Hello, enjoy your stay, and have a Sunny.

Welcome to the Board! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't need it here. Also, here's a shiny explody thing.

Wow, you must have an amazing tolerance for badfic! All I can offer in the way is a truly awful badfic I stumbled across while looking at a prospective target (on the adult Pit, so I should have known better *reaches for Bleeprin*) - a series of delightful fics centred round a pairing of Shagrat/Faramir. *is squicked*

Have a platter of chocolate-covered profiteroles, a recruiting poster of Lord Kitchener, and a pet mongoose, available for collection from the PPC Mongoose Shelter.

Always nice to have new boarders ;)

Anyway, you are either much braver than I am, or your brain has a lack of mental nerves. I have enough trouble getting through the missions tackling legendary badfic (and no, it's not that I'm interested in the "story", it's that I'm interested in the agent).

If you are intent on reading those stories, take a bladed yo-yo. It might help you keep your mind off the worst parts--especially during the learning phase. Yes, that does mean that it is possible to use the yo-yo without slicing your hand apart. Practice and you'll probably master it.

Welcome to the PPC! Here's a dagger set from the Raven Armory and a bottle of bleeprin. I'm trying to avoid the more disturbing bad fanfic myself, but I think you'll find many if you stick around here long enough. Just check the threads that bemoan a fandom (or five) for the awful badfics that have been created.

Have a large welcoming cake (empty of Agent Lux, I checked.)

Welcome! And thank God I'm not the only Boarder who thinks since Celebrain is a cop out, since the intent is to be disturbing. Now, for the welcome gift...You usually are supposed to give imaginary gifts, but for you, I offer a list of fics bad as or worse than Celebrian! Yaay! Well, sort of...

Cho Chang's Desires
Draco's Christmas Cuppa
Land Before Time: Littlefoot x Cera
legolas by laura
Lion King Orgy Poem
Little Miss Mary
Subjugation

Welcome, new friend! Have some chocolate, and enjoy your stay here!

Fair winds!

Hello! Have a seventeen foot long, multi-color, wool, knit scarf (curly wig not included), and a bag of jelly babies.

Please use them IRresponsibly!

Kittens make everythng better.

Have a coxcomb. It's a sort of silly hat.

Have you tried That Series? It's up there with C*l*br**n on the list of Legendary Badfic. And there's that Land Before Time atrocity...You can check out the Legendary Badfic entry on the wiki. (I'm not going to link you, because linking newbies to the Legendary Badfic is bad decorum.)

Regarding Rule 18, you should be fine. We're a lot more diverse than we were when the rules were written, and while certainly most of us are LOTR fans, as long as you don't bash it, there shouldn't be a problem. (And I'd consider pipeweed more of a tobacco equivalent myself, but that might be just me.)

How did you guys know I was in to Warhammer and Early 20th century Military gear? (seriously - I'm still trying to find out if it's legal to own a WW1 trench spike in the UK, and where I can find one if so). Well, I'll take the helmet, it's better than what we get in the Guard. And the antibacterial sword will come in handy when I need to amputate my limbs in order to escape my inevitable capture at the hands of chaos. The granite pillow is far more comfortable than the standard issue one so thanks for that. The emperor scorpion I can throw at the commisar when I invariably fail my leadership test facing down a horde of charging berserkers, and the bumper sticker I can use to cover up the plasma flash burns I have after Larry's gun exploded in a blast of searing light. So thanks to everyone! :P

Poor Larry. I always thought there was something wrong with him.

And now, some controversy! I've read the rules and I know for a fact that I'm good with most of them. I've never had a problem with other people's opinions, and I respect people's free will, but about rule 18... well, I don't HATE lord of the rings, in fact I think it is quite good fiction and it pretty much invented high fantasy, but I don't think it's the masterpiece everyone makes it out to be, and it starts really slowly. I actually skipped past the shire portion of the start of the book because it was going on about things like baggins family history and I don't know if this was just my version, but it had a 30 page foreword on such topics as the consistency and usage of Hobbit pot. Otherwise it was very good and I would recommend it if I knew anyone who had more mental stamina than a gnat with ADD. So there. Am I getting banned now? :P

Welcome to the PPC! Looks like you are already fairly versed in the normal procedures.

Here! Its a sword made out of disinfectant foam! It cuts your enemies AND bacteria! It might come in handy if you ever have to fight Nurgle. *shivers*

I see you've already been given The Links, so I'll have to settle for offering a granite pillow - it may help you break your head if and when you find something more disturbing than Celebr*an, though I really don't suggest it.

Nice to meet you. :)

It sounds like you don't shy away from the really bad writing. That's good; you've got the stomach to survive here (or at least one better than mine).

Have an emperor scorpion! You don't need gloves to handle it, probably.

*poke*

I don't know what you've already read, of course, but there are a few things you should definitely make time for. First, there is the Original PPC Series by Jay and Acacia--but you HAVE read that, I see. {= )

Second, we require that everyone read and abide by the Board Constitution, because it's nicer that way.

After that, there are several helpful documents on the Wiki designed to help acquaint newcomers with us and our habits and behaviors and general weirdness. Sedri's Guide to the PPC is particularly informative, especially when combined with the FAQ for Newbies and the Mission Writing Guide. If you do want to write PPC missions, you should also see the article about how to get Official Permission.

And that's probably quite enough to start with. {= ) Welcome! Have a bumper-sticker! *sticks one on you* ^__^

~Neshomeh

Greetings from another rookie! Enjoy this genuine WWI British infantryman helmet as a welcoming gift.