Subject: Well, it seems i'm done. (nm)
Author:
Posted on: 2009-05-26 15:33:00 UTC
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Looking for opinions... by
on 2009-05-25 19:57:00 UTC
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(A basic summary, as I haven't gotten to the part that fully explains what everything does yet)
The Canon Regulation Institute. A highly advanced, trans-dimensional organisation whose job is simple. Stop paradoxes. Reality must not be allowed to contradict itself. The main cause of reality contradictions? Why, those ever glittering bastards, the Mary Sues.
The CRI's Militavy Fleet consists of nearly innumerable Canon Protection Vessels (infinite number of dimensions = infinite resources and technology to leech off everyone else) are spread across the multiverse, hunting down Mary Sues wherever they can find them, and fixing reality contradictions before they can spiral out of control and seriously ruin everyone's day (which they *will* if they go unchecked).
Ironically, they're actually hunting down the prime source of contradiction: the Original Character, but since they can only detect the reality distortions, they only hunt down the 'bad' ones that are, y'know, breaking reality and stuff. The 'good' ones (that don't do the above), are just ignored; the CRI can't detect them, so they just slip right through the nets. The CRI itself isn't too fussed about this, though a few factions within it are.
Sounds all sane, reasonable and normal(ish), right? Well...
Say hello to the CPV Icarus, a somewhat dilapidated old Juggernaut from the old days where the CPVs had to be roughly the size of a small continent to cram all the technology and equipment needed for stable dimensional transitions, reality shielding and so forth. Officially, the CRI is keeping it in service out of respect for the vessel's long and infamous tour of duty. Unofficially, it's the dumping ground for all the people they don't like very much. It's crewed by nutters. The only reason it hasn't imploded itself yet is that its current captain absolutely adores old fashioned ships and would, does and will put her own life on the line without a thought to keep it flying. It's considered something of a bad joke within the CRI... a measuring stick to compare all the other ships against. And yet, it still somehow manages to do its job, capturing and de-Sueing more OCs than even some of its more respectable cousins. Thus, the Icarus keeps flying...
Caught between the idiosyncrasies of its own crew, jealously and irritation from the rest of the CRI and of course the reality-distorting whims of the 'Sues, can it stay that way?
That's the premise. And believe me, a lot of the characters are quite cheerfully mad (in the funny, endearing way). Bizarrely, so far it's looking like the character interactions may get more focus than the whole 'Sue-hunting' thing... this might be because I'm more fond of character-driven stories, mind. And it's not set in any particular continuum; the CPVs are fully capable of trans-dimensional jumping. At the start, they're hanging out in the Harry Potter verse, snagging 'Sues as they try to get on the 'Express (CRI personnel and equipment are invisible to normals thanks to Reality Shielding - this is also how they can get away with sticking a great big continental-sized slab of metal in low-Earth orbit without seriously screwing up things like the tides).
So, what does everyone think? I can post up more (ie Character notes, what I've written so far etc) if anyone's interested. Comments, ideas and criticisms all accepted; particularly the latter. The sooner you spot a problem... -
My two bits. by
on 2009-05-27 00:33:00 UTC
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Basically, I think this idea sounds awesome. I love space stories, though my own attempts at writing them usually fizzle.
I'd advise you, since you're writing this with heavy emphasis on the characters, to keep a close eye on them. Characters, especially those who you think you've plotted out their personalities and such beforehand, have a tendency to get away from you and run off in their own direction. You might have to jerk them back into line every now and then.
(In my own experience, Fritz is a good example of this; he's shown himself to be much less worrisome and more aggressive and laconic than I'd originally intended. Some of my older characters also refuse to be pigeonholed.)
That said, I admire you for doing something like this, and based off the character sheet you posted you've got a good strong roster to work with, and a solid premise to build on. If you ever need beta-reading, drop me a line. -
I guess mu Infernal Trio is going to evolve on its own too. (nm) by
on 2009-05-27 10:27:00 UTC
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It's a trait of a proper character. by
on 2009-05-27 10:31:00 UTC
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Just like a person, they change over time. Sometimes dramatically, sometimes slowly, but there is always some kind of change.
