Subject: This reminds me of Brian Jacques' salad battle ballad.
Author:
Posted on: 2010-08-12 20:26:00 UTC
Maelwys whooped as she wiped off her face. She reached for a nearby salt shaker and poured the whole thing into an already unappealing salad, then added some of the Kool-Aid and threw the whole bowl. She couldn't quite see who it hit- but she thought there was a satisfying thonk.
...it is time for a good old-fashioned food fight. Anyone who wishes to join in may do so, no permission is needed.
And now, I give you the instigating event:
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Agent Barid sat at a table in the middle of the cafeteria. He was bored. He was tired of being bored. He sat across the table from a balding agent he didn't know. The man looked run down. Barid felt that he could help.
The troll agent looked at his table-mate and said in his Troll accent (read:Jamaican), "Someone should do somet'in about da Flowers. Dey run us ragged and dere ain't no one saying nuttin'. It's time ta take a stand."
The man looked at Barid. He spoke with a slight Scottish accent. "If we stand up tae them, we'll lose."
"Ya," said Barid, gaining strength as he spoke, "Stand an ya may lose. Follow dem and ya'll live. And when ya console's beepin, years from now, would ya be willin' ta trade ALL da days," he climbed onto the table with a bowl in his hand, "from dis day to dat, for one chance, just one chance, ta come back 'ere and tell da Flowers dat dey may take our vacations, but dey'll never take... OUR FOOD FIGHTS!"
With that final yell he scooped a blue, pudding-like mass out of the bowl and hurled it at someone sitting at the next table.
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Join in and have fun!
-Barid
SQUEE!!!
"Airhead... you're blue, not cherry anymore."
"I know, I love it!" *smack*
"Oy... I'm not taking that from you, little miz Lego-"
*smack*
"Shut up and-"
*smack*
"I did, you-"
*smack*
"Is this even food?"
*smack smack*
But that doesn't mean they can't hit hard!
*smack*
"Aafje, do you recognize that guy?"
*smack*
"No."
"..." *duck* "good."
"What are you-" *smack* "hiding?"
"I think Khazad Dym-"
"Oh, great-"
Does soup make a smacking sound if it flies fast enough?
BUT I'LL SETTLE FOR A CHUNK OF FROZEN DUMPLINGS INSTEAD! YARRGH!!!
"What the hell was that?" Agent Silikat sighed, looking across the Cafeteria. Everything had been quiet until rougly a minute ago, when chaos had broken out for no good reason.
Silikat sighed again. That was just great.
Nevertheless, she attempted to carry on eating (some sort of cat food. She didn't know where it came from, and she didn't particularly want to ask) until a shower of what looked like green mashed potato fell onto her table, splattering her and her partner, Toon.
Without any further delay, Toon picked up whatever she was eating and threw it in the general direction of the brawling Agents, wooping with delight. Silikat rolled her eyes, but still couldn't resist chucking her meal at the nearest humanoid.
Who looked like they wanted to kill her. Oops.
Cali dodged the blue glop Miah flung at him, and launched himself across the room, dodging sticky orange rice balls, split pea soup columns, and more blue glop. He dodged our the doors into the hallway.
He ran down the corridors on his way to the Nursery shouting, "Food fight in the cafeteria! Food fight in the cafeteria!"
Miah, meanwhile, pulled a cream corn rocket launcher from her backpack of holding. She aimed right for the troll on the table top, and fired her first volley.
"Why is everything in this room blue?!" screeched Kazeyama. The Siu-Riu was splattered with a number of blue foods, and the number of blue-haired or blue-skinned agents around was abnormally large. Of course, it technically meant that the blue-scaled dragon had better camouflage, but that point was lost on her.
"That I do not know," answered her aquiline partner. Gwelumir had occupied one of the rafters as soon as the food fight had started, not wishing to get sauces and juice splattered all over her feathers. Kazeyama would have joined her, but after seeing the fate of the other airborne Agent, decided not to risk it.
