Subject: And since were talking Squick...
Author:
Posted on: 2010-02-22 12:37:00 UTC
One should really look at the Suite Life of Zack and Cody section on FF.net. I promise you, you will weep for humanity when you're not raging at Fangirls with no talent for Angst.
and raise you a Zoo. I normally like certain, very select AUs, written by a very, very *short* list of writers. This person, and this story...
Is not anywhere within several trillion lightyears of making that list.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3278186/1/TheZoo
Oh merciful Hades below.... This is just.... I read it a few years ago, purged it from my mind(apparently not as well as I had hoped), and then Gandalf the Beige came up with his squickfic report. This one has, not one, but THREE stories. It's a godawful horrendous trilogy of mind-numbing canon rape. In my humble opinion of course. Have you ever wondered what would happen if someone took the "Human Zoo" idea literally? Oh ye gods of mercy, kill this story!
Charge one: destroying the Statute of Secrecy.
Excuse me while I go get a barrelful of Beige's bleepka, and drown myself in it.
-HonuWahine
So I was looking for an Animorphs crossover to throw at Nume and Ilraen, because it really has to happen eventually. To the surprise of no one, there are six listed for Animorphs and Harry Potter.
And they all look bad. Don't let the good grammar and spelling in the summaries put you off-guard, but do see for yourself.
Granted, mostly they're only mediocre. The third one, however, "harry or jake," is particularly on crack. I'm just not sure it would make the best mission, seeing as the Animorphs barely show up (though Tobias seems to be acting as Har--as Jake--as that person's owl }= P ).
Thoughts? Enraged diatribes? Basically, which one would you most like to see as a mission, and why?
~Neshomeh, who also notes that three of the six have "shifting" in the title, and raises an eyebrow at it.
"Shifting Magic" isn't so bad yet, but Harry and Fenrir are being overly friendly for no real reason, and Fenrir is acting too much like a frightened dog/ugly animal friend.
"harry or jake" is definitely the worst of the lot, although you're right that it barely qualifies as a crossover.
"The Bargin" isn't exactly terrible, but Ax is being randomly violent, and Draco seems to know who the Ellimist is when they first meet. I also don't like that the Ellimist called Draco's magic "better" than morphing (arguably true, but I don't think he would say so to the Animorphs' faces). This would probably be the most interesting mission.
If there were more to the Harry/Fenrir one I'd probably take that, because it's just a terrible idea. As it is, though, I like "The Bargain" for its opportunities for lulz and character-building.
As for "harry or jake" ... Anyone feel like MSTing it? That might be the only way to give it the thrashing it properly deserves. {= P
~Neshomeh, adding to Claimed Badfic list now.
I'll get some later.
I'd rather not impose more Squick on the Board. That and i'm having a hard time looking for badfic today.
I'm pretty sure you'll find the answer is "nobody." Certainly none of the ones above are squicky... just amusingly misguided.
~Neshomeh
Change Squick to Fanthing Fulfillment, then.
I kinda skimmed through this fic, and yes, it was abdominable. More than that, there was a genuine Wall Banger in Chapter 14: It was the Ministry of Magic who sold out the cast to the Muggle Zoo in exchange for the extermination of Voldemort and most of his followers. Not just that, but they sold out Harry and the others just because they were under suspicion. So Yeah, pardon my Trope-Speak.
One should really look at the Suite Life of Zack and Cody section on FF.net. I promise you, you will weep for humanity when you're not raging at Fangirls with no talent for Angst.
This story made me quite PISSED. It casts zoo employees as somewhere between mad scientist and exploiting profiteer. Believe me, NO ONE works at a zoo for the MONEY, not even the top managers; the majority of a zoo's yearly admission income goes to the animals' FOOD. Zoos do not EVER run experiments like the ones Arthur Weasley was put through in this fic, and they would need permission to do so, just like a college science lab does. Finally, a zoo can only actively breed members of a species if reproduction is considered necessary for that species' survival by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums; the director can't just decide that he needs more babies of THIS kind or THAT for the spring rush next year.
That's all besides the main problem of putting humans in a zoo, of course. I was so hoping Remus would just massacre all those zookeeper-like people. What happened to wandless magic, anyway? I should think McGonagall, Snape and Bellatrix would all be capable of that.
I apologize for the long, ranting post and the rampant capitalization, but honestly, I was a little offended by that story.
I did not dare read it (after my report), but as a dog-lover and all around decent human being, I can totally emphasize with you.
Besides, what of the Creekley Report? 20% of the world population having an active magic-gene by 2250, 30% by 2400, almost 80% by the Year 3000? (completely fanon on my part)
... if someone's already started a badfic reportage thread, generally it's best to report subsequent badfic in that one. That way we don't lose older threads off the end of the page.
Enjoy your Bleepka, though :)