Could be a little shorter

OT: Help with ass covering. by Ansela on 2009-12-09 19:16:00 UTC Reply

After an incident on my fic journal where a parent caught their child looking at one of my more adult stories, I've decided to put a disclaimer on my pinned archive post. Problem is, I don't generally bother with this sort of thing, so I don't know what to put. This is what I've scribbled out so far, but advice on if anything else is needed would be appreciated.

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General Disclaimer: This journal contains works of fiction unsuited to those under the age of eighteen, or the equivalent age of majority in the country that the reader originates from. All characters involved in these works are considered to be over the age of eighteen, unless stated otherwise. If you are reading this statement then you have stated at least once before reaching this page that you are over the age of eighteen. I take no responsibility for the actions of others in reaching this archive. If you, or someone you have responsibility for, lies about their age to access the stories contained here, then they are the ones who have perjured themselves. I can take no responsibility for the actions of people separated from me by up to thousands of miles. Themes contained within these works of fiction include, but are not limited to, graphic male/male sex, bondage, torture and issues of dubious consent and non-consensual sex (rape). None of the characters and settings in these works are mine, and all of this fiction is written for free and no profit is being made from this writing at all.

Could be a little shorter by IndeMaat on 2009-12-11 09:16:00 UTC Reply

It sucks that you need a disclaimer to point out that you are not responsible for people lying about their age.

I would take out the part from "I take no" to " thousands of miles". People who deliberately read past two or more age warnings are not going to be bothered whether or not that is your responsibility (it is, it's never their fault /irony), and it kind of takes away the will for anyone else to read further. Whereas I think that the section on themes is important to be read. Perhaps you could even off-set the last two sentences in their own paragraph.

Hope you'll be spared this kind of asshattery in future.

Re: Could be a little shorter by Ansela on 2009-12-11 14:21:00 UTC Reply

It isn't aimed at the people who lie about their age to gain access to that journal. That would be rather hypocritical of me. It's aimed at pissy mothers who try to place the blame on me for their children reading my fics. That sentence is there because the woman was basically saying that I was the one at fault.

I think I will put those last two sentences in a separate paragraph. And maybe move the bit about the themes so it's the second sentence. That sentence you pointed out... it is a bit strong though, and redundant really. And, although the Board seems to have lost that coding, it's in size=3 font on the actual post.

Thanks for the help.

I think it's fine. by Sedri on 2009-12-09 21:01:00 UTC Reply

Might want to make it a bit shorter, though. Essays worth of disclaimers tend to be irritating after a while, especially if it sounds defensive. Also, people are more likely to read something short.

Re: I think it's fine. by Ansela on 2009-12-10 00:37:00 UTC Reply

That is the condensed version though. The original was several paragraphs long, had several all caps sections, rather more bolding and was mostly set to size=3 and size=4 font. This is the edited one from after I calmed down a lot.