The young dragon felt her back splattered with something wet; further inspection revealed it to be cream corn. That was the last straw. Racing to the kitchen section, she found a tub of soup--well, maybe it was soup; it looked rather more like primordial ooze. Mentally apologizing to whatever lifeforms were developing in there, she stuck her head in, gulping massive amounts of the substance. She filled her storage pouches, then sprinted back out, armed and ready for action. Spotting someone with what looked like a rocket launcher that dispelled food instead of rockets, she decided they were good enough for revenge, and regurgitated the soup in a torrent, drenching pretty much everyone nearby.
"I always thought that particular ability was rather disgusting," commented Gwelumir. The Great Eagle was still unruffled. "Firebreathing is much more sanitary."
"Shut up," shouted the Japanese dragon to the rafters. "You're from Lord of the Rings, you're biased."
Miah was confused for a moment as to how the cafeteria had gotten upside down, but then she spluttered and realized that she was upside down against the wall where the torrent of soup like substance had washed her.
She straightened up and found her cream corn rocket launcher a few feet away. It was bent into uselessness. She cursed violently enough that the blue glop turned pink. It had taken a lot of bribery to get Castor and the minis to make that thing.
She grabbed the nearest projectiles she could find, which looked a lot like still wriggling worms in red sauce, Who would want to eat that? she wondered. She flung handfuls of the red worm dish at the blue dragon thing that had spewed the soup all over her.
The Noldo known as Ithalond was not very comfortable on the subject of food. His wife Mithiriel was an excellent cook, but unfortunately, Ithalond had once been traumatized by a Dibbler pie and still had flashbacks whenever too much meat was in the vicinity. It was his bad luck to be in the cafeteria, refilling a coffee pot, when the food fight began.
He yelped like a startled deer, dropped the coffee pot, dived over the nearest table (knocking over several dishes in the process and sending soup spraying everywhere), hit the deck, tucked and rolled like a master martial artist, and wound up cowering under a random agent's table with his artificial hands firmly jammed in his own mouth. Ever heard a high, proud, ancient, and wise Elf whimper like a kicked puppy? You have now.
Agent Miah wiped bits of what might charitably be called vegetables from her face. Luckily the soup had gotten cold before the diving, rolling, now whimpering streak of agent had sent it spraying toward her and Cali's table. She pulled her dart gun out and peeked under the table.
A silver haired Lord of the Rings elf was gibbering in fear. She rolled her eyes, even she couldn't shoot someone that traumatized. As she sat up, Cali was sliding his mirrored sunglasses back on.
"You had your glasses off?"
"They were covered with soup," Cali said raking maybe vegetables out of his mass of blue hair.
"You had your glass off and I missed it?"
"Yep."
Miah scooped up some of the blue pudding stuff and threw it at Cali's face.
Krisprolls sends the contents of his plate on the fighters, and it lands on South's head. South retaliates and Whatever receives it. It soons degenerates into a... well... food fight. Between the Infernal Trio. With real insults inside.
"Dwarf!" says South.
"Midget!" says Krisprolls.
"Dwarf!"
"Midget!"
"Would you please stop, young men."
"Holy ..., What', you don't have anything more? Like 'cocksucking mother...ers', for instance?"
"Krisprolls!"
"I knew that. You didn't. Never mind."
And so on...
Thank goodness for out-of-continuity food fights. ^^
--
The blue pudding hit Ian on the back of the head, making a particularly fine splatting noise as it came in contact with his dreadlocks. His partner, who had been just about to put a forkful of her Sue-loaf (meatloaf made with leftover Suvian remains)into her mouth, raised an eyebrow at the mess.
'Are you going to let that troll insult your honor like that?' Lee asked, nodding at Barid.
Ian grinned brightly, scooped up a large helping of mashed potatoes, and turned in his seat. He aimed and let fly, sending the potatoes straight for Barid.
