Welcome to the Board! Please dposit your sanity in the provide d receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "WArg Fodder*" You shan't need it here.
Please also fix all of the Maudlin's typos.

Hello and Welcome to the PPC Posting Board! Here, have some chocolate, won't you?

Here, have a pet cat. You may name him whatever you wish.

Have an eyass (that's a baby hawk). Treat her well, feed her on Generic Meat and mice. And Sues. She will help you kill them if she likes you. If she does not like you, she will eat your face, but that's what you get for dealing with predators.

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multicolored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly!

Welcome to the PPC, and to the Board!

Help yourself to a venomous arthropod! You may...not...need gloves to handle it...

Or not so much, considering how many people I've greeted by now. I'm also waiting for the first month to be up and Real Life to become a bit more sane. Which won't happen in a month, but I'll decide how insane it is when the time comes.

Hey, I also found them on TV tropes! And I'm a Star Wars fan. At least, that's what I'm going to PPC. If your agents do it too, we could have them run into each other sometimes.

So have a - I almost gave you a flamethrower, but those don't seem well-received here. Have a lighter so when you meet something bad, you can Kill It With Fire. And some chocolate, because Everything's Better With Chocolate.

Feed it only Generic Meat.

Hello! I hereby give you the standard Frying Pan of DOOM^TM, and Agent Lee sends her regards and a batch of freshly baked cookies. Ian, her partner, has sent along a small cross-stitched replica of the DMS flashpatch and his warmest welcomes.

It's a SPECIAL flashlight. Not sure why, but it says so. Trust the talking flashlight ;p

Nice to meet you. :)

Hi.
Have a welcome hug. And the bumper stickers are somewhere back there.
On another note, I would suggest reading the Original Series at misssandman.com. It explains a lot. And it's good. And funny.
Anyway... A warm welcome to you.

This sounds remarkably similar to my origin here. :)
And your name is one of the most awesome two word phrases I've read for a long while.

Guaranteed to have you alternately pulling your hair out in frustration and cooing at all the pretty bullets! Make sure all possible distractions are gone before you play, as nothing is more frustrating than losing a boss fight because the doorbell rang.

I'm sure someone else will do a better job with the Useful Links, but I'll do my best. Huhm, you have the Wiki already, I guess the next important link would be The Original Series, so here you are:
http://www.misssandman.com/PPC/story.html

I'll assume you obeyed orders to read the Board Constitution.

http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/KilledBadfic
That is the Killed Badfic; it's also a pretty good list of all major missions. If you run into some Agents you particularly like, you can just hunt through their pages for missions.

The FAQs you are most likely to need:
<a href="http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/FAQ:TheBoard">http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/FAQ:TheBoard
<a href="http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/FAQ:ForNewbies">http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/FAQ:ForNewbies

And the overall guide to the PPC:
<a href="http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/GuidetothePPC">http://ppc.wikia.com/wiki/Guidetothe_PPC

You've probably found most of those, if you've been poking around the wiki, but I figured I'd drop them off anyway just in case you hadn't.

Oh! And my gift to you: One steamer trunk with infinite capacity (trust me, you are going to need it) and a plover, to be friends with the one Tawaki gave you. (Because plovers get lonely too.)

Fair winds!

What are your fandoms?

Here, take this bomb, it's just about to go off...

Just kidding, have this unspecific object instead! It can be anything provided you have the imagination to use it!

I found about PPC on Tv Tropes, too.

However, enjoy your stay!

Here, have some electro gum.