Smegging Hell

Official Permission Request by Bronwyn on 2010-01-02 03:58:00 UTC Reply

I, Bronwyn Moyra Elizabeth Sinclair, do hear by ask to join the Protectors of the Plot Continuum. I swear to uphold canon, and to not kill a Mary-Sue until I have gathered a sufficient list of crimes against the Canon and charged the individual.

I swear that should I lose my insanity I shall NOT find the nearest flame-thrower/chainsaw/other sharp implement to wreck havoc upon the Sunflower Official nor his associates. I shall do my best not to sink to the Mary-Sues level and glomp my lust object. Even if I have a neuralizer. In fact, especially not if I have a neuralizer.

I shall uphold Canon to the best of my ability with my two agents:

Agent Eileen

Species: Human
Height: 5’8”
Hair: Red, Frizzy, shoulder length when wet, but dry length depends on humidity.
Eyes: Gray
Age: 16
Department: Mary-Sue
Previous Partner: None
Partner: Agent Dillon
Weapon of Choice: Scimitar, Daggers
Music of Choice: The Who, Janis Joplin, Franz Ferdinand,
Books of Choice: L.o.t.R. trilogy, Simarillion, Terry Pratchett
Pet peeves: Mary-sues, idiot writers, plot holes you can drive a truck through, Dexy’s midnight runners jokes,
Phobias: landing, cows, things-that-always-brush-past-your-leg-while-wading-through-water,
Lust Object: Adric (Doctor Who)
Mini: Dalek: Marsha, Myssa,
RC: 823MS

and

Agent Dillon

Species: Human. We think.
Height: 6’2”
Hair: Brown, short, straight
Eyes: Light Blue, but always wears sunglasses. Even in the dark.
Age: Unknown presumed mid-twenties
Department: Mary-Sue
Partner: Agent Eileen,
Previous Partner: None,
Weapon of Choice: Long bow, Throwing daggers,
Music of Choice: Scissor sisters, They Might Be Giants, Bare Naked Ladies,
Books of Choice: L.o.t.R. Trilogy, original Labyrinth, Neil Gaiman books,
Pet peeves: Plot holes, Time travel fan-fiction, Mary-sues, Twilight,
Phobias: Unknown
Lust Object: Unknown
Mini: Kraken: Norflington
RC: 823MS

And to prove my worth a sample of my writing:

'Riley Cooper:

“1700 hours, Special Agent Riley Cooper reporting. Recovery mission deep into Boss Mama’s compound Tango Kilo, land heavily guarded and Boss Mama seems to be in position just feet from the target. Will update as events progress. Cooper out.”
Slowly Agent Cooper reattached his radio to his belt and took a deep breath, preparing his mind for the mission ahead. Giving himself a quick shake, he peered out from the shrubbery he’d taken cover under. Before him he saw the long trek he had until his destination, and a series of dangerous obstacles between him and his prize.
Just as he made to crawl out from under cover one of Boss’ guards walked out of hiding not far in front of him. The shadowy character was tall and thin with a large gun held ready in gloved hands. Quickly and silently Cooper slid back out of sight, fearing he had been spotted. The guard glanced shortly at the stand of trees next to him with suspicious eyebrows cocked, then continued patrolling the area’s perimeter. As soon as the guard was out of sight, Cooper darted out from his hiding space, keeping low to the ground.
He journeyed more than half the distance without any further occurrence, but as he made to crawl around the trees that would direct him toward his goal a guard dog prowled in his direction. Holding his breath, the special agent pressed himself down into the mud, hiding any exposed skin and trying desperately to hold completely still. The dog approached him, sniffing the air eagerly as it searched for the intruder. Moving slowly and deliberately so as not to attract attention, Cooper lifted a small stone and tossed it toward the hedge where he’d just been. The guard animal immediately turned and raced after the rock, no longer interested in the direction in which the agent lay.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Agent Cooper began creeping forward again. He crawled past a position where a large bald guard stood in his outpost, transmitting a report over his radio in a strange language. His heart beat rose as he realized how close he was to succeeding in his mission. Tango Kilo, was directly ahead and Riley could see his target sitting on the windowsill of the hut. He took several deep breaths as he crept towards the open window, steadying his nerves. If he got too anxious he would never make it away with his life.
The agent crouched beneath the window, waiting and watching for a moment when Boss Mama would be looking in the opposite direction. There she went - something caught her attention on the table in the next room to her. Cooper leapt to his feet, and made a dive towards the target.
“Riley, get your hand out of that cookie jar,” Mrs. Cooper said without even turning to look at him. Riley’s hand retreated hastily. “How many times do I have to tell you? No cookies before dinner. Now go and wash up. Dinner will be ready in just a few minutes.”
Cooper grumbled and turned away, retracing the way he had come. The frustration of defeat hung heavily over him as he passed his father chatting away on his cell phone. His father glanced up long enough to grin and roll his eyes before going back to his conversation again.
“Got busted again, special agent?” his older sister jibbed with a snide grin. He shot a short glance at her as she carried the hairdryer past him towards her bedroom “You’re never going to get away with that trick, runt. Mom sees all.”
Riley continued past her and to the bathroom sink. As he washed his hands beneath the rushing water a slow smile spread over his face. He hurried into his room and drew the small tape recorder from his belt.
“1800 hours. Special Agent Riley Cooper reporting in. Operation was a failure. Position was compromised. Will attempt the mission again tomorrow. Cooper out.”'