Unfortunately the mashed potatoes missed and hit a rather out of sorts newcomer. The man, known as Modren, turned and since he was unable to tell who had fired off the (presumably) edible missile cast a spell he'd learned in his school days: Meatball spray.
The end result of this was a dozen 'meat'balls being sprayed out in a wide arc. For good measure he decided to send what passed for spaghetti after them.
****
Note: Modren is primarily a powerful healer and was sent to the PPC to cure his arrogance.
"Why couldn't we have gotten some real food on our last mission?" Kelok grumbled.
"You forgot to bring the money, and I'm tired of getting chased and shot at for stealing it. Besides--"
A blue troll started talking loudly about the Flowers. Kelok watched him with interest.
"Do you have any idea what he is talking about, Unger?"
Unger radiated mischievousness as he said, "Oh yes. A food fight. By the way, your meat loaf is trying to escape again."
Kelok stabbed the "food" before it completely crawled off his plate. Blue gloppy stuff impacted an oddly familiar looking agent's head.
Unger joined in the fray by throwing what could be creamed corn in the direction of the troll.
"I know the food is not good here, but what is the purpose of throwing it at each other?" Kelok asked him.
Unger ducked under the table, and a 'meat'ball immediately followed by spaghetti impacted squarely with the back of Kelok's head.
Unger giggled. "Because it's fun half-orc." He popped up from under the table and darted toward the serving line and more ammunition.
"Wraith," Kelok muttered. He looked around the room of laughing, food-dripping agents, and smiled. He dragged his fingers through his hair, and came up with a handful of spaghetti. He picked up the "meat"loaf, which had split into two pieces--both of which were trying to crawl off his plate, and ran after Unger. Having more ammunition and better cover was definitely the superior tactical position in this fight.
He launched his food missiles at random as he ran.
One of the more interesting things that Lee liked about being an Elemental Mage was the ability to control any liquid that contained water in it, no matter how small the amount within said substance. Soup, for instance, was a fantastic weapon in a food fight, and Lee was having a grand time manipulating as much of it as she could handle, splashing agents indiscriminately.
'Hey!' Ian yelped as some soup hit him squarely on the ear. 'I thought I was on your side!'
'There are no sides in food fights, oh partner-mine,' Lee laughed, sending a jet of split-pea soup towards Kelok. 'Besides, I'm having fun. If you don't want to get hit, move out of the way.'
SPLOOSH
An expressionless blue-haired figure wiped the remnants of her clam chowder lunch out of her eyes. "Wonderful," Xericka said. "I had always thought ordinary meals were far too staid, what with no food being flung through the air."
Gremlin leaned over and pulled a soup cracker out of her partner's ear. "That's why you gotta start flinging things back!" She picked up her partially eaten sandwich and tossed it like a frisbee into the fray.
"I do not think--" Xericka was cut off by a face full of salad dressing.
"Serpentine, Xer! Serpentine!" Gremlin called out as she accelerated towards the buffet.
Unger noticed a blue haired agent weaving her way through the mess, and he turned his attention toward splatting her with a sauce covered rice ball.
SPLAT
"Didn't I say serpentine?!"
"I attempted to do as you said, but it did not help!"
"Well, then just take cover!"
"A magnificent strategy, Field Marshal. Perhaps next we could--" SPLAT
Gremlin grabbed several abandoned bowls of baked beans and began slinging the contents every which way.
Unger cackled madly as he drove the two female agents under cover. Which explains how he got a mouthful of baked beans when one of them threw the beans at him.
He threw a few rice balls for cover, then started wiping the beans off his face, so he could see again.
Someone smacked him on the arm, and he yelped, startled. He opened his eyes and saw an irate looking Kelok pulling orange sauce coated sticky rice off his face and out of his hair.
Unger grinned broadly, and then ducked as he saw the next food missile coming in straight for Kelok.
Agent Barid, who by this time was covered in all manner of "food", had jumped from the table to make himself less of a target. He decided it might be a good time to go on the offensive. He picked up a plate of, what appeared to be, cream-filled profiteroles, flipped a table, and began lobbing the pastries in much the same way one would throw a grenade.
