Subject: Despite being a dino nut,
Author:
Posted on: 2009-03-26 06:51:00 UTC
I didn't see the movie or read the book until last year or so. I remember trying to convince my friends that no, velociraptors were *not* six/eight/whatever feet tall, they were about the size of a collie. *laughs*
It's not good, folks. It's dino-porn. Dino/human porn, to be specific.
But we took out all the explicit nasties, and sporked it to within an inch of its life, and here it is:
http://agenttrojie.livejournal.com/71798.html
Er, enjoy?
My brain just broke. I can't say for sure, since I didn't see the original fic, but this seems worthy of Legendary Status.
... although the length of this thread is beginning to make it look like a fair number of people have.
But,seriously, where do people come up with this stuff? Did the fic author sit through Jurassic Park thinking 'You know what would be really hot?' Blargh! An eight-year-old and a dinosaur? That's just...I don't think I have the words to describe my horror.
-ending rant and taking deep breath-
Excellent job with the sporking.
Helen
Because I suspect it'll just end in a messy pile of wtf :)
I have read the book multiple times, though.
Rule 34, cliche as it is, is a likely culprit. A surprising amount of porn has been written and drawn for no reason other than that.
There is also the possibility, slim and disturbing as it is, that someone WOULD find something like this hot. This is, after all, the Internet. It is humanity distilled to its purest essences; the good, the bad, and the VERY ugly.
Personally, I like dinosaurs. I have since I was about four years old, though my focus wandered to other realms of knowledge (history, World War II in particular), and why shouldn't I? They're way cool. But I don't think I ever liked them quite this way.
Also, as biologically inaccurate as it may be, I just can't think of dinosaurs as having feathers. It just sounds WEIRD to me.
To this day I haven't been able to sit through the sequels.
I *love* dinosaurs. The whole reason I'm a palaeontologist is because of the deep and abiding love I've had for dinosaurs since I was four. But as you say - NOT THIS WAY.
(I'm going to be watching JP again soon though - we're having a departmental movie night once a month and while the first film shown is going to be the Core (there's nothing funnier than locking a bunch of geologists in a room with The Core and listening to them bitch), Jurassic Park is on the menu)
But not that way, obviously (shudder). I didn't just want to be a palaeontologist, though, I wanted to be an ologist. In short, I kind of wanted to study everything. When I was little I had the biggest crush on this famous palaeontologist, whose name I have sadly forgotten. And all this rambling was mostly just to agree about the dinosaurs. They really are awesome, aren't they!
Was the palaeontologist Gideon Mantell? Or Richard Owen? Or O.C. Marsh? Or E.D. Cope? Or Bob Bakker? Or Jack Horner (a.k.a. He Who Shall Not Be Named (he was JP's 'scientific advisor'), or John Ostrom?
Studying everything is a wonderful dream. I wish I had the time to! As it is, I must confine myself to molluscan evolution :D
If so, no surprise - who'd want him in the middle of the room with the sane people?
If you want to study everything, you can always study linguistics with me, although if tonight's Old Norse nouns are anything to go by, it's possible your talents lie elsewhere. I, on the other hand, had to have a pint to restore some sanity when I realised I was enjoying conjugating the verb "to slay".
... I suspect the reason he gets *called* Jack Horner is that very nursery rhyme. I think his name is actually John Horner, to be honest.
As far as I'm concerned he can go sit in the corner, though, because the man who let them make Dilophosaurus spit poison and call something blatantly based on Deinonychus 'Velociraptor mongoliensis' DOES NOT GET COOKIES.
NO cookies for him. Bad Horner, go to your corner.
Me and Gideon Mantell and John Ostrom will eat all the cookies by ourselves. Owen, Marsh and Cope can go to the other three corners for all being over-competitive and horrible to each other.
I know Ostrom's name but I don't know where from. Is he mentioned in SoD, perchance? And what's his Big Thing?
Also, how exactly is Deinonychus pronounced?
the one who basically said 'hey guys, look, don't you think theropods and birds are, like, totally closely related?' He also discovered Deinonychus and made a decent case for warm-blooded dinosaurs.
Deinonychus ... well, how I've always said it is 'Dye-non-eye-kus'. I may be wrong. Wikipedia will probably have a phonetic thingy for it, but I can't read the phonetic alphabet, so you're on your own there :)
Ah, so we like that guy then, right?
Somewhere a palaeontologist is crying. Would that be you?
I've always liked reptiles in general, but dinosaurs are particularly awesome. Any fic (squicky or not) that grossly misrepresents them deserves to be killed dead. I understand your outrage.
When I was a kid, Jurassic Park was my favorite film. I watched it at least a dozen times. Oh, did I love the velociraptors! I was very disappointed to learn that the coolest dinosaur ever was supposed to be much smaller and have stupid feathers.
"Clever girl..."
I didn't see the movie or read the book until last year or so. I remember trying to convince my friends that no, velociraptors were *not* six/eight/whatever feet tall, they were about the size of a collie. *laughs*
Ack, TVTropes. You're meant to --ing warn for links to that --ing site.
