We've trained him not to eat people through judicious use of a cattle prod. Feed him brains if you can, but chicken will do in a pinch.

Here is an "I am a Newbie" shirt. It looks dorky, but it's magically bulletproof.

Have a Mary Poppins Carpetbag to carry it all. (And a plover to keep the one from Tawaki company.)

Fair winds!

Here, have some chocolate and enjoy your stay here!

Hi!
Have some poorly described toys.
And by "toys" I of course mean weapons.

Wellcome to the PPC. Listen to me, they're all mad here... but they are good people, anyways.

Ah, here's a gun. You will need it for that armor-piercing ammo.

Hello Newbie! *great, another one to confuse!*
Hee hee. Erm, here, have a pet cat. You may name him whatever you wish.

Please enjoy this box of armor-piercing ammunition as a welcoming gift.

Greetings!

It seems I am the first Link-giver to turn up. Haha! ;p

The Links, if you don't know, are the lot of 'Go Read This Now Please' urls that we throw at every newbie since they actually do give Useful Information. In relative order of sensible-reading-ness, they are:

* The Original PPC Series, which we assume you've already read.
* The List of Killed Badfic, which will direct you to a large number of non-Original PPC Missions.

The Board:
* The Board Constitution
* The FAQ: For the Board

The Wiki:
* We have our very own PPC Wiki
* The very-important-to-read-before-requesting-Permission Permission article
* Our (my!) Guide To The PPC
* The Mission Writing Guide
* The Slash-Sporking Guide
* The FAQ: For Newbies.
When you are ready to edit the wiki, make sure to read Neshomeh's excellent editing tutorial.

And finally, but very usefully,
* The List of Everything PPC


Again, welcome! Please, tell us about yourself. What fandoms do you read/write for, for instance?

... can you tell someone let me see "Evita"? Welcome to the Board. Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't need it here. Also, here's a pair of distressing gloves.

Feed it only Generic Meat.

Squawk squawk EMPHATIC CHIRP screech squawk.

-ahem-

Hello, Newbie! Awww, ain't it cute. Here's a newbie present--a baby hawk, my distant distant DISTANT relative. Train it well, and it may help you kill Sues. Treat it badly, and it will eat your face, but that's what you get for dealing with predators.

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multicolored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly!

Welcome to the Board. I hereby give you the standard Frying Pan of DOOM^TM, and Agent Lee sends her regards and a batch of freshly baked brownies. Ian, her partner, couldn't be reached at this time.

Lovely to meet you. Have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object.

What fandoms are you into?

Hiya! Thanks for the no-mei.
Have a celebratory hug to welcome you, and I heard they have bumper stickers somewhere over there. *waves around*

Welcome to the board! Someone will be along soon with a more in-depth, link-filled welcome soon. For now, have some unpublished novels, and a Roto-Router, since I just gave one to Elorie, down below.

Also, what fandoms are you into?