Oh dear.

Badfic reportage. by Gandalf the Beige on 2010-02-21 00:44:00 UTC Reply

I have said this before: I am a Harmonian, I ship Harry/Hermione and on this issue I am completely SMEGGING DELUSIONAL in my like for AU fanfic which disregards the epilogue (perhaps also the 6th and 7th books).

But will not defend THIS:

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4605681/1/TheRealUs

It perpetuates the worst Harmonian stereotypes, it showcases horrendous arrogance and character rupture.

AND IT BROKE MY SQUICK-OMETER!

WARNINGWARNINGWARNING: sexual contact (of the second base sort) between preteens.

Kill it! Kill it NOW!

*faints in disgust*

Huh. by Cinnia Aine on 2010-02-21 05:44:00 UTC Reply

I only skimmed through parts of the first chapter (I'll work through the rest and give my thoughts), but I want to ask this question: Why didn't this person make it an original fiction?
Obviously he or she knows the canon well, but if an author is going to twist the canon so much until it is pretty much unrecognizable, why don't they make it original? It's not like you have to write fanfic to prove that you're a fan of this ship or that ship or a crossover involving a pirate ship.
Whatever. At least the grammar and spelling isn't horrible. I'll stomach this as long as I can pretend that the only thing in common with this fic and the Harry Potter series is the names. (The fact that I'm not a Harmonian might make it even easier, actually.)

Oh dear. by Cinnia Aine on 2010-02-21 06:01:00 UTC Reply

I decided to play it safe after skimming just that one chapter and chose to look at the reviews, in particular the more negative ones.

*turns green*

You weren't kidding. That is sick. And really wrong. And sick. I don't think I'm going to actually read the thing, 'cause I'll end up making myself ill.

Burn the badfic, burn it! (It is too bad that this author can't harness the basic plot—minus the gross stuff—and turn it into an interesting original fic. I mean, imagine if this story was changed to be a good AU fic...)

I will gladly donate sporks and bleepka to the poor soul who takes this on.
One word of warning. by Gandalf the Beige on 2010-02-21 05:50:00 UTC Reply

From the second chapter on, keep all sporks or other pointy objects out of reach. You'll feel the urge to commit seppuku at least twice in the course of this story.

I played it safe, trust me. by Cinnia Aine on 2010-02-21 06:06:00 UTC Reply

I decided to check out how the reviews were (because they usually give me an idea of how bad it is). Yeah, I'm not going anywhere near that fic. I'll keep my dinner in my stomach, thanks.

Couldn't stomach much of that. by doctorlit on 2010-02-21 03:45:00 UTC Reply

That fic just doesn't FEEL like it comes from the HP universe at all. I don't know how anyone can take such complex characters and then write a story that's completely pointless and uninteresting.

And why so much Ron abuse? I don't like Ron, but I don't understand the desire some writers have of making him such an idiotic jerk...

I dunno... by Gandalf the Beige on 2010-02-21 03:56:00 UTC Reply

Personally I prefer fics where Ron is conflicted, but gradually comes around, where Molly's biases (if she has any prejudices at all) are subconscious and ground into the bone so much that she doesn't realize it and Ginny...

I don't have nuthin' against Ginny before HBP, but she was being such a snit to Fleur that I couldn't read anymore. Personally, I prefer where she's finally over Harry or possibly (if she has to be antagonistic) desperate, obsessed or possibly deep-level possessed.

I'm not even going to touch the unmitigated level of underage squick in this (hem-hem)story.

Although I did like the idea of an AU deep-cover Delores Umbridge. Maybe someone should recruit her?

Sweet Eru, no! O.o; by Neshomeh on 2010-02-21 05:17:00 UTC Reply

Dolores Umbridge? Recruit? Meep! O.o; I dunno about you, but I don't think the PPC needs another humanoid THAT power-hungry and twisted in within its ranks.

Plus, half the agents would probably try to kill her and her kitten collection within five minutes of her arrival. {= P

~Neshomeh

You might want to consider it. by Gandalf the Beige on 2010-02-21 05:27:00 UTC Reply

It's basically an entirely new character, with the canon persona being an elaborate ruse (or series of misunderstandings). If you read anything from this fic, read the parts in chapter 6 concerning her. She is basically Umbridge in name only.

This OC in everything but name is basically the sole redeeming feature of this fic.

Oh Hades, by Honu_Wahine on 2010-02-21 02:50:00 UTC Reply

I read the damn story all the way through. I want to die. Could someone shoot me through my monitor now? Or at least recommend me to a good psychiatrist? Oh merciful Hades below, I want to die.....
Wait. I deserve this mental anguish. I read *all* of it, in one go, with no bleepka. Oh Hades, I want to die...!
-Honu_Wahine

Oh.. I almost forgot. by Gandalf the Beige on 2010-02-21 04:54:00 UTC Reply

*Brings out a bottle of Bleepka and a funnel*

Will this be enough or should I get the still? I've had the fire set under it ever since I read chapter 2 *shudders*.

Get the still, for Hades' sake! (nm) by Honu_Wahine on 2010-02-21 15:11:00 UTC Reply

I know the feeling. by Gandalf the Beige on 2010-02-21 04:01:00 UTC Reply

"Someone, Please! SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD!"
-The Cat, Red Dwarf

Would you be interested in an insanely long post 5th-Year AU H/Hr goodfic (or two), guaranteed smut and squick free? I know I would.

Weelll... by Honu_Wahine on 2010-02-21 04:15:00 UTC Reply

It's not technically 5th year AU, and it ain't H/Hr, but the Nightmares of Futures Past is good for a read--it's one story on the Pit worth reading(if anyone's interested, it's written by a psych major calling himself S'TarKan)... Oh, and anything on the Viridian Dreams forum--that's where he posts his other stuff. (see here: viridiandreams.net/forum). It's all wonderful stuff, and going back to other fic after reading some of the stuff there will make your brain melt.
*goes to read something by Joshua the Evil Guy*
See ya,
-Honu_Wahine