I'm pretty sure the hunter guns are fuel rod cannon - heavy radiation and plasma burst weaponry, rather than goo.

In chapter 5 (looks like you co-wrote it with someone), it says "six tanks, and a few warthogs flew over the hill on the other side of the hill." First off, I'm pretty sure Scorpions don't fly - it's more of a lumbering crawl, or at least was in the original. Also, referencing multiple hills gets confusing very quickly - could something be added to identify them?

Per the bits of canon that I've read (Fall of Reach, mostly), I didn't think that Spartan toughness was generally known, so saying "The heavily armed troop transports were fast and maneuverable, and their plasma turrets were capable of killing even SPARTANs in a few shots" doesn't seem reasonable, unless the character making the observation has prior experience in the area.

Technical nit-picking aside, it's very well written. The characters are believable, and I'm definitely enjoying the descriptions of the navy action. The story is very much in the flavor of the Halo universe.

The story seems very unemotional at times, to the point of being almost clinical in its descriptions. It seems to spend more time discussing calibers and target areas than what the people involved are actually feeling.

Okay, one more technical nit-pick... The story mentions the Benelux (odd name - doesn't seem in-character for the universe) moving from low orbit to a geostationary orbit above Eva - that would suggest to me that Eva is equatorial, as otherwise, the Benelux would have to stand on her thrusters.

Geostationary orbit is also very, very high altitude - here on Earth, it's more than twice the equatorial circumference of the planet. Getting that high would make providing accurate orbital fire support difficult from the Benelux a bit difficult. While she could stand on her thrusters at a lower altitude, that quickly becomes a major power drain.