Oh no you didn't (Spoilers for Nemesis)

Subject: Oh no you didn't (Spoilers for Nemesis)
Author: hermione of vulcan
Posted on: 2013-05-04 21:04:00 UTC

You did not just give me a fanbrat application that requires me to acknowledge the existence of Star Trek: Nemesis. It only exists so that I can deny its existence and its impact on canon. And you want me to be as mean as I want? You have no idea of what you have unleashed. Feeding her to the Borg is just the beginning.

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating. Some people might like Nemesis, and I don't want to alienate fans. But I ~~loathe~~ ~~despise~~ dislike Nemesis. So getting to torture her will be fun! I'll try not to go too overboard.

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New chapter for OFAS! by hermione of vulcan on 2013-05-02 00:58:00 UTC Reply

Finally. Look carefully, Nora notices at the end of the chapter.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8528580/10/The-Official-Fanfiction-Academy-of-Starfleet

New OFAS fangirl application! by Cyba Zero on 2013-05-04 15:10:00 UTC Reply

Have fun with this one, Hermione of Vulcan! Be as mean as you want! :)

Name: Raven Crowe (Raven for short).

Race: Reman.

Gender: Female (obviously).

Select the ones that you are familiar with/have written for: Star Trek: 2009, Star Trek: The Original Series, Star Trek: The Next Generation x, Star Trek: Voyager x.

Favorite of the above: The Next Generation.

Lust Object: Shinzon.

Favorite Character: Shinzon. I mean come on, he's sooo badass!

Favorite Pairing: Shinzon/Raven.

Favorite Pairing of canon characters (skip if same as above): Erm... Picard/Borg Queen?

Select one: Command, Security, Science x, Engineering, Non-Starfleet.

Do you have an OC? Yes, that's who I'm writing about right now... you didn't think I'd tell you my real name, did you?
If so, describe their appearance and personality: Slim, Reman female, cunning, the best tactician ever... Oh, and yes she is psychic.

Do you know what a Mary Sue/Gary Stu is? Yes.

If so, have you written one? Of course not! Well, I don't think so...

Do you write slash? Definitely not.

If so, for whom? See previous answer.

A/N: Raven Crowe is quite intelligent and not easily spooked. She relishes a good intellectual challenge and is guilty of Hermione Granger tendencies. Things that might dissuade other people are likely to make her more determined, because she sees it as a challenge. Without sufficient challenge provided, she will quickly get bored of the matter at hand and resort to scheming. She takes pride in her good SpAG (but is at OFAS thanks to bad characterisation and Mary Sue-writing). She is rather taken with the idea of Badass!Picard - while she admits to fancying Shinzon, she'd probably go for Locutus of Borg as well, given the chance.
I can imagine she will find being psychic is not as fun or easy to control as she might hope. Oh, and feel free to feed her to the Borg if you want... it would probably serve her right (although it still might not stop her scheming - an intellectual challenge is an intellectual challenge, after all, and having implants is cool/badass).

Oh no you didn't (Spoilers for Nemesis) by hermione of vulcan on 2013-05-04 21:04:00 UTC Reply

You did not just give me a fanbrat application that requires me to acknowledge the existence of Star Trek: Nemesis. It only exists so that I can deny its existence and its impact on canon. And you want me to be as mean as I want? You have no idea of what you have unleashed. Feeding her to the Borg is just the beginning.

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating. Some people might like Nemesis, and I don't want to alienate fans. But I ~~loathe~~ ~~despise~~ dislike Nemesis. So getting to torture her will be fun! I'll try not to go too overboard.

So, all in all, an excellent choice of fanbrat, then. by Outhra on 2013-05-04 21:38:00 UTC Reply

I'm glad that I skipped over the Star Trek TNG movies. Of course, I did watch Star Trek: The Motion Picture, and that wasn't exactly a gem either.

If Nemesis is the blight on the universe that every Star Trek fan I've ever talked to says it is, I might actually watch it one day just to see how bad it is. Since the entire Internet seems to passionately hate it, the "badness meter" is immediately narrowed to the top end of the scale, but that still leaves a lot of categories. Is it Star Wars: Episode II bad? Is it full-on Night of the Lepus bad? I'll never know unless I find out, but then again, I might not want to.

Maybe it would be just as beneficial to have Star Trek Nemesis as the never-observed monster in the background. Once you see something, exactly how awful it is is set. But if whatever would have been seen is never observed at all, only heard from by the rumors and rages of the world, one's imagination can fill in, like what happens in the better caliber of horror movies, only with disgust instead of fear.

