I’ve been trying to come up with a comedy song for a bard to sing in a Fable fic of mine. I’ve come up with this. It’s based off of something one of you said about a year or so ago about (I think) the amount of Sues that have always known Middle-Earth was a real place (shortly before turning into elves). Someone then said something about why there were no Sues who knew the Silmarillion was real, then it turned out it wasn’t. I thought that was an amusing idea, so I turned it into a song. If it’s cheesy, that’s possibly even better. The bards of Fable are pretty rubbish. Any improvements would be welcome. The song ends when it does because Marek (main character) leaves the room at that point as an excuse so that I don’t have to write any more, but if you want to continue it, feel free.

Some tales have a hero,
Others have none,
But this is a tale,
Of someone really dumb.

All heroes need a name,
Mary-Sue was ours,
A princess by birth and nature,
She was like one of the stars.

Her beauty was great,
Her tongue was witty,
Or so she thought,
She was really a ninny.

She claimed to be intelligent,
But forgot two plus two,
She was as nosy as an aardvark,
And about as sensible too.

So it was that she crept,
One night into her father’s study,
It would have worked,
If her shoes were not muddy.

She found a large book,
Red jacket and hard-backed,
Which predictably she read,
Not as fiction but fact.

It told an epic tale,
About a magnificent gem,
If she ever got the hang of sharing,
Luckily, there were three of them.

They were shiny,
They were bright,
One was coated in phosphorus,
To stand out at night.

So she started on a journey,
Through mountains and mist,
To find a great artefact,
Which didn’t exist.