I hope you will take look over my application and deem it worthy of the PPC, if you should not I will do my best to improve and apply again at a later date.

Sincerely,

Bronwyn.

Permission. by Araeph on 2010-01-02 17:26:00 UTC Reply

I agree with Indemaat that you have been on the Board for a small amount of time; however, if you send me your first mission at the e-mail address above, I will look it over. You seem to have a good grasp of the basic spirit of the PPC; I recommend browsing the wiki a little more, but you have the essentials down.

In addition to the Torchwood minis, PotC minis are not mini-Krakens. Norflington is a Misspelled Monkey. You can find a (mostly) complete index of minis here. (And if you wish to adopt Norflington officially, I am in charge of making the graphics for that particular mini.)

Good luck!

~Araeph

Smegging Hell by Bronwyn on 2010-01-03 00:30:00 UTC Reply

I just can't get it right can I? Oh well no harm done; and thank you Indemaat, and thank you Araeph for correcting my mistakes. Good thing I haven't sent anything yet or I'd look like a compete dork. I'll fix this and finish the mission before reposting. Oy vay.

Oh and before I forget, when should I kill the sue? I'm only on the fourth chapter and I've racked up 103 separate charges, And Eight (count them) Geographical aberrations, of which there are 2 banks (U.S., France), 6 freaking mansions (U.S., U.K., France) and a loft (U.K.) to burn down, 6 mini-Aragogs, and 3 Mini-balrogs. And I've still got eight chapters left. I don't know how much more I can take. Can I PLEASE kill her yet? Oh and she was disabled because of Mr. Dursley beating her, but her wand is made of 'Galadriel's hair, the 'heart tree' of rivendel, a bone from the Balrog Gandalf slew, And hair from Lord Elronds head'. WHISKEY TANGLE FOXTROT! And I've still got eight freaking chapters, and the thing isn't even finished.

PLEASE, for the love of The Flying Spaghetti Monster let me kill her now before I lose my nerve and never become an Agent because I'm drooling in the Psych Ward due to Brain trama because I stabbed myself in the eye with a dull spoon.

Many Thanks,

~Bronwyn

What I mean to ask is, by Bronwyn on 2010-01-03 02:32:00 UTC Reply

Have I got enough of a charge list?

*laughs* by Araeph on 2010-01-03 03:15:00 UTC Reply

You don't have to go through the whole fic before killing the Sue. Just as long as you wrack up enough major charges (which it seems you have), you can kill her whenever it is most dramatically appropriate to your mission.

~Araeph

One, Pads and I got enough charges .... by The Trojanhorse on 2010-01-03 23:04:00 UTC Reply

... to stop and exorcise at the end of chapter three of a seventeen-chapter fic, simply because after that chapter, the fic was totally off the map of canon and out into some very strange places indeed and we felt it appropriate to stop it at the main canon breach for the sake of everyone's sanity, including our own.