Not all the TNG movies are bad. by hermione of vulcan on 2013-05-04 22:23:00 UTC Reply

Generations is decent, First Contact is epic amazing, Insurrection is meh, and I made my feelings on Nemesis abundantly clear. You can skip Insurrection, but definitely see Generations and First Contact. Most definitely First Contact.

I too delayed watching Nemesis because of what I heard. Then I did, and I actually don't regret it (that much), because now I understand what they're talking about.

I agree with you on the Slow Motion Picture, though. From a completely objective viewpoint, it is the worst Star Trek movie. Nemesis at least had good special effects. Which is about all I can say for it.

Though, if you ever want me to explain what is severely wrong with it, I can speak. For a long time.

"Slow Motion Picture" is now my term for that movie. by DawnFire on 2013-05-05 11:41:00 UTC Reply

Thanks :)

Seriously, it shows the Enterprise. For five minutes straight. And then it shows a ten minute reaction shot. And then twenty more minutes of the Enterprise. And then fifty minutes of reaction shots interspersed with even more of the Enterprise--ok, fine, I'm exaggerating slightly. It was still ridiculously long. The Time Engineer and I and the friend we watched it with...well, let's just say we mocked it.

The ending wasn't too bad, though, if I remember correctly...

(Haven't seen Nemesis yet, hence my lack of commentary).

~DF

Re: "Slow Motion Picture" is now my term for that movie. by Outhra on 2013-05-05 22:19:00 UTC Reply

To be fair, a ten-minute William Shatner reaction shot would be hilarious. Especially if it was partially in slow motion.

It's because they killed off Data, isn't it? (nm) by Outhra on 2013-05-04 23:53:00 UTC Reply

Pretty much, yeah. by hermione of vulcan on 2013-05-05 02:58:00 UTC Reply

In a contrived way, too. Just because Brent Spiner didn't want to play him anymore. Um, it's the last movie, Spiner. You totally have to keep playing a character after the series is over.

Also, the movie spent less time developing what could be a good plot (Picard is cloned by the Romulans, and meets the younger, more evil version of himself) and more time on Picard in a dune buggy. Because you know, they don't have shuttles or any other form of cooler transportation in the future. The dune buggy is just the most egregious example of spending too much time on special effects and not enough on characterization and, well, plot.

And all of it can be explained by some of the comments from the director, that I saw because I saw Nemesis on DVD. He stated outright that he wasn't a Trekkie, and that he directed it like an action movie, not a Trek movie. Because you don't direct a Trek movie like a Trek movie, no sir.

Sorry about all the Sar-Plasm coating the walls. But yeah, that's what's wrong with Nemesis.

"Picard in a dune buggy"? by DawnFire on 2013-05-05 11:48:00 UTC Reply

Is that joining the list of Creative Curses? Because I'd use that. We need some Trek ones.

Also, who the Flaming Denethor hires a non-Trekkie to direct a Trek film? Also, who comes into a fandom as large as Trek is and doesn't respect it enough to at least get some input on its genre? If I were a non-Trekkie director hired to film a Trek movie, I'd go watch some of the previous movies (preferably the ones best-liked by the fandom) to see what I was continuing. I mean, come on. When you direct a Bond movie, you pay attention to Bond history; when you direct a Trek movie, you pay attention to Trek history. It's not that hard. I'm sure there are plenty of people to go to for advice.

Wow. I haven't even seen Nemesis, and I already feel strongly about it.

(Ok, Picard in a dune buggy looks pretty cool. And hilarious. And now I really, really want that to be a PPC thing.)

~DF

I'm all for that. by Outhra on 2013-05-05 22:25:00 UTC Reply

I would have written a scene involving agents bringing up the "Picard in a dune buggy!" curse in this post, but I couldn't concentrate because I kept imagining Picard driving around in one, in full uniform, with this dead serious expression on his face. It's hard to write when you keep laughing as you're trying to type.

Alright, that's it. by DawnFire on 2013-05-06 11:06:00 UTC Reply

This is happening. Where do we take a vote on adding this to the Creative Curses used by the PPC? This is too hilarious (and awesome) not to add.

...how does this work? Do we take a vote, or something?

~DF

A new thread? by hermione of vulcan on 2013-05-06 15:39:00 UTC Reply

I don't know. But I am in support of it. In fact, I think I'm going to use it in the Star Trek mission I'm working on.

I'm going to start using it... by DawnFire on 2013-05-06 15:49:00 UTC Reply

...when I next write with a character who could conceivably use it. Hm, do you think a Klingon agent would say "Picard in a dune buggy"?