He also started to sing something in Trollish that it is probably better to leave untranslated.
Lee had managed to convince Ian to leave the sanctuary of the table he'd been holed up under, promising to protect him from any future food-related attacks. Given that about ten seconds later Ian was hit by one of Barid's cream-filled pastries, this "promise" was null and void. Ian sighed, scraped off some of the pastry from his face, looked down at it, and then shrugged.
'Might as well join in,' he said, and then promptly threw it at Lee, who grinned happily, contrary to all popular belief.
'That's the spirit!' she told him before almost literally diving back into the fray, picking up a bowl of olives from the buffet and lobbing them indiscriminately at people, but mostly in the direction of the barricade Barid had set up.
Two heads, one covered with much more food than the other, poked up from behind the buffet.
"Looks like we've got a siege underway," Gremlin said before ducking to avoid a rogue eclair. She pointed up towards the soup-spewing dragon. "Air support would be great in this situation, but I'm not gonna go out there and risk my butt on diplomacy."
Xericka reached into one of her pockets and pulled out a handful of mashed potatoes. "You are taking this exercise far too seriously."
"Fun is serious business, Xer!"
"You are mentally deranged."
Gremlin grabbed a few condiment guns off of the buffet and handed one to her partner. "Less insulty, more shooty!" She began squirting deli mustard at Barid's barricade.
Xericka sighed as she took the dispenser. "Perhaps I am mentally deranged as well."
Barid was forced to take cover as creamed corn splattered against the table e was behind. He heard the sound of the torrent of soup and had just gotten around to surveying the scene when an olive hit him in the eye. He stood up to yell at whoever had done it, and ended up getting deli mustard all over his robes. That was the last straw. It was time to get serious.
Barid quickly rolled from his barricade to a nearby table. On that table he found an actual straw. A quick crawl got him to the buffet. When he rose to a crouch to see what he could find, he came face to face with Xericka and Gremlin over a bowl of peas. "Uh..." he said, "Hi...?" He made a grab for the bowl.
"Jack! Wait a minute! NO POUNCI--blugh!" An impressive amount of Boston baked beans splatted squarely into Caleb's open mouth. Startled, the Twi-vamp looked around for the culprit, only to find that the Cafeteria was now in the midst of the full-blown food fight.
Jack the Hunter stared around sightlessly, wondering why everything suddenly smelled like food and sounded like a preschool lunchroom. The only explanation he received was a stale pot pie to the face, the force of which knocked the surprised zombie backward.
Caleb spat out the unappetizing mouthful of beans and looked around for the nearest ammunition. Grabbing the smashed pie from his dazed partner's face, he flung it straight at a nearby agent, who was reaching for a bowl of peas.
The Hunter beside him scrambled up, giggling madly and scraping up a pile of cold porridge off the ground. He flung it blindly in a random direction and was rewarded by an angry snarl from Caleb.
"Jack, for the love of-- that was me!"
The two agents stared at Barid for a moment before their collective common sense kicked in.
"Keep him away from those peas!" Gremlin began firing twin streams of mayonnaise and mustard in a manner that would make John Woo proud (if slightly confused).
Xericka hesitantly raised her ketchup dispenser.
SPLAT
"Serpentine!" Gremlin yelled as she took cover behind a serving cart.
The Nobody glared at her partner from between the remnants of the pot pie dripping down her face.
SPLAT
Barid was under heavy fire from the condiment station and couldn't reach the peas. He decided that it was better to retreat for the moment being, but he was going to have those peas one way or another. As he monkey crawled his was back to his barricade he received a serving of potatoes in his ear and a fair amount of kool-aid on the seat of his pants.
When he finally made it back to cover, he spied a bowl of Nm&Nms on a nearby table. He rushed out grabbed the bowl and started raining eye-wrenching, colored candies on the agents that had thwarted his attempt at the peas.
