Subject: Good golly
Author:
Posted on: 2010-01-22 07:18:00 UTC
That Sue was ... insidious.
[Tasmin nodded. "Make a note of that."
"I will. As soon as you stop sitting on my pen."]
This made me snort.
Nice mission!
Subject: Good golly
Author:
Posted on: 2010-01-22 07:18:00 UTC
That Sue was ... insidious.
[Tasmin nodded. "Make a note of that."
"I will. As soon as you stop sitting on my pen."]
This made me snort.
Nice mission!
Allison and Tasmin have to deal with a non-human Sue in a fandom that is very much like the real world.
This Sue is of a particularly nasty sort; she even used her Suefluence on my betareader (who thought the method of execution was cruel in comparison, but still).
A non-anthro feline Sue? That's... certainly unusual. Given that the side effects of cow milk in felines involves loose stool, I've also got to congratulate you for avoiding a very ugly pun. I've also got to congratulate you for getting a curiosity joke in fairly subtly.
Some nitpicks:
You made me think I should perhaps look for a new betareader. I've always thought she inserted a lot of commas in my text, you top her. Though, I think, the commas you suggested before "and" are refered to as the Oxford comma, and those are a matter of opinion/personal preference. Although, consistency is a nice thing too.
* It's not clear what "Well, abandoned." is stating.
The badfic said they were in an abandoned warehouse, but I figured that if people were still making use of it it could hardly be considered abandoned.
* Formatted as "Stupid Sue not even"
Where did my apostrophe S go after Sue? Must have missed typing it, so I agree.
* Correspondency seems non-standard.
Yep, my spellcheck hated it too. I can't shake the notion, though, that it is a proper word, and that my spellcheck isn't up to scratch.
* "attachment is no place for a fugitive."
It was a pun to what Hannibal said: Life on the run is no place...
So, yes, that probably was a (intended) joke you missed.
* When Face (...) bad deal.
Very good point.
* You probably want to specify who Sammy
That's a habit of mine, I give the OCs nick names (like Sue or head rat) and then not state explicitly that Sammy is the head rat. Although, with the little information that is given, readers could conclude that Sammy is the name of the head rat, or that he just popped up out of no where. In the latter case the agents probably would have made a comment. I will try to look into how to avoid confussion about this sort of thing.
Thanks for the comments. And for reading.
The Oxford comma, or Harvard comma or serial comma, is the use of the comma to separate the last two items of a list of three or more similar items. An example would be the second comma in "I need to buy eggs, milk, and bread." It's recommended but (outside of particularly pedantic high school English teachers) not required in American prose, but seldom used in British prose or journalism in any country, except where necessary for clarity.
The use of a comma before a coordinating conjunction... I'm not quite sure what that's called. It's standard practice in both British and American writing, and not using it in longer or more complex sentences can get in the way of clarity and typically gets some ugly attention. There are times where it is a matter of opinion/personal preference, like most rules of grammar, and there are exceptions. "He jogged and she sprinted." will typically be considered as correct as "He jogged, and she sprinted.", while having faster pacing. In longer sentences, sentences where there are internal lists, sentences where each clause significantly different structure, or sentences where the connection between each clause is less obvious, it's very strongly recommended in both British and American English.
I have no idea what the British rules are for dealing with a comma that is both a serial comma, and also separates a list of several independent clauses, but the only time that comes up in this particular work is a strong enough sentence that you could have comma spliced it without a problem.
The nicknames thing is interesting. I've not seen it used often before, so my apologies for jumping on it.
I guess this is what I should expect for writing a grammar nitpick early in the morning.
In my last post, "The use of a comma before a coordinating conjunction" should be "The use of a comma before a coordinating conjunction between two independent clauses", "sentences where each clause significantly different structure" should be "sentences where each clause has significantly different structure".
You sound very formal.
Anyway. I've just looked at my online punctuation reference, it calls this comma a "joining comma". "It is used to join two complete sentences into a single sentence, and it must be followed by a suitable connecting word."
Thing is, that in school I learned that there never is a joining comma before "and". Granted, this was how to punctuate in Dutch, but I also remember English doesn't use joining commas as often as Dutch does (i.e. less connecting words get a joining comma).
I've looked up some additional references, and I will try to apply the joining comma more often in the future.
I'm not an English Teacher. I just tend to do a lot of editing and proofreading for technical manuals. I've been mostly operating from Strunk and White's Elements of Writing and Style, plus what I can remember of the more lenient AP Style Guide.
Sorry for bugging you too much over this matter.
That Sue was ... insidious.
[Tasmin nodded. "Make a note of that."
"I will. As soon as you stop sitting on my pen."]
This made me snort.
Nice mission!