Yeah, I guess a new thread would be a good idea.

~DF

Bit redundant there, whoops. (nm) by DawnFire on 2013-05-06 11:07:00 UTC Reply

I only saw Nemesis once. by Cyba Zero on 2013-05-05 11:35:00 UTC Reply

I did enjoy it, but I also went through the whole thing saying "this is like Star Wars", "that is like Star Wars". That and after Nemesis, we all know that the captain's chair is the safest place on the ship... to the point of hilarity. I wonder: would combining the effects of sitting in the captain's chair and being a redshirt (rather than the captain/command team) cancel each other out? Hmm, better not try it, in case the universe implodes.

Okay, small Nemesis/Star Wars spoilers here:

Villain falls down big hole (Emperor style). Check. Space-going superweapon of doom has an extra-long charge-up to fire (Death Star, anyone?). Check. Sensing each other through psychic powers (yeah, right; why do I find myself thinking of the Force, now?). Check. I think there were a few other things, too.

*End of possible spoilers*

Was there supposed to be a picture there? by Outhra on 2013-05-05 22:17:00 UTC Reply

There was just this huge empty space. It's bugging me. Was it an error?

Well, since Uhura was a redshirt and never died, and Scotty was a redshirt and was brought back to life after his death, I think the redshirt effect can be canceled out by a significantly powerful countering force, such as plot armor or possibly this incredibly safe captain's chair. I don't know anything about how the chair was used, though, so I don't really have any conclusive information about how powerful it is.

Nope. by Cyba Zero on 2013-05-06 13:39:00 UTC Reply

It was my attempt at making it hard to read the spoilers by accident.
I think the redshirt effect... by DawnFire on 2013-05-06 11:05:00 UTC Reply

...only actually applies to Security officers--Engineering and Communications tend to be safe, for the most part.

Also, the redshirt effect has a tendency to skip the senior staff...just saying. Although, actually, I think that also gets cancelled out for Security officers, although I could be wrong...

"Plot armor" XD There is that! Faux plot armor is probably how Sues wearing red survive...until the agents get them, that is.

~DF

Re: I think the redshirt effect... by Cyba Zero on 2013-05-06 22:44:00 UTC Reply

That's why I mentioned 'other than the captain/command team', as in proper redshirts only (rather than people who wear red shirts, but are immune to the effects).

Does this mean , however, that you reckon the protection of the captain's chair would outweigh the effect of being a (proper, non-resistant) redshirt?

Hmm, maybe the bridge chairs are the root of that resistance?

Hm... by DawnFire on 2013-05-06 22:55:00 UTC Reply

No idea, but you're giving me ideas for a conspiracy theory involving some sort of substance on the bridge chairs that, over enough time, makes the people who sit in them immune to being killed off.

~DF

wait no... by hermione of vulcan on 2013-05-04 21:05:00 UTC Reply

no spoilers, I just thought there might be.

Oh, the fanwriter applications are still active? by Outhra on 2013-05-04 19:15:00 UTC Reply

I might want to submit one at some point. (ponders which fanboy-like tendencies could be most easily exaggerated to badfic-writer levels)

You sending in an application now squashes my idea that you had been involved earlier as the fangirl-Borg later named Eight of Nine. But, since that was based solely on you liking the Borg and following OFAS, I'm not at all surprised that it turned out to be wrong. It was more a hypothesis than a theory or a real guess, since my only evidence was in pre-established opinions.

I wonder who it was that submitted that fangirl-Borg now.

Applications close with the next chapter, so hurry! by Cyba Zero on 2013-05-04 19:49:00 UTC Reply

According to Hermione of Vulcan's author's notes in OFAS, the fangirl-Borg was her own idea. (In fact, said Borg student had already appeared in OFAS by the time I found out OFAS existed. It was Hermione's idea, but seeing as I had been plotting the exact same thing before I read that part, if she had not got there first, I would have submitted one. So, yours was a good hypothesis.)

However, I am the guilty party concerning the idea to have the Borg Queen teaching.

Meanwhile, the nature of the staff wing defenses was something else that Hermione and I both thought of independently of one another.

Application. Feel free to twist and ignore any part. by Alltoometa on 2014-05-05 00:20:00 UTC Reply

Name: Anemone (ignore Tuu'likki on the other site. Unless you like it...)

Race: Vulcan/Q (half and half)

Gender: F

Select the ones that you are familiar with/have written for: Star Trek: 2009, Star Trek: The Original SeriesX, Star Trek: The Next GenerationX, Star Trek: Voyager
Also, the movie!
Favorite of the above: TNG

Lust Object: ((Pick one if needed. I'm heterosexual.))