While Aafje was testing her explosives, Airhead got lost. She crawled from table to table, hoping to see someone she knew... oh, there was that person that made the great speech! She thought it was so hilarious she couldn't resist showing her appreciation by scooping up some peas on the floor and whipping them at his face. More than one went into the non-potatoed ear.
Caleb flicked porridge from his fingers and glanced at the bowl of peas that three agents were fighting over. If he put on an extra burst of speed, he might be able to reach it first. Grabbing his blind partner by the shoulders, the vampire shoved him under a table and made an eye-blurring dash for the table. He was within inches of the bowl when he slipped on half a bowlful of spilled Nm&Nms. The momentum he'd built up slammed him into the legs of the agent throwing them. A liberal amount of ketchup splattered into his face.
Jack, meanwhile, ventured out from under the table, just in time to catch a mug's worth of stale Bleepfee in his half open mouth.
"That is not a happy rainbow of fun!" Gremlin said as she averted her eyes from the mind-boggling display of off-color candies.
Xericka opened her mouth to respond when a flailing agent slid past on the spilled NMs & NMs. "Hmm," she said. "I would have expected a collision at that moment, especially considering the amount of material I have already been hit with."
As per the Laws of Comedic Narrative, she was hit in the face with a banana cream pie two seconds later.
Immediately following the banana cream pie twin streams of blue Kool-Aid came at Xerica.
Two small boys with food smeared glasses scrambled in her direction, stuffing their pockets with the Nm's & Nm's.
When they reached the two agents, they stopped and the slightly older looking one, said, "I'm Kyle! Are you going to eat that pie?"
The smaller one scooted around behind the counter, out of the line of fire, and began stuffing handfuls of Nm's & Nm's into his mouth.
To Caleb's credit, the vampire recovered from his fall rather well and managed to grab the bowl of peas. A handful went into the face of the agent who had thrown Nm's&Nm's on the floor. Staring around, he spotted four agents at the condiments counter and launched the rest of the peas in their direction.
At that moment, Jack made a valiant attempt to rejoin his partner, only to slip on the same brightly-colored candies that Caleb had fallen victim too. Someone threw what looked like half a watermelon, which struck the ground inches from the zombie's face and splattered him with pulp.
"Really, Jack?" Caleb sighed.
"Don't blame me, I don't even have eyes or anything!" Jack complained. He licked his lips. "Hm. Tasty. Can I pounce now?"
The Twi-vamp was about to say no, but rethought this. "Well... fine. But no ripping. Or biting. Or lethal force of any kind."
"Okay, Mr. Tight Leash," the Hunter muttered, before pouncing straight for a small bespectacled boy hiding behind the counter.
Kyle saw a strange monster thing jumping straight for Kevin. He launched himself straight into the monster's side, knocking him slightly off course, and yelled, "You leave my brother alone!"
Kevin scrambled back and brought his Kool-Aid gun to bear.
Cali and Hannah, saw all this, and realized that Kyle would take this way too seriously. They broke cover and weaved and dodged their way toward the buffet.
Kyle and Kevin stopped attacking Jack, and stared open mouthed at the sugar that had dropped over most of the cafeteria. They looked at each other, and shouted, "Sugar!" at the same time.
They scrambled away from the fight, completely oblivious to anything other than the sugar.
Cali skidded to a stop upon seeing the boys' distraction from the other agent. When he realized what they were after, he groaned. There was no way the Nursery was going to let him drop the boys off until the sugar high and the subsequent crash wore off.
Hannah looked to Cali for her cue, but upon finding him completely distracted, she looked for cover instead. The sticky rice ball thrower seemed to have ran out of ammunition, and was currently scraping gruel into a pile to restock. She ran toward him--she figured with her supply of Kool-Aid, she had a good bargaining position to join him in using that section of the buffet for cover.
Maelwys whooped as she wiped off her face. She reached for a nearby salt shaker and poured the whole thing into an already unappealing salad, then added some of the Kool-Aid and threw the whole bowl. She couldn't quite see who it hit- but she thought there was a satisfying thonk.
