Since I have no control over a computer breaking, however, I still want to say "hi". Here's a fancy fire-proof shield from the Raven Armory. (I don't know if they actually sell fire-proof shields, but just in case they do... Maybe they had enlisted help from a mage?)

here is some C4. blease don;t use it to kill anyone. it makes a nice fire when you light it.

Welcome to the PPC. Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *indicates bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* You shan't have much use for it here. Also, here's a life-size cardboard cutout of Edward Cullen and some matches. You know what to do.
-Mad Maudlin

Have a shapeshifting plushie.

I come back from a 25-mile backpacking trip just in time to greet the newbie!

Welcome! Hello! Hi! Are you insane? I hope you are. It's a bit of a requirement here.

I gift you with a bottle of Bleepka and a sock full of rocks!

Very useful.

I'm sure you've already been told all you need to know, so I'll just offer a friendly but uselessly undefined warning about the floor. Beware the floor. Have a nice day.

:)

Hello dahlink... *scritches you about the ears*

I'll get you all shown around later, right now I have to help mother doing things to get ready for Fair. Remember, we need you by the second at the latest.

*huggles*

And no worries that we're not a matched set, dear. I was kinda worried that Lyo would be a bit too much of a Sue to survive here... (Though former Sues do sometimes find homes here.... Muahaahaahah...)

Welcome, welcome! Have an incredibly racist chainsaw!

Yay for siblings! Here, have an egg whisk. It's shiny, gold-plated, and whisks not only eggs but author wraiths and spambots, too! Use it for good and not much evil.

Welcome to the insanity! Enjoy the ride. ^_^

*poke*

Welcome a'Board! Required reading includes the Original Series and the Board Constitution, but I imagine your friends have told you that already and can show you where to find said required reading. {= )

In the meantime, you use some emoticons with which I'm not familiar. Could you explain owo and >w
~Neshomeh

BTW, will your Agents be based in a TARDIS or Response Center?

This one is Russian, 110m long, and very fast. Have fun with her and mind the parking spots, she's not that easy to park. And be careful: she's a he.

Welcome to the PPC. Here, have a bag of pebbles and a Random Shiny Object.

Lovely to have you here. ^_^

greetings from the Planet Zog. Our people welcome you and hope you value your time here.