Her summary: "A heartbreaking tale of love and sacrifice. Picard learns the true meaning of love, both with and without the doctor...
and loss onboard the Enterprise."
It's a very short fic (thank heaven for small favors), but in its 294 lines (the site counted, not me), it manages to dish out almost every single Sue-cliché in the book, except the squicky sex scene. The Sue's name, by the way, is Lorelei Cordelia MacKenzie. Please take another look and the author's name. If that doesn't make you scream, you can't possibly be awake. Extreme NSFB.
(And if you know, please tell me how it's possible to ride a horse in space.)
---
Next up, a 'Star Trek: Deep Space Nine'-fanfic called Symphony, by Jeane R. Noriega.
Her summary: "When an old flame of Dr. Bashir's arrives on DS9, Julian realizes that he has never stopped loving her. Kaitlynne feels the same, but fate seems to want to keep them apart -- if it doesn't kill her first..."
This fic is one hell of a lot worse than the first. For one thing, it is looooong. You feel like decapitating the Sue about five seconds after she first appears, but this fic just. Keeps. Dragging. On.
Furthermore, Kaitlynne Marcella Taylor is the epitome of the Mary Sue, and the one big sex scene is ubersquickful.
You have been warned.
NSFB, very NSFW.
Please tell me that the authors are only trolls (Especially the first author, because s/he named the mary sue after him/herself). Otherwise, I want to break something.
The possibility that there exist Suethors whose sense of reality is so warped that they think this is good writing, is simply too horrible to contemplate.
On analysis, though, it seems quite possible that s/he is a troll. After all, seriously, rusty wooden doors, horses in space, suicide with an eyelash, hiccups-o'-distress? Bit much.
Still, I wish trolls would just admit what they are. The uncertainty kills.
As for the second author, she's most likely not a troll. This fic takes itself too seriously to be intentional badfic. I for one can't see through the cracks, so to speak. What do you think?
are not meant to be used like that! My eyes! The goggles do nothing!
what are Xtreme Kewl Letterz?
And I agree, McBain. If the female had been called Caitlin or Kathleen or some normal name like that, she would really have been somewhat less vomit-inducing.
But, of course, her name had to be as speshul as the rest of her. Silly me.
*bites something*
Look at this messed up tense/utter cliché:
"She wakes up to a bright light shining in her eyes and a warm voice
comforting her."
You know what?
You know WHAT?!
*need something to smash*
Might I suggest applying a sledgehammer to Little Miss Speshul's oh-so-preeeetty face?
Careful you don't claim both fics I reported, though. It seems Sedri also wants a piece of the action.
(Man, am I lucky I'm not into Star Trek. I'd have demolished my computer.)
I still don't even have Permission, so...
I don't have permission yet, either, but it didn't stop me from claiming two badfics already. It's totally allowed. ;)
If I hadn't promised myself not to do an assassination for my first mission...
I've MST'ed it a few years ago.
Picards illumination
There was too much stupid in it for a mission. Then an MST works better.
Where would sanity be without you? ;)
One thing that keeps bugging me, though. Where in blazes did that horse come from?
I won't stake any claims just yet (I'm trying to cut back on vicious murders, you see), but if they're on the Unclaimed Bafic list next time I'm looking, I'll take one.