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Sounds cool. by
on 2009-05-26 05:43:00 UTC
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Character-driven is good. Don't shy away from that. Just make sure that whatever you show about and between the characters has bearing on the story as a whole. It's easy to get dragged off on tangents when the characters lead the way.
~Neshomeh, speaking from experience. -
Spaceships=Coolness. by
on 2009-05-26 05:17:00 UTC
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Also, make sure that any parallels with the PPC aren't carried too far (there can be too much of a good thing) and that the story can stand on its own ends.
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Re: Spaceships=Coolness. by
on 2009-05-26 09:09:00 UTC
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Don't worry, there are very few parallels, apart from the Sue-hunting thing. The CRI's primary job is to fix reality distortions rather than actually destroying the Sues (where possible, they actually 'un-Sue' them if they can) and they don't go Sue-hunting from actual fanfic either. Really, Sue-hunting is a bit more background, to the point where I may actually change it to something more accessible to a wider audience. Like, say, Mad Scientists...
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Also include a bit of space opera. by
on 2009-05-26 11:54:00 UTC
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When spaceships appear, expect large battles with lasers and stuff. Use some technobabble when needed. Justify or Handwave some of the most common tropes (Dogfights in Space? Say that guided missiles are good, but Sues can be killed better by named characters and besides, those are expensive anyway). As for parallels, what I meant was the job situation of the crew, and its effects on their emotional state (yes, I knew that this kind of story exsisted before the PPC, but since this came about directly or indirectly, as a result of Sue Hunting...).
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At least give them a decent salary. by
on 2009-05-26 12:19:00 UTC
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Also, at least have one member of the crew spend it on stuff like action figures and teddy bears, instead of booze. Chocolate and cotton candy are just as good as alcohol and women (at least in my opinion, not that it matters much).
And finally, make efficient use of a continent-sized warship. Even if only 5% or less is being used for habitation, that's still a lot of space. And if you really want to switch to something more mainstream, try Cosmic Horrors (Cthulhu! you've had it too good for too long! And does that other abdomination that threathens to destroy the universe when he awakes, we'll just use Jigglypuff music on him!). Of course, that would harm the canon, unless you can make it belivable. This is only a suggestion, of course. -
Re: At least give them a decent salary. by
on 2009-05-26 15:22:00 UTC
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Mm. After much thought, I think I'll change it to an intersellar police force. Keep the same basic theory (ie the Icarus is still the adhoc, outdated dumping ground for all the people that Admin don't particularly like), cutting out the Sue parts entirely, to focus fully on the warped cast of characters. Still, the focus is on silly to heart-warming character interactions and how the cast can still interact with each other despite being spectacularly messed up individuals (with the exception of the one, lone, sane person aboard the ship, who basically got transferred there by a typo).
Current Character Sheet:
Tashi Invanargres.
The Captain of the Icarus. Is known mostly for being pretty-much in love with her own ship, and probably knowing more about it than most of the engineering staff combined. Leaves most of the operations to Myka. Not that fond of her last name (for being hard to pronounce). Frequently found tinkering with something. Also notorious for knowing next to nothing about criminology and actual police-work; it's pretty obvious she's only there because she wanted the ship when no-one else did. In fairness to Tashi, she is probably the best the Icarus could have hoped to get for a captain; someone who actually gives a damn about the ship rather than someone who got the posting forced on them because they've been disgraced. A side effect of this is that Myka effectively directs the ship's operations. Tashi doesn't care so long as she gets to mess around with the ship. She will pull rank if he tries something that could potentially damage the ship, however.
Myka
Commander of the Marines contingent aboard the Icarus, and responsible for planning and operations. Seems to be trying to get into Tashi's good books, but for the most part is just considered a drinking buddy; Tashi likes her ships a bit too much. A money-grabbing magnificent bastard, who's cost cutting policies annoy the marines about as much as his planning skills impress them. Has been barred from joining in the team pools created by Mayweather and Lude, for cheating and manipulating events into his favour. Very careful to keep Tashi on his side, since she's the only person who can actually pull rank on him.
If there's something with money involved, expect Myka to inexplicably pop up at some point.
