As the others have said, these sorts of posts are never going to be frowned upon.

I wish I could help you - I wish I could give you optimistic statistics and heartwarming stories of victory, but I don't know any. All I can say is, indeed - spend time with your friend, and make it happy times; enjoy every moment you have, because even if he lives out a long life, you're not going to get these minutes back, and it's better to spend them smiling than crying.

More hugs for you - *hugs*

You poor thing, it is horrible dealing with the illness of someone you are close to.

As the other posters have said, the best thing you can do is to be there, for him, and for your parents. Little things, like going to see someone when they are feeling unwell help enormously.

It sounds to me like this is affecting you quite deeply, make sure you talk to people about it. Keeping stuff bottled up will do you no good at all.

Cancer is an odd disease, every cancer is a little bit different, and what works to cure one person may have no effect on another. Sadly there is no magical cure, especially for Pancreatic Cancer which has a high mortality and a low 5 year survival rate. I know that this is not what you want to hear, but never give up hope, there are people who beat the disease, and live for many years after being told that they only have a short time to live.

My heart goes out to you!

Being in the hospital is one of the most tedious and unfamiliar things that can ever happen to somebody. If your friend is in the hospital (and most likely he will repeatedly be in the hospital), he's most likely going to be bored out of his skull, feeling more than a bit helpless, and generally uncomfortable.

I've been in the hospital (my longest time was only ten days, though), and I can tell you that when that happens, if you're even awake to see they're there, visitors are simply a lifesaver. They bring a bit of normality with them that seems to relieve the artificial environment of a hospital. The most annoying part of the whole experience is that you feel like you've lost control of your own life. Even the little things--like having your own comforter from your own bed--can make it a little more bearable. The most encouraging thing, I found, was to have people who simply treated me as a human being rather than a collection of symptoms (as the medical people so often did).

Most likely your friend will have times when he feels better, and times when he's able to come home and live pretty much normally (though probably he'll become tired a lot more easily). That's part of the point of cancer treatment--to increase quality of life, so that he can go about his business as unhindered by his illness as possible. Many people who live with cancer don't particularly want to put their lives on hold for it; so they learn that they can adjust things, get some help or get more creative (or both), and find ways to do what they want to do. People, in general, are rather resilient that way. An older lady in my church has been dealing with cancer for maybe five years; and she's pretty much the same as she's always been, except that she uses one of those powered scooters now so she won't get too exhausted.

Unfortunately, pancreatic cancer is one of the toughest types for modern medicine to deal with. Most likely your friend knows this already. But yes, people do occasionally recover even when doctors say they won't; and it's almost routine to hear of someone who gets five or even ten years when the doctors said he had only one. The human body is an amazingly complex system that we don't know everything about; and it's surprisingly good at returning to normal functioning even after something throws it way out of balance. I guess the bottom line is--it's a serious disease, so try not to fall into denial; but totally giving up hope isn't that logical either.

to post this, that is. We try to be about more than just badfic sporking around here, after all.

It's really hard dealing when friends and relatives are sick, and it's perfectly normal to be upset about it.

I'm not a doctor or anything like that, but it's not unknown for cancers to go into remission, sometimes for reasons which baffle doctors. You can definitely keep on hoping for that, and who knows? Sometimes people survive much longer than the doctors predict - the human body is still full of many mysteries that science and medicine can't completely understand.

But equally, I think you should be prepared for the prospect of losing your friend. Sometimes the doctors are right, and there is simply nothing more that they can do. Be hopeful, but recognise that sometimes it is time for a person to go, and as truly heartbreaking as that is, it is a part of this messed-up world.

If my experiences are anything to go by, I'd recommend spending lots of time with your friend, and try to just be grateful/happy for having known him and all the things that he means to you, and let him know how loved and appreciated he is.

Being there, talking and listening to him, remembering the good things about their life - it could be really comforting for your friend to be able to talk to you and to have someone interesting in hearing his life stories, and being there to talk about those big questions - like what's the meaning of life, and whether there's anything beyond death.

And I'd really, really urge you to say anything you have to say sooner rather than later. Don't put off things to later, cause you may never get another chance to say them - when my grandfather and grandmother died recently, I was so grateful that I was able to see both of them in their final few days and basically say goodbye, and be able to sit there and remember all the good times and all that they'd meant to me, rather than regretting that I'd never had the chance to say goodbye one last time.

Don't be afraid to ask questions here on the Board, or just talk or vent or rant if you need to. Behind all the silliness, we're a community, and I'm sure if you need to talk some more there'll be heaps of people here to listen, and that we'll be thinking of you.

Elcalion

A lot depends on the type of cancer, at what stage it was discovered, how well a patient responds to treatment, etc. A prognosis of a year, I don't know, but that actually sounds pretty good. Sometimes I think cancer prognosises are like the weather: the further into the future the more uncertain the prediction is (perhaps one year turns out to be five?)

I'm not an expert on cancer. Not being an oncologist. On a personal level, about half the people I know who had cancer survived. My aunt had pancreatic cancer; she was actually doing quite well, until she was also diagnosed with lung cancer.

That story is probably not very encouraging for you, but I also don't want to give you false hope; despite continuing progress in medicine still a lot of people die of cancer.

I think you can help your friend by asking him what you can do for him. And keep being his friend. Apart from the illness most people with cancer (or other serious illnesses or disabilities) suffer most from the fact that their friends stop visiting them.