Favorite Character: All of them! Well, except the bad guys.

Favorite Pairing: Q/OC. I guess. He's pretty cute with Tuu'likki... Idk, maybe I should have Anemone (the character) meet up with Spock from the movie. Ooh, that could be cool!

Favorite Pairing of canon characters (skip if same as above): Idk

Select one: Command, Security, ScienceX, Engineering, Non-Starfleet

Do you have an OC?
Yes

If so, describe their appearance and personality:
Tuu'likki is a Vulcan with luscious tresses and sky-blue eyes who falls in love with a Q despite it being illogical.
Anemone Q is their daughter. She's really smart and can change appearance at will BUT her ears stay a bit pointy.
Do you know what a Mary Sue/Gary Stu is?
Yeah...
If so, have you written one?
Back when I was little
Do you write slash?
Too young to write explicit stuff
If so, for whom?
N/A

((OOC: I tend to lean towards Godplayer!Sues ((although these are almost always original fic blips IRL)) and "fix fics." I typically use good SPaG, but at times have stupid plots. You do not need to incorporate that info, but feel free if you'd like to do so. I also did a bit of cultural appropriation when younger.))

Re: Application. Feel free to twist and ignore any part. by Alltoometa on 2014-05-05 00:43:00 UTC Reply

Clarifying: "the movie" is the 2009 film. Maybe that should have been Xed; I didn't realize that that might be a film.

Eight of Nine... by hermione of vulcan on 2013-05-04 21:27:00 UTC Reply

Was the result of a brainstorming session for OFAS between me and my sister. We tried to think of the race that would be least likely to be submitted, that would be most unattractive to Suethors, and one of us - I don't know who - said "Borg!" And then we came up with Eight. Apparently we were wrong to think no one would submit a Borg student.

The Borg Queen teaching has turned out to be such a brilliant idea. I can't think what it would have been like without her. Less conflict, less awesome. I thank you.

Hermione, I want to submit a fanstudent... by DawnFire on 2013-05-05 12:37:00 UTC Reply

...but I don't really know what to make him/her. It can't be me, because there are too many versions of me running around the Canon Protection Initiative already, but--oh. OH.

Nevermind. I'm going to take one of my goodfic characters and warp her. That should work. (Ok, on second thought, I'm taking an earlier version of her and turning her into a World One fangirl. Should be interesting.)

(Applications haven't closed yet, right?)

Name: Sylvia Silverson, but you can call me Syll if you like ;)

Race: Liek, half-human, half-Vulcan, and half-Romulan. And I grew up with Klingons.

Gender: Female, of course! How many guys do you meet named Sylvia?

Select the ones that you are familiar with/have written for: Star Trek: 2009X, Star Trek: The Original SeriesX, Star Trek: The Next GenerationX, Star Trek: Voyager

Favorite of the above: AOS and TOS!

Lust Object: Ooh, um...Kirk *giggle* and Spock, of course, and...and...and Uhura and Checkov and AOS-Sulu and McCoy. And Geordi, because he's so cool!!

Favorite Character: Oooohhh....I don't know...that's such a hard question!! Like, Kirk, I guess, because he's so tortured! He was on Tarsus, you know. It was awful.

Favorite Pairing: K/S all the way! But sometimes McSpirk, because they're awesome together. And, and Scotty/Uhura. They're totally underrated.

Favorite Pairing of canon characters (skip if same as above): Spock/Nyota in the new movie!! They're so cute togehter! I just can't stand most of the fic about them.......

Select one: CommandX, Security, Science, Engineering, Non-Starfleet_

Do you have an OC? Uhhhhh.....maybe. I barely use her, though. Her name's Sylvia Dupont ;)

If so, describe their appearance and personality: Well, she's got honey-brown hair, and pretty eyes, and she likes really old music. And she's strong and tortured and sad and happy, and Kirk rescues her and they fall in love!!! But only in one fanfic, because I like writing without OCs better. And she's been a Captain twice and her parents were divorced and she was on Tarsus too!! But like I said, I don't really use her much.

Do you know what a Mary Sue/Gary Stu is? Liek, totally!! The PPC hunt them down, and your character shouldn't be one. I totally ran Sylvia through a Mary-Sue test, but I think it was lying......

If so, have you written one? Liek, no! Ew. Who would want to write a Mary-Sue???

Do you write slash? Didn't you see my favorite pairings list?