Luciana Taylor
A gun-crazy female marine in the Corps. Known for being remarkably trigger happy with her dartgun (the Judiciary Marines use non-lethal dart-guns to subdue suspects), she frequently butts heads with Myka over ammunition allotments. Also known for being exceptionally hyper, with a love for annoying nicknames. Never, ever call her 'Luce'. Is aware that she comes across as a lunatic, and makes frequent jokes about it (to the point where it's very likely she's actually completely sane and just pretends not to be for fun). Boisterous Bruiser.
Jacks
A permanently calm, apathetic and inattentive military brat who's usual response to anything is basically 'Eh.' Usually found following Taylor or in one of the bars. Doesn't really seem to care about anything and generally goes around like he's permanently stoned. Like most things, Lude and Mayweather have a pool running on this. Wound up aboard the Icarus by annoying his posters by not paying attention / care. The Stoner, more or less.
Fields
An albino midget with an ordinary claw-hammer, she is actually in her thirties (and thus actually older than Kanz), but appears to be a young girl. Is renowned for being completely unflappable and almost robotic. Taylor seems to treat her as a little sister; whether Fields finds this annoying or not is impossible to tell. Shares a strong platonic relationship with Kanz, to the point where the two trust each other completely. The Stoic. Whilst she never herself takes advantage of her bizarre appearance, everyone else frequently does (except Kanz).
Kanz
A large, muscled man, known for being very quiet, polite and gentle. No-one's entirely sure what he's doing in the Marines, but he has a good aim and even treats the criminals cordially. Lude and Mayweather have a pool running on how long it will take him to snap, but as no-one thinks he actually will few have put money in it. Generally seen as the Team Mom, of sorts; even Taylor says that annoying Kanz is like kicking small puppies, even though he's bigger than her by at least two foot.
Pandell Lude
A giant, bald man with a fondness for his rifle and for betting on random things with Mayweather. Remarkably loyal, considering his friend...
Lewis Mayweather
A tall, thin, gangly man in his early-twenties with long hair, a vaguely Scottish accent and a near-permanent grin. Fond of bets and practical jokes, and for some reason Fields. Money switches hands between him and Lude so fast the two practically share the same account.
Dr Cassandra Lodgewick
For the most part, a walking ball of irritation and cigarette smoke, who loves narcissism as much as she does narcotics, but gets Pet The Dog moments around Lye. Finds Taylor annoying. Is basically an Expy of Ristuko Akagi from NGE, with a bit more snark and Les Yay.
Lye
Lodgewick's mute secretary. Communicates through action and expression. Is mute from a throat injury, and always wears a black neck-brace. Implied to be ex-Marines. Generally inseparable from Lodgewick, who usually acts as her translator of sorts. Frequently uses her 'Cute Mute' status to her own advantage, and knows sign language (the problem being that few others do as well apart from Myka and Lodgewick).
Daniel Jones
A young, irresponsible would-be fighter-jock fond of annoying Sanderson and flying stupidly fast. Has a very obvious infatuation with Sanderson, which only serves to drive her further up the wall.
Lauren Sanderson
An tired, responsible skiff-pilot and about the only sane person aboard the entire ship. Finds Jones irritating, but occasionally drinks with Lodgewick and Lye. One of the few people who will not resort to extreme violence when threatened. Wound up posted to the Icarus thanks to a typo on a transfer form that resulted in her getting the posting instead of someone else with a similar name. In recognition of her sanity and sense of responsibility, Myka has put her in charge of rationing dangerous substances (ie caffeine and sugar). The betting pool on when *she* snaps is getting into the thousands. She herself even has a stake in it.
Sakura Onegai Bench
As a 'Sue from the original version of this story, I admit, about the only reason I'm considering making Sakura an actual character is because her name makes me giggle. Serves in the Marines. Is very self conscious about how ridiculous her name is, and is generally naïve and easily to embarrass. Confusion (and teasing) abound on how her name can be read to mean 'Please bench Sakura' and whether that counts as a euphemism or not. It's strongly implied that her parents never liked her very much. -
Well, it seems i'm done. (nm) by
on 2009-05-26 15:33:00 UTC
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Sounds interesting. (nm) by
on 2009-05-26 02:42:00 UTC
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