*catches Trojie's typo* ;P (nm) by Sedri on 2010-01-08 08:43:00 UTC Reply

As I see it... by Farseer Lolotea on 2010-01-03 13:06:00 UTC Reply

...if I got away with Garrett and Claypool stopping the Sues before they even got to Azeroth, you should be fine.
THANK YOU! by Bronwyn on 2010-01-03 03:23:00 UTC Reply

Hassa-loo-sah! Praised be the PPC! I only managed to get to chapter four before my brain near imploded and I turned to the Silmarillion for a nice dose of good writing. good... good MONKEYS! erm... writing.

On a side note, where should I host my mission reports should I be accepted. Is Livejournal best or should I stick to the Pit?

~Bronwyn, the now slightly looney.

It depends. by Araeph on 2010-01-03 03:27:00 UTC Reply

If you have your own website, you can host them there. If you have a livejournal, you can host them there, too. (I'd recommend creating either separate tags or a separate "memories" folder, though. Alternatively, you can create a new LJ just for your agents.) We also have a community LJ where spin-offs can be posted. We're really not picky about where it is, as long as we can get to it.
And whatever you do, don't forget to link it here when you're done!

~Araeph

Oh, but about the Pit... by Araeph on 2010-01-03 03:33:00 UTC Reply

You can post PPC missions there, but the rampant Mary Sueism on that particular site ensures most PPC adventures a, shall we say, speedy and involuntary removal from the Pit premises.

~Araeph

I'll keep that in mind, Thanks (nm) by Bronwyn on 2010-01-03 03:41:00 UTC Reply

FYI: Doctor Who minis by IndeMaat on 2010-01-02 10:39:00 UTC Reply

Doctor Who minis are called mini-reapers. Boarder Karma (who seems no longer active) first encountered them, so she got to name them.

Incidentally, Torchwood minis are also called mini-reapers, because I got to name them and it made sense to me that in the spin-off universe the minis would be the same ('cept that they have a little trouble flying in a straight line).

My apologies, by Bronwyn on 2010-01-02 16:30:00 UTC Reply

Got it, I'll change the information accordingly. And sorry about the Mini mix-up I had yet to read anything to the contrary so I went with what seemed the most appropriate.

And sorry also about the short wait Between Introduction and Permission Request, it's just the fan-fiction in question irritates me to no end and I would like to be the one to kill it. I will do my best not to abandon the PPC after only a few missions, as that does seem to be a popular (albeit annoying) trend.

Sincerely,

Bronwyn.

The wiki for all your information by IndeMaat on 2010-01-02 17:22:00 UTC Reply

On the PPC wiki (ppc.wikia.org) there is a list of fandoms that for which minis have been identified.

What could help in keeping your PPC enthusiasm while you wait, is already write the mission, but not post it yet. That way, the waiting period passes more quickly, plus you find out whether you are really cut out to become a seasoned agent. ;-)

thanks for the advice, by Bronwyn on 2010-01-02 17:58:00 UTC Reply

I'll be sure to get writing, so that way if I do become accepted I have an initial thing to put out, as opposed to being accepted and then two weeks later putting my first mission out.

And as a gift to all, a Science Geek video that although it is 30 minutes long is what I based Agent Dillon upon.

Link: http://www.rifters.com/blindsight/vampires.htm

very funny, but only if you're into science, and it doesn't go over ones head.

Another thing by IndeMaat on 2010-01-02 11:03:00 UTC Reply

You've made your introductory post on December 20th. That may be considered a little bit short for a waiting period. (Something to do with too many people abandoning the PPC after only one or two missions).

*laughing* Oh, I like this. by Cassie Cameron-Young on 2010-01-02 06:57:00 UTC Reply

You've got a nice comic touch, it seems, and I think I like your Agents. I'm not a PG, but this seems pretty okay to me, though there are a couple of hiccups that a decent beta would have caught, e.g. "hereby", not "hear by".

All in all, though, I like this. Good luck!