Subject: Kit wants to start a Dept of Overkill for mass missions ...
Author:
Posted on: 2008-11-21 12:27:00 UTC
... and I suggested that the head of that one should be the Titan Arum, because it's a gigantic plant that smells of dead fish and its Latin name apparently means "giant funny-shaped penis", so it's perfect for the really big and really horrible missions.
I was browsing through some SPN fics tonight, and I happened to run across this fic called "Vessels." And it gives me creepy feelings. The grammar isn't spectacular if understandable and the characters all feel really off-kilter. Also, the writer inexplicably spells "Lilith" with a y. The little obsessive-compulsive almost-English-major within me is jumping up and down screaming "NO NO NO LYLITH JUST SOUNDS STUPID NO NO NO," etc.
Still, I'm very new to the fandom--I can count the number of episodes I've seen on my fingers. So I was wondering if someone better acquainted with the series could give this fic a look over and maybe tell me if it should go up on Unclaimed Badfic.
Here's the link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4601292/1/Vessels
Incidentally, I took a glance at some of the other stories listed under her profile, and they have scary descriptions. This one called "Harry Potter and the Chalice" caught my eye. Warnings include (I quote) "slash, rape, mpreg, lots of death and blood duh its got vampires every where". I opened the link out of sheer curiosity, got to the point where Harry gets a letter from someone named Serenity Snape, and then my brain shut down. And began melting when I read a bit more. This is just the first chapter. There are twenty-two chapters total. OH GOD KILL IT NOW MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY SOMEONE PLEASE.
Link for this fic is here:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2556961/1/HarryPotterandtheChalice
Just had a brief flick through it. It's littered with OCs, and by Glod that Serenity Snape needs a good smack, and I couldn't actually find any mpreg or slash. (Hallelujah! We don't have to break our brains on it.)
Preferably DMS, I'd think. The Floaters seem to be getting a lot of the recent missions. And yeah, there are OCs all over the place, especially the Sue (any chance I can bribe whoever takes it to kill the whole mess of OCs instead of just the Sue? :P). For once Bad Slash doesn't have to squick themselves out, but the fic needs killing.
...of my first HP fanfiction are resurfacing in that Chalice fic.
*whimpers*
...Seeing how you guys appear to agree with my assessment of OH GOD WHY THE PAIN. I'm putting them in Unclaimed Badfic since no one has explicitly claimed them. So if any of y'all decide to spork the evil in the future, drop by the wiki to claim them.
I made it about halfway through the first chapter before I started retching uncontrollably. The worst part was, looking at the warnings, that it was going to go downhill from there.
Urgh... MPreg is... just no.
What is it with the explosion in mpreg at the moment? Is it new or are we only just noticing it? Is this the universe's punishment for Trojie's love of biology? And I hope no one objects to us setting up a new division, because we're about halfway through the first mission for the Division of MPreg. Do we need permission for that?
I believe there's a moratorum on new departments. Don't know if it includes divisions too. But you're in Bad Slash, aren't you? Isn't mpreg just part of the job description?
Do you do Torchwood? Badficcers can at least try to claim canon there on the mpreg thing, except when they make Ianto or Owen pregnant and grab for the pregnancy tests.
No, all the Torchwood missions are both reported and claimed by you. And I have to take it slow with the throwing new fandoms at Trojie, although she does agree that Captain Jack is fine. I imagine she may change her mind if she sees him pregnant, however.
The Division of MPreg would be a subset of the DBS, rather than an entirely new department. Basically, there's enough badslash out there as it is, without counting the mpreg, and also Agent!Trojie is likely to have a breakdown if she has to deal with much more of it. So the new division would mean she gets a break rather than a breakdown.
so not much of that gets reported by me because for simple reasons of avoidance I don't see any badslash.
Found the one where Owen did five pregnancy tests on himself. That's only 1400 words long. And hasn't been updated since May. I think that one wasn't reported because I didn't see much of a mission in it.
What Plant are you thinking of for the department head?
~Neshomeh
and making the head of the Division of Mpreg be the Ginkgo - almost all ginkgos in gardens etc are cloned males, because the female tree's fruit are smelly, and so considered undesirable. Given that mpreg authors think that women being involved in the equation anywhere is undesirable, I thought it'd be an appropriate plant. Thoughts?
I like. And not just because I think ginkgo trees are spiffy to begin with.
It just occurred to me that a mandrake would be a good choice, too, considering its shape (supposedly like a man) and the fact that people used to believe it would help women conceive. Flash patch?
~Neshomeh, meddling.
(when I get my own garden it's going to contain only Mesozoic plants - ginkgo, araucaria, equisetum etc :D)
How about having a mandrake root as the flashpatch? I agree that the plant definitely suits the division.
Works for me. {= )
Now I have John Donne lines running through my head. "Go and catch a falling star, / Get with child a mandrake root, / Tell me where all past years are, / Or who cleft the Devil's foot."
(Apparently horsetail is edible. I haven't tried eating any myself, but I'm curious about what it would be like. Would you have to boil it...?)
~Neshomeh
for various medicinal uses. Generally it's considered a weed (but I happen to think it's neat, and pretty), and it's quite woody (and its cell walls are strengthened with silica) - it gets used as a scourer for floors as well, I believe.
Plus, y'know, dinosaurs ate its relatives, which is what I look for in a garden plant!
It does tend to get everywhere, but it's more interesting than dandelions, for example. 'Course, dandelions have their uses, too...
Yeah, my garden will be full of herbs, both the kitchen and medicinal varieties. ^_^
Yay plants!
~Neshomeh
Like magnolias! Their petals are arranged in spirals and there is no fixed number, unlike almost every other plant group in the world!
... and I suggested that the head of that one should be the Titan Arum, because it's a gigantic plant that smells of dead fish and its Latin name apparently means "giant funny-shaped penis", so it's perfect for the really big and really horrible missions.
I had a thought for a division of Floaters: namely, the Plothole Division. This is mostly a joke, as it's mostly inspired by games of Fill the Plothole, and is mostly an excuse for me to justify what Nume was doing for all the years before he switched to the DIC, but it could be a sound idea, too. The way I imagine it, there are stories out there that aren't really awful, but that are a few plotholes shy of really being decent. Suppose there were teams of agents whose job it was to actually fill the plotholes. It would be a nice job for newbies to start out in, and it would be someplace to put agents not really suited to more difficult or dangerous missions where they could still do some good. They might also have to clean up after other departments sometimes--if someone left a bottle of Bleeprin behind, or something like that. Thoughts?
As for the Department of Overkill, I seem to recall talking about it and deciding there aren't enough missions of that caliber to warrant a department for them. It seems to me their job would just be to coordinate things, which happens anyway. Also, the idea of a Flower like that is a little scary. ^_^; Who would want to work for it?
~Neshomeh
... I still think Titan Arums (Ara?) are cool. How many plants are technically called "giant funny-shaped dick"?
I get a giggle out of Latin names. Didja know the Latin name for ferrets ("Mustela putorius furo") means "smelly little thief"?
We've been a bit distracted by the writing of the first mission, which is coming along at a fair old pace despite the fic being hideously NSFW and Trojie doing most of her writing while at work. Will confer with her when she gets her arse online and let you know.
Not Good. Have you added them to the Unclaimed Badfic list?