"Oh God! Why can't I see?!" The bowl was pasted over Caleb's face by the disgusting mixture inside. "This smells really, really gross! What is this?!" Jack was crouched on all fours, covered in ketchup and Kool-Aid and still not completely sure as to what was going on.
The vampire finally pulled the bowl off his face and flung it Frisbee-style back at the agent it had come from. At that moment, Jack decided it would be a good idea to shake himself off like a dog, spattering everyone within a ten-foot radius with whatever happened to be on him.
Despite his blindness, he could practically feel Caleb's irritated glower turned toward him. "Eh-heh..." the zombie giggled. "My bad."
Muttering darkly under his breath about the crappy human food in his nice coat, the vampire grabbed a double handful of shredded cheese and threw it at the nearest agent.
At this point, Xericka was covered with more food products than actually were being served in the cafeteria.* She was rapidly moving out of the normal Nobody emotion of 'annoyed indifference' towards 'maniacal rage.' She eyed the kids who had soaked her with Kool-Aid and said nothing as she attempted to clean off her coat in vain.
That's about the point Jack dove through the air in her general direction.
Xericka's expression did not change. She merely leveled her ketchup gun with one hand and began spraying it in the Hunter's direction. With the other hand, she grabbed a bunchl of banana peppers from the salad bar and began tossing them like little spicy grenades.
Gremlin watched her partner with a sort of demented glee, like a mad scientist who finally got the monster thing right after a few tries.
*Don't ask how. Probably quantum or something.
Kelok had almost made it to the cover of the serving line when he was hit from behind by a jet of soup. He stumbled and fell face first into a pile of...something. It was red and contained crunchy bits. He got to his knees and dove for cover.
Unger saw the soup bender knock Kelok down, and he flung a double handful of sticky rice dipped in an orange sauce at the woman.
Lee didn't duck fast enough to avoid the sticky rice, which hit her right in the face before dropping to the floor. She wiped the orange sauce out of her eyes, a worryingly bright grin on her face. Ian caught sight of it and dove for cover, ending up underneath a nearby table next to Kelok. He glanced over at the Wraith, giving him a wary smile.
'Sorry 'bout that,' he said, gesturing vaguely at Lee's location nearby. 'I didn't know she could get that enthusiastic with soup.'
Kelok stared at the other agent. His wispy memories of the character he was supposed to be stirred oddly at the appearance of this agent.
"Ronon?" he asked with confusion apparent in his expression.
Ian sighed. 'No, I'm not,' he said with mild exasperation. 'I just look sort of like him. Trust me, you're not the first person to ask about it. I got glomped my first day of training by a Ronon fangirl.' Ian shrugged. 'I'm used to it by now, but I am thankful that I wasn't partnered with someone who had Ronon as their LO.'
Kelok felt his face flush green with embarrassment. "Please forgive me. The memories I have from the character I should have been are very fuzzy." He startled when something hard rattled across the top of the table.
Unger was still flinging sticky rice balls at all passersby.
Ian shrugged once more. 'As I said, it happens a lot, so don't worry about it.' He glanced up at the underside of the table, shaking his head. 'Well, at least people seem to be getting their frustrations out with this food fight,' he said right before Lee scurried under the table, laughing and dripping with soup and other various foodstuffs.
'You're missing one hell of a battle out there, Ian,' she told her partner, flopping down on a relatively clean part of the floor, panting. Sometime during the battle, she'd shapeshifted into her anthro cougar form, presumably the better to focus her magic. As such, her fur was sticking up at odd angles where her clothes didn't quite cover it, but she looked far happier than Ian had seen in a long time.
Lee spotted Kelok and gave a lazy wave in greeting. 'Hi,' she said, trying to control her breathing.
Modren dove under a table only split second too late to avoid being splatted by some soup. He briefly debated casting 'protection from edible missiles' on himself but decided not too.
