Subject: Re: Beta request/fic plug
Author:
Posted on: 2010-07-01 19:07:00 UTC
...They are many, and it would only leave to further harm--even forest-death, maybe."
I think leave should be lead in that sentence.
Other than that, I haven't found anything to comment on. This is really good. I was only disappointed that there wasn't more of it.
It's not actually PPC related, but this is the only place I know with a high concentration of literate LOTR fans.
I'm not really concerned with technical stuff and OOC-ness, since I have faith in my spelling and grammar abilities and the story doesn't actually contain any canons. Actually, it's only loosely connected to LOTR at all, but I can't really separate it enough to make it original (nor do I want to). I'm more worried about characterization (my main keeps turning into Legolas in my head, because he's my idea of Basic Tolkien Elf, and I really don't like that as the main isn't supposed to be Legolas) and style--I've been trying to imitate Tolkien's semi-formal style, but I may have taken it too far. (Don't worry, no fake Shakespearean.) Also, I don't want my main turning into a Stu, and I figure that a second (or third, or fourth, or...) opinion is the best way to keep that from happening. Also worried about Bad Science and general lameness of plot devices.
It's set in modern times, starts off in a deep forest, probably the Congo. Main character is an elf, who (for unknown reasons) has stuck around long after all the others left for Valinor. (See what I meant by lameness of plot devices? But then, I figured that since most of the Elves seemed to have no desire whatsoever to leave M-E before a certain time--sort of a psychological "lifespan," if you will--this one just never felt the urge.)
He doesn't have a name yet, pending me getting my lazy rear off the ground and actually doing some research on Sindarin. I'm just referring to him as "the Elf" for now.
Here's the Google Docs link, if you're interested: http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0AWFNC2Jjdy-RZGQzOTVtcWdfMGNqM2N6eGNw&hl=en&authkey=CJOyu7IB
I'm not finished writing it, so I'll be adding on more as it gets written.
...They are many, and it would only leave to further harm--even forest-death, maybe."
I think leave should be lead in that sentence.
Other than that, I haven't found anything to comment on. This is really good. I was only disappointed that there wasn't more of it.
Oh, oops. I think that was a typo. I'll go fix it.
Thank you! :D
...except that I can't find a thing about it that I'd change. Not so much as a typo.
Sure, once it gets longer and there are more plot points and characters to worry about, you'll need a second set of eyes. But right now, it looks just fine to me. The writing style is good, too; formal, but not jarring.
I felt horribly sorry for your elf, though. Almost like I didn't want the story to go on, and have him see the things we've done to the forest. And I'm not even a huge environmentalist or anything.
I suppose you're right; the beginning is much less complicated. It'll get harder, though...
And I'm still concerned about the way he keeps turning into Legolas. -.- I'm not even a fangirl. It's slightly worrying.