The reason that Velociraptor in JP are so big is because when Crichton was writing the novel, dromaeosaurid classification was being reworked and Deinonychus, which is about as tall as a man, was assigned to the genus. This has since been rescinded, and it's no excuse for calling the JP raptors V. mongoliensis, but it's a vague sort of explanation. As for the feathers, dude, don't you find it awesome that dinosaurs still live around us? BIRDS, dude, BIRDS ARE DINOSAURS! *has been excited about this since she was ten and will continue to be excited about it for the rest of her life*
Don't get me started on 10,000BC, either ...
I guess my mind is still just addicted to the idea of a scale-clad menace slinking through the undergrowth.
Ooh, what about locking in climatologists (architects are good, too) with The Day After Tomorrow, or astronomers and physicists with Armageddon?
Oh, Hollywood. You torment our scientific community so.
Well, technically not a zoologist until I start college in October, but close enough. The two don't mix well. No biological science mixes well with furry. "What? That's a CANINE feature, it doesn't go on a Pikachu!"
Hell, biology doesn't mix with fandom of any sort. "It's HOW BIG?! What? Why is that man pregnant?! ARGH!"
You must love working the Redwall beat, then. ;)
... as does my natural squee reaction. I think That Series erased any chance of my finding any sexual appeal in furries, though. But bad yiff is funny. Did I ever tell anyone here about the constellation porn?
Sounds like it should involve stars, but that sounds improbable.
It really did involve two constellations inexplicably having sex. I don't know how that was supposed to work, nor do I want to. Can't fault 'em for creativity, though.
Link here, Very Not Work Safe: http://community.livejournal.com/weepingcock/83974.html
The stars aren't actually connected, it's just connections that people make! Mostly. Gaaah.
The Core (for everyone, but particularly the geochemists/petrologists)
Dante's Peak (for the volcanologists)
Volcano (ditto)
Tremors (for the seismologists and those of us who lean towards biology)
Jurassic Park (for the palaeontologists)
The Day After Tomorrow (our Dept. has a strong research interest in climate change, ocean circulation and glaciology)
Deep Impact (for everyone)
Armageddon (for everyone)
Ten Point Five (for the seismologists)
Journey To The Centre of the Earth (for absolutely everyone)
10,000 BC (for the palaeontologists)
I kinda wish I had a Dictaphone, y'know. People's *comments* are going to be hilarious.
You should record it and transcribe the best ones. I'd say all of them, but that's a bit much work.
Have fun with your RIGHTEOUS SCIENTIFIC RAGE!
...Ice Age 3, coming in July, will probably take away your will to live.
... palaeontology-wise (with the exception of the Dodos, but we'll let them slide seeing as they're funny). But the main premise of Ice Age 3 seems ... dodgy.
I'll brace myself for your scream of outrage.
seeing as one of my closest friends is an Ice Age fanatic (she watched Ice Age 1 and 2 once a day EACH for the first two trimesters of her pregnancy) ...
I once read a line in a historic-setting novel that just about sums it up:
"Only bards and pregnant women need never explain their actions."
And for some odd reason I own Ice Age 2, but not #1... oh, wait: my father bought it for me after I rented the first one and showed signs of approval. I didn't like it that much, but... eh. It's generosity, and I'm grateful.
Totally off topic now...
No-one ever asks them to clarify the patently insane things they say.
... they become Indisputible Primary Sources, regardless of whether or not we agree with them. Case points: Plato, Shakespeare, the Bible... could add the Kama Sutra, if you wish...
(more extensive comment on LJ, my loves)
There's something you don't see every day. And thank the Patriarchs for that.
As mentioned on the story itself, I don't have any Bleeprin, but I do have some serious beef. If you need more delicious meats after that ordeal continues, feel free to ask. I'm never going to work through this entire cow otherwise.
Two different screenames make it very hard to keep track of who's who. In any case, you need Bleeprin. Lots of it. Are you of age? If so, here's some Bleepka and Bleepuvian Ale. If not, I offer Bleeopolate. In either case, stock up.
I've been contemplating switching my name on here to DirtyCommie (Wiki) or WarriorJoe (LJ) just to cut down on the confusion. I didn't used to have a community in which all three sites came to at the same time, hence all the different names.
'M not of age, though some of my Agents are. So I'll have to take the Bleepolate.
Things are only going to get more confusing as I proceed otherwise. Might as well make the change now rather than let the situation get worse.
Ah, the problems you encounter when your Internet history and its associated menagerie of various screennames begins to catch up with you.
DirtyCommie is the oldest, with its origins dating back to when I still played Counter-Strike and my primary 'Net handle was BoSS|Communist. I signed up for the Bioshock Wikia in mid-2007 with it as the handle, not realizing that the same name transferred over to all the other Wikia sites.
Warrior_Joe came about while I was kicking around at Camp ... You Die (a Livejournal crossover RP of frightening proportions and sophistication), though I don't remember precisely where the name itself came from. That was back in late 2007, early 2008.
And as for NovaKrazny... When I first signed up for Gmail last April or so, I decided I'd had enough with keeping track of myriad usernames and elected to begin using one Net handle across various sites. It's pretty much my automatic choice when I sign up for a new site by this point.
YIKES!!!!!
that... is bad. Bery veyr bad. Congrats.