Not only would it ruin the fun but he had overheard several agents questioning whether or not the food here was, in fact, edible.
After a few moments he remembered the 'muffin storm' spell and cast it. This caused every muffin, cupcake and bun in the room to fly at the nearest person.
Cali Still burst through the doors of the cafeteria closely followed by Hannah, Kevin, and Kyle Still Bellisario. They walked straight into a cloud of muffins, rolls, and cupcakes. They were considerably coated with crumbs before they managed to get under cover.
Once behind a table, they pulled out their water guns that Castor had made for them for the water fight and began firing Koolaid indiscriminately over the crowd.
As the food fight increased in furiousity, Agent Keats poked his head up from underneath the table and shouted, "We gotta get out of here, this is nuts!"
He looked over to his partner, Agent Nicole, and practically sweatdropped when he saw her throwing handfuls of what looked like mashed potatoes at everyone around her, shouting, "TAKE THAT! AND THAT! AND SOME OF THIS!"
Keats sighed and shooked his head. "Why me?" He wondered, right before a stream of Koolaid caught him in the face. In response, he grabbed a plate of what was presumably pudding and yelled, "Okay, THAT'S IT!" before hurling the whole thing at the person responsible.
Kyle and Kevin giggled and scraped pudding into their mouths. They sprayed the agent again.
Miah slid into the space beside them, and started rummaging in her backpack. She pulled out a large vat of dyed-blue-pickled eggs, and a device that looked like a bazooka with a flexible hose at the back end of it. She dropped the hose into the vat, and aimed the device at the dragon that had destroyed her cream corn rocket launcher.
She pulled the trigger and started spraying a barrage of blue pickled eggs at the dragon, and continuing on around the room.
Modren went out from under the table just in time to get hit in the face with a pickled egg.
"I hate pickled eggs." he muttered.
Seeing an as yet untouched pile of pancakes he took them and began tossing them like frisbees. He didn't really care where they went, or who they hit.
After all, there are no sides in a proper food fight.
Miah aimed at the pancakes flying like frisbees, and tried to hit them before they landed. It was nice target practice. She missed some of them, and a lot of eggs splatted into people in the attempt. When there were no more pancakes, she turned her aim toward the man who had been throwing them, and fired.
Modren watched as several of the pancakes were hit with flying eggs. He wasn't paying enough attention to what was going on around him and got hit with a few eggs.
Turning his attention to the agent splatting people with eggs he cast 'summon gruel'. A mess of gruel, which has the look and consistency of overcooked oatmeal with none of the flavour, appeared in midair.
Due to a miscalculation, and the narrative laws of comedy, the mass was larger than intended and covered a large portion of the room.
Including a now rather disgruntled Modren.
The gruel deluge centered on Miah, and ended the life of the pickled egg bazooka. She cackled madly and wiped gruel from her face.
"You see why I always pack my food fight gear before we come to the cafeteria, Cali?" she said as she rummaged in her bag for another weapon.
Kyle bellowed, "Why can't you people throw desserts!"
"We hate gruel!" Kevin added.
They spied the Nm's & Nm's and broke cover to make a dash for them.
Hannah and Cali wiped enough gruel off their faces that they could see and started laying down cover fire of blue Kool-Aid for the two boys.
Upon hearing someone mention desserts Modren got a Cheshire cat grin on his face. Magic was easy here, and reality thin enough that he should be able to summon some sugar cakes.
Unfortunately he hadn't used the spell in a long time. Forgetting a key part of the casting he merely summoned a huge quantity of sugar.
The sugar floated down and covered much of the mess of gruel, and several of the combatants, in a fine powder resembling snow.
"SUGAR!" yelled Airhead. And she had been worried she would get the proper caffeine here!
