Mission: Plugged!

Subject: Mission: Plugged!
Author: Lycaenion
Posted on: 2008-09-19 01:34:00 UTC

http://www.freewebs.com/teekandcrebaina/mission4.htm

A snotty, arrogant, curves-in-all-the-right-places Potter Sue; nothing special, really. In the Pit, you can't swing a dead Kneazle without hitting at least seventeen of them.

Unless, of course, they happen to be a very uncanonical horse goddess, with a "lust curse" that turns every male within range into drooling, pawing animals.

If, like Teek, you've got an ex-Token Lecherous Jerk for a partner, and if his re-conditioning didn't go quite as well as one would hope... well, there could be some problems ahead.

Original fic, read and hated by our very own Neshomeh!
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4163393/1/HorseGoddessesandMagicSchoolsdontmix

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Mission: Plugged! by Lycaenion on 2008-09-19 01:34:00 UTC

Re: Mission: Plugged! by HelenofPylos on 2008-09-20 23:30:00 UTC Reply

I throughly enjoyed this. You write so well, and so amusingly. I love your agents...it probably has something to do with my Trekkie heart.

Eeeee, fellow Trekkie! by Lycaenion on 2008-09-21 16:54:00 UTC Reply

*gives you the Vulcan salute*

I'm glad you liked it; this was probably my favorite mission so far. Plus, it's unbelievably fun to drive Teek completely berserk.

Very nice by Rilwen Shadowflame on 2008-09-20 05:21:00 UTC Reply

I find myself liking Crelmos quite a bit. The sheer bastardry in him is most impressive.

Oh, Zarquon... by Lycaenion on 2008-09-20 16:22:00 UTC Reply

...why does everyone like him?

But heh, I've reached new heights of writing bastardry. Should I be flattered by this? xD

(And, all things considered, he is extremely fun to write, mostly because he makes poor Teek go so completely insane...)

Well, given my background... by Rilwen Shadowflame on 2008-09-20 16:26:00 UTC Reply

It says something that both my Agents are Sith. I like villains. They're fun.
*hides one of my Agents because Crelmos is not a person she should encounter* That would be /bad/.
The other one might find him interesting though, but he finds a lot of people interesting. XD

Villains are indeed fun. by Lycaenion on 2008-09-20 17:33:00 UTC Reply

*tries to peer at hidden Agent* Er, she's not Bajoran, is she? (The Sueoine of Crelmos's native fic was half-Bajoran, half-Cardassian; this is canonically possible, but was only used as an excuse for angst. As such, all his tendencies are exaggerated around Bajoran or part-Bajoran females.)

You have, however, intrigued me- do you have any missions up for these Agents?

Oh, no, she's quite human. by Rilwen Shadowflame on 2008-09-21 03:09:00 UTC Reply

It's just she has a few issues. Let's just say his tendencies surfacing would be a combination berserk button and trauma button.

The other one might just find him hot instead. :p
Yes, one mission.

Ah. by Lycaenion on 2008-09-21 16:51:00 UTC Reply

Well, I certainly don't wish to give your