have some C4 plastic explosives. they might help get rid of the things that keep getting up. you might need blasting caps to set the C4 off. fire won't work on its own. And i have a dragonlace-verse dragonmetal sword. it could cut through your scales. and anything else.

welcome to the PPC. have fun.

Welcome to the PPC Board. Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *provides receptacle marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't have much need for it here. Also, here is a board with which you may hit yourself in the head. Pie Iesu Domine, dona eis Requiem... which basically translates to "Christ, give me a break!"
-Mad Maudlin

Welcome! Have a cup of tea. It'll cure what ails you, up to and including loss of limb.

So, have you any fandoms you pay some attention to? And are you dead set on Sues? Only we're always after new recruits for the DBS. Occupational hazards are limited - there's Lux, and prolonged exposure to the department has a detrimental effect on one's ability to comprehend heterosexuality - but it's good fun nonetheless.

This one is Polish, has a random unpronounceable Polish name and is very long and very fast. Be careful not to burn his sails, he won't appreciate it (yes, this ship is a he).

Have a winged kitten. As a pet. Not a potential food source.

I give you...an egg whisk! It's shiny, gold-plated, and whisks not only eggs but author wraiths and spambots as well! Use it for good and not much evil.

Welcome to the insanity! Enjoy the ride.

Have an improbably racist chainsaw! ♥

Have a dragon-sized random shiny that negates most standard fireproofing, and laser claw tips.

Also, Dragon fagirls are coming!

@ Sedri: There's a reason for that. :P I've actually been using this name for about ten years now. Also - I like the sound of the Transdimensional Pocket Knife, but what's a Capillary Towel? O.o

@ Ugolino: And while you're using your spell, I'll just turn you into a pile of ash. Isn't fire-breath wonderful? :P

@ Chliever: I'm just not used tot he idea that daemons can be good guys. I know them too well. Also, an alternative to mumps would be nice. :P

@ Tawaki: I'm not a big fan of Doctor Who, so I was thinking of going the traditional route and taking an RC. Also - um, thanks for the plover?

@kgarrett: I don't think I've ever seen a flax before. Shiny new toy. ^_^ Things that burn are always welcome.

@ Pit Viper of Doom: Interesting screen-name you have there. :P I don't actually mind Tirry - people have been calling me that for years elsewhere (not that any of them asked permission).

Can I call you Tirry? Just kidding. I value my non-incinerated-ness. Is that a word? Probably not.

Formality is completely unnecessary, except perhaps with Flowers. But most agents don't even use it with them.

But here's one anyway. Careful where you point it, though, flamethrower/axe hybrids are not pleasant. Anyway, welcome aboard. Hope you decide to stay, and have fun regardless of what you ultimately decide to do.

BTW, will your Agents be based in a TARDIS or a response center?

Sorry my Agents alarmed you, they're both perfectly all right.

Have some mumps.

Actually... I probably shouldn't give you the mumps. I'll be back once I find a suitable newbie present.

We are the Plorg. Resistance is futile. We will add your canon knowledge and writing distinctiveness to our own.

Seriously, welcome.

As for the scales, Quickened Disintegrate.

Welcome. Interesting names; sounds very Pernese. I give you a Capillary Towel and a Transdimensional Pocket Knife. :)

Don't worry. I'm no dragon killer. At least, I'm not a killer of the un-sueified ones. Here's an ice-proof helmet from the Raven Armory, specially made for dragons. (It might be useful if you ever visit certain fandoms in the winter. Don't ask how I got it to be dragon-sized.)

I comes bearing links. *drags out Big Bag O' Links and digs through it*

First off is the link to the Wiki, a veritable fount of information for a newbie to read through. Especially helpful for you if you want to write missions would be the page on Permission (note the capital P).

I would advise against reading any Legendary Badfic, unless you are of strong mind and stomach. Even the summaries have been known to give those of weaker constitution nightmares.

For your reading pleasure, not knowing what you have already managed to find, I have several links for you. The Original Series (not to be confused with Star Trek) is a good place to start, as the PPC did many aeons ago. What do you mean I'm exaggerating? The Department of Geographical Aberrations is another interesting place to visit, if you have the time and inclination. Also by hS is the Tangled Webs site, which contains backstory for the PPC as an organisation. If you would rather visit the Floaters, then July's site is the place you need to be. And last, but most definitely not least, Response Centre 45 is where Trojie and Pads' missions are archived.

Hope you enjoy your stay here. Please deposit your sanity into the container offered to you by another Boarder; you won't be needing it here.

Italics, bold etc are possible here, if you know how to use HTML. Don't look to me for an explanation of how to do it though, since I've found myself to be made of fail at such things.