Aafje would have told her to stay on task, but she was more occupied with a way to put pure sugar in a package that would explode when meeting the target
Kazeyama was about to retaliate at the bazooka-wielding Agent when she was overtaken by a liquidy glop that seemed to resemble oatmeal. "Ackpth!" She floundered to the surface, glaring at her aquiline partner, who was laughing. It sounded rather more like a choking duck, in fact, but the intent was clear. The dragon glared. "Shut up!" She scooped up a glop of gruel and hurled it at Gwelumir. It was well-aimed; the large bird didn't have time to get out of the way before it splatted onto her chest.
"Oh, you're going to regret that," muttered the Eagle. Taking off from her perch, she swept across the room, grabbing bits of solid food in her talons and dropping them at random intervals. The bulk of her load was saved for Kazeyama, who was still mostly stuck in the porridgey substance.
"Ha! I got you to jo--" the Siu-Riu was silenced by a clump of meatloaf in her mouth, followed by a barrage of stale rolls and other things, most of which were unidentifiable.
Agents Keats and Nicole hid under the table to avoid the food being dropped down upon them and others.
"So now what?" Keats asked sarcastically, wringing out the kool-aid from his grass-green hair.
Nicole smirked wolfishly as she held up her trusty spork gun. "What else? We improvise. Help me load this thing up..."
As they stuffed the weapon with discarded rolls, Nicole commented, "Boy, I'm sure glad I brought this thing with me today!"
Once they were ready, he two Agents laid it against the table and began aiming it towards the flying bird-like agent.
"Ready, Mister Keats?... aim... FIRE!"
Keats pulled the trigger, launching a salvo of breads into the air... and right at the aquiline Agent.
"Ackpth!"
Gwelumir was hit dead-on by the barrage of bread and knocked out of the air. Fortunately, she managed to correct enough not to land in the gruel, though she had to hop frantically to avoid being splashed with Kool-Aid.
Kazeyama was laughing, and not doing a much better job of it than her partner had. The Great Eagle shot her a glare before taking off. She spotted the Agents who'd fired the bread and, lacking any immediately-available weapons, swooped down with the intent to grab and drop them into the gelatinous mass of gruel.
Kazeyama didn't need to worry about all of them, as a salad bowl with goodness-knows-what in it took one of them out, and a sugar explosive took out the other.
One of the halves of meatloaf smacked Jamie in the back of the head, causing him to choke on his mouthful of food. It fell down onto his wings, and began gnawing at the magical constructs with stubborn persistence. Summer laughed as he flapped madly, trying to dislodge it; eventually she decided to help him, and pulled it off.
"Right. Who did that?" yelled the Pipers' Child. Summer shrugged.
"Does it matter?"
"No."
"I have told you not to wear your wings in here, you know."
"Oh, shut up." He grabbed his tray and took off, using a spoon to catapult mostly-unidentifiable globs of probably foodlike substance at the Agents below. Summer cheered him on, overturning her bowl of soup on the head of the nearest Agent.
Unger took careful aim at the winged agent fluttering around the room. He flung a barrage of the sticky, sauce dripping, rice balls at the flying agent.
He saw that Kelok was pinned under a table with an agent whose dreadlocks were dripping blue goo.
One of the rice balls missed and hit Maelwys on the head.
"That's what you get for lurking," said Scytha viciously, in her ear communicator.
"Shuddup, I"m thinking, I'm thinking..." Mael's brain finally comprehended that thinking is not the best thing to do in a food fight is to fight with food, not think. Her inner whacko took over as her brain sulkily retreated, pondering whether no-mai could be made with this brand of sticky rice. Any lapcheung to be found? Chinese mushroom? Probably not...
Maelwys was too busy chucking half-cooked shrimp to care. And then she got hit in the face with something that exploded sugar. Oh, yeah.
"Argh!" The rice balls and sauce stuck to Jamie's feathers, drenching them so that he fell from the air like a stone. He crashed down on top of another Agent, momentarily stunned. Seeing this, Summer snarled.
"Hey! The only one allowed to knock Jamie out is me!" With a Tarzan-style yell, she launched herself at Unger, with a glob of pudding in one hand and a long baguette in the other.