Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multicolored, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly!

Welcome to the Board! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't need it here. Aussi, voici un bifteck.

I was going to give you a Bengal Tiger, but it will just eat the parrot.

There was also much glee at the Asimov and Abhorsen mentions (and, of course, LOTR, but that's practically a given 'round these parts).

I hereby give you a Harris's Hawk and a miniature dragon (particular breed of your choice), and, per your request, a large quantity of beefsteaks. (And also beefsteak tomatoes, in case that's what you actually meant. I take no chances.)

Also, a towel and several pounds of chocolate.

I look forward to having you around. ^^

Fair winds!

Welcome to the PPC! As a welcome gift I present you with a bag of pebbles (good for throwing at annoying things) and a Random Shiny Object (good for distracting things with (although said things may include yourself - beware!)).

Hail, o fellow LOTR fan! :D

I'm glad to see that you're joining up. It's nice to meet someone capable of posing us a challenging question without being nasty about it. ^^

Yay, another Temeraire fan! I've only read the first three books, and I'm eager to see more of the actual war happen, oddly enough--I'm in no way a war buff, but the Sharpe series made me interested in this particular one. ... And now I have a crossover plotbunny gnawing my ankle...

Ahem. Anyway, also yay for Asimov! It's been a while since I read the Foundation series, but it's awesome. I haven't read his other series, though.

I'm the same way about Favorites--in fact, I made a point of including it as a category along with Lust Objects on the PPC Agent infobox on the wiki. It has confused people. I'm glad there are some who get it. ^^

So, welcome!

~Neshomeh

Hello and welcome to the PPC Posting board! Have some chocolate, I guess. And for your birds, some birdseed!

Here, take these Vaugely Explained Sci-Fi Weapons. Now with 100% more explodyness.

Have a pet cat. You may name her whatever you wish.
(Be careful - she may eat the parrots!)

Welcome to the PPC!Here is a near-infinite capacity weightless Bag of Holding, perfect for carrying all the various stuff your Agents will ever need or that which they pick up through their travels. Also, some Generic Parrot feed for your parrots. Enjoy!

Unfortunately, giving you one doesn't seem quite like a PPC-style gift, so I'll have to settle with giving you a parrot-patterned bladed yo-yo. psst...try twisting it apart, and don't break the e—akk!

The following is dictated by Goldenrod111, following his unexplained neck injury:

I recently started the Temeraire series and just finished Sabriel, and love both! I have never read anything by Asimov, though.

I have a similar opinion of characters. There are several I'd want to meet, but to learn something, not romantically.

Finally, are those beefsteaks being handed out? Randall's looking over my shoulder, drooling.

Nice to meet you! Always good to see a new face.

It seems I've managed to jump in ahead of the other members of Link-Giving crowd this time, so I am particularly happy to present you with...

(drumroll, please)...

THE LINKS.

;p

Which, if you don't know, are the lot of 'Go Read This Now Please' urls that we throw at every newbie since they actually do give Useful Information. In relative order of sensible-reading-ness, they are:

* The Original PPC Series, which we assume you've already read.
* The List of Killed Badfic, which will direct you to a large number of non-Original PPC Missions.

The Board:
* The Board Constitution
* The FAQ: For the Board

The Wiki:
* We have our very own PPC Wiki
* The very-important-to-read-before-requesting-Permission Permission article
* Our (my!) Guide To The PPC
* The Mission Writing Guide
* The Slash-Sporking Guide
* The FAQ: For Newbies.
When you are ready to edit the wiki, make sure to read Neshomeh's excellent editing tutorial.

And finally, but very usefully,
* The List of Everything PPC


Hope that's not too overwhelming. Nice to meet you :)

Contents: One hamster (brown), one bag of food pellets, one bag of hay (for sleeping)
Use: for cuddling and sanity-preserving.
Warning/alternate use: may react badly to being woken up in the middle of the day*
Cage sold separately

*I did this to my pet hamster when I was eight years old. I still have the scar. Now, if you got your enemy to do it...

P.S. I love Abhorsen and Keys, too.

Have some guns like the ones Zero Suit Samus uses in Brawl!

I was wondering when we would get an intro thread from you. Pleased to make your acquaintance. Here is a velvet bag full of polyhedral random number generators.

Enjoy your stay

-Barid

Your mentioning of parrots made me feel obligated to go watch this again:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=npjOSLCR2hE

My apologies for the dead parrot humor. To make up for it, here's a baby emu. It's fuzzy and adorable now, but when it grows up it will be able to kick out your lungs through your spine. Welcome to the PPC.

Right. Get on with it. Get on with it!

All in one leather-bound, gold-leaf hardcover volume. You could break someone's neck with that!

On another note: Yay, a fellow Temeraire fan!

Welcome to the PPC! Have this shiny rock (pickax not included). It is useful as emergency punctuation, can be either a projectile weapon or a blunt instrument, and makes a very good paperweight. Use it well.

Ooh, Garth Nix! Glad to see another fan!

--anamia
P.S. As an aside, I'd avoid chatspeak, even as a joke. Some of us (myself included) are... not exactly rational on the subject of chatspeak.