Subject: Permission granted!
Author:
Posted on: 2010-06-13 04:23:00 UTC

Just two things I want to mention, only one of which might be an ongoing problem. First the easy one: you seem to have entered "Amelia Moorehaven" instead of "Amelia Keaton" as Ian's partner. Were you toying with different names? {= )

Second, in-sentence parenthetical remarks don't need to be punctuated like separate sentences. What you have here is wrong:

She wandered the halls, softly singing a few verses of "I Wanna Be a Producer" under her breath (She had a great fondness for musicals, especially the comedic ones, though she had a soft spot in her heart reserved especially for The Rocky Horror Show and its movie adaptation.) and not entirely paying attention to where she was going, which was just as well, given the odd multidimensional topography that made up the seemingly endless gray hallways and rooms of the PPC.

It might be best to break that long sentence up into smaller ones, but assuming you want to keep it one sentence, the parenthetical remark should be uncapitalized and externally punctuated:
She wandered the halls, softly singing a few verses of "I Wanna Be a Producer" under her breath (she had a great fondness for musicals, especially the comedic ones, though she had a soft spot in her heart reserved especially for The Rocky Horror Show and its movie adaptation), and ...

On the other hand, if a parenthetical remark is outside of any other sentence, it should be punctuated internally and capitalized.

Let me know if that all makes sense.

Otherwise, enjoy your new hobby!

~Neshomeh

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