Please Note: Neshomeh will not be responding to this post, so someone else should.

I solemnly swear I am up to no... wait... wrong oath. Let me try that again.

I comma square bracket recruit's name square bracket comma do solemnly swear to wipe out the UnCanon wherever I encounter it comma to kill any and all Mary Sues I encounter bracket unless they can be recruited bracket comma and to protect the Plot Continuum at all times semicolon also not to stampede comma drool over comma or otherwise attack Lust Objects comma and not to moan about Upstairs too much if I value my life full stop this I swear by square bracket recruit's deity of choice bracket preferrably Eru bracket square bracket full stop.

*Name: Barid
*Species: Jungle Troll (Darkspear Tribe)
Preferred continuum: Warcraft
Preferred department: All-Purpose Department, Warcraft Division
I like to: (check all that apply)
X kill 'Sues
X light fires
_ use gadgets
X administer first aid
_ fix things
_ provide psychological help
X yell
X assassinate
_ stop homicidal partners
X destroy fuzzy animal companions
_ wash bloodstains
_ be on medication
_ knit
X find new ways to kill 'Sues
X travel to new places
X Other (Please specify):
Collect shrunken heads
Practice Voodoo
Dance


*Name: Eamon Brightbeard
*Species: Dwarf (Ironforge)
Preferred continuum: Warcraft
Preferred department: All-Purpose Department, Warcraft Division
I like to: (check all that apply)
X kill 'Sues
_ light fires
X use gadgets
X administer first aid
X fix things
X provide psychological help
X yell
_ assassinate
X stop homicidal partners
_ destroy fuzzy animal companions
X wash bloodstains
_ be on medication
_ knit
_ find new ways to kill 'Sues
X travel to new places
X Other (Please specify):
Study history
Polish his armor
Avoid Luxury (he has taken a vow of chastity)

Barid and Eamon are both from Azeroth, a planet in the Warcraft continuum. They were recruited after having dispatched a Sue that wandered through their battle to the death on her way to seduce the Warchief, Thrall. The agents who had been tracking the Sue showed up shortly thereafter to find the Troll Priest and Dwarf Paladin dazed and covered in glitter. Barid and Eamon were transported to Medical to recover from their near-Sue experience.

Upon their release from Medical, the two were recruited into the Warcraft Division of the All-Purpose Department due to the fact that the Division is highly understaffed. They now share a Response Center and visit their home continuum frequently on missions, and the occasional food run for Barid (due to the clearly racist policy of not feeding Trolls).


Oh look, a writing sample.