Welcome, newcomer! Please, have a complimentary walnut! Don't worry, they aren't diseased, nor have they been tampered with in any way.

Ahh, Redwall and Tamora Pierce, I think we'll get along just fine (Veil Sixclaw fan here).

Anyway, I just got back from a 30-mile backpack trip that turned into a 35-mile backpack trip due to deceiving trail signs and an annoying detour, and I thought I'd say hello to the new kid. I gift you a sock full of rocks and a weighted companion cube (don't worry, it will never threaten to stab you!). I'm sure you'll find use for them. My agents would also love to greet you. Say hello to the new recruit, you two!

Adder: Hi, new best friend!

Deuce: Harumph.

Nice to see you! Here, have an egg whisk. It's shiny, gold-plated, and whisks not only eggs but author wraiths and spambots, too! Use it for good and not much evil.

Welcome to the insanity!

BTW, will your Agents be based in a TARDIS or a Response Center?

Have a sack of pretzels. Well, mini-pretzels, I suppose-- y'know, the kind you can eat by the handful. Excellent snack food, these.

And I personally find myself less irked by Mary Sues (though not completely tolerant) and more by the flagrant and brutal violation of the English language that takes place in most of these fics. I'm no English major, but a lifetime of reading has grown my inner Grammar Nazi to considerable size and power, and his howls for justice cannot be contained much longer.

Welcome to the PPC! Please deposit your sanity in the provided receptacle. *holds out bucket marked "Warg Fodder"* We don't tend to have much use for things like that here. Also, have some hugs and a walrus. I have no idea why. After all, THIS! IS! PPC!
-Mad Maudlin

Welcome. Here's a tall ship.

Welcome aboard!

Here's a really big trout and a recording of the World's Funniest Joke. Should come in useful.

Oh, and a spare bottle of Bleepka. You'll probably need it.

Incidentally, Fangirls are coming!

*hands over large stuffed bunny* Wow, I've been missing a lot of events on the Board recently. Including more newbies arriving.

Eh, I think the fandoms are more of a mix these days. Haven't exactly been keeping track, though- has anyone else got a tally?

*offers a towel as welcome gift*

Welcome. Have a cup of tea.

If we were allowed to go after canon Sues, then quite a lot of agents would be lining up to take out young Potter. Which, shall we say, would not make one of my agents particularly happy, as she's his godfather's doppelganger. And has a thing for ripping out throats. This could get messy.

I take it there'll be no tempting you into the depths of the DBS, then?

Here, take this coffeemaker. Now you can work 24/7.

I'm still new myself, and I haven't written any missions yet, but I've been recently accepted in the Department of Mary Sues. My response center is right here, we can lend you a bed until you have your own RC or TARDIS.
http://agent-cal.livejournal.com/
Haven't updated it in a while: I've been busy with exams and stuff lately. Should get active again in the foreseeable future.

Here's a banana. Good source of potassium.

Have some...errr *looks around*....Xtreme Chedder Goldfish.
What? They're addicting.

On the original Sue thing: Seeing as we deal with a Large amount of Badfic already, attacking original sues would probably distracting from our original purpose of protecting the continuum

That, and I have a baaaaaaaaaad feeling that someone here would then try to kill Bella Swan and Wesley Crusher.

Multiple Times.

I see the others have already said everything I might have, so I'll just drown you in DMS paraphenalia and hope you don't get scared.

(*glances at granite pillow* I do hope you ducked in time, too.)

I'm Araeph, and my agents, Mara and Isaiah, would like to present you with a virtual red pen! I'm a fan of LotR as well, although most of my PPCing has been in Pirates of the Caribbean.

Here are some links to get you started:

The PPC Wiki

The List of Everything PPC

Please do note, however, that we protect the canon, i.e. all original fiction universes. Thus, we cannot pursue original fiction Mary Sues, because then we would be warping the canon, not defending it.

Glad to have you on board, though!

You get a petting.

Welcome to the PPC, disregard pretty much all suggestions as rules, they are just suggestions, except the participate often one is Important and Very Much Advised to Follow because That One Is Yes.

You've already seen the wiki, so I won't bother you about that~

Have a baby and some lip liner that David Bowie chewed on.

(The baby is one of Angelina Jolie's, just to let you know.)

Have a couple bags full of C4. There should be about 50 pounds of the stuff in those. It is suprisingly useful. you can, for example, light it on fire to cook things. you have to be careful not to hit it with anything while it is lit, as this tends to set it off. And again, welcome. Also, we don't go after original fiction. Those are the sole property of the writer.