If so, for whom? Same answer!!!

A/N: Yup, one of her lust objects is a mini-tribble/mini-Gorn. Do with that as you will.

Also, Syl's been warped pretty far. In fact, she's been warped so much that I think she's going to become the author of the goodfic once she's graduated. Wow. I love it when things work out like that!

Anyway. Syll Silverson has light brown hair and grey eyes, although who knows what that'll be distorted into now that she's put such a mishmash of species on her application form. She's a fangirl with a lot of canon knowledge, who prefers to write slash rather than OCs (although when she does write OCs, she tends to be blind to Mary-Sues in her own writing). She's a fan of the PPC stories, and will totally fangirl over any agents who happen to be at OFAS. Her SPaG isn't terrible, but she does make mistakes and have a tendency to over-punctuate. She also has an unfortunate tendency to write canon characters OOC just to make her stories work, even though she loves the way they are in canon and will jump on anyone else who writes them OOC.

...in other words, she's a hypocrite.

She also knows relatively little about TNG, so some concepts will get her fangirling and some will just make her go "Huh??" She often gets along with people, as long as they don't get in the way of her fangirling.

--
If you're curious, Sylvia "Syll" Silverson's OC was made by taking the most Sueish traits of Syl Dupont, as well as some bits that got thrown out for obvious reasons, and throwing them out of context and making them even worse. Syll has checked Command because Communications wasn't there and she's a complete Kirk fangirl...and this was so much fun to write, you have no idea. I mean, Syl's barely recognizable, but that was kind of the point.

So! Warp away! And I'm sorry if I rambled in places, I've been having some concentration problems due to my cold (which, thankfully, is going away...I think...I hope...ugh.) (I also like to babble, but that's beside the point.) I do hope this submission hasn't come too late...

~DF

Yesssss by Karen on 2013-05-02 16:35:00 UTC Reply

I like it. I dooooo.
Woot! (Plus a few corrections) by Cyba Zero on 2013-05-02 10:47:00 UTC Reply

I've been looking forward to this for ages!

I see Her Majesty has made an appearance, heeheehee.

I also found a couple of errors, notably:

1. Troi's line ending in '... is that clear!' could probably do with a question mark.

2. Alli's line 'and then I came out here' has a random newline in the middle.

3. Nora's line '"We can lust after who we want" is missing a newline... well at least we know where it went! :D

4. The line below, Alli seems to be 'scowling at ths Borg hallways' instead of 'the'.

5. You seems to be alternating a little between 'the Borg Queen' and 'The Borg Queen'; best to pick one or the other (I dread to think what minis of her would be like). Also, I do not think the Borg Queen would use contractions (like 'what's').

Apart from that, very good indeed - nice and long, too. I particularly enjoyed the repeated worry every time they came across the Borg corridors. Oh, and the students seem to have a quandry... they need to pass all classes to pass the course, but who wants to be considered worthy of assimilation? I feel sorry for poor Troi, as well.

I would also be happy to beta for you in future, should you wish.

Fixed those errors. by hermione of vulcan on 2013-05-02 23:55:00 UTC Reply

And I was so sure I got everything. Especially the spelling error. With the formatting, I can just say that's what happens when you type it in an email, then copypaste it to a Word Document, then upload it to FFN's Document Manager. I'm lucky more formatting didn't get vaporized in transition. But spelling. I'm good at spelling.

Glad you liked it! I was worried I couldn't write the Borg Queen, since I haven't seen First Contact or any of the Voyager episodes recently.

And I will take you up on that offer, thanks. I think you gave me your email a while back, so I'll send it that way when I have something.

Almost. by Cyba Zero on 2013-05-03 10:40:00 UTC Reply

I don't know if that's because Word is messing you about, but during the homework setting part there are still two cases of mis-capitalisation of 'the'.

You also missed the 'what's' in the Queen's line 'but what's this? And this?' (when she notices the students with uncanonical species).

Other than that, well fixed.

On the subject of beta-ing, it might be an idea to send a test email to the address you have for me, just to check it works and that I can reply. I can do SpAG and formatting, but my character expertise is mostly centered around the Borg... at least, I suspect you have better expertise surrounding the other characters than I do.

Hopefully I'll have my new interlude up soon, too, if you're into Blackout dungeoneering...

I like it by Pauline07 on 2013-05-02 04:20:00 UTC Reply

I'm no expert on Star Trek, but this is hilarious and enjoyable even though it's like the original series for me (I'll say wikipedia and my Tolkien read friends are my life savers and leave it at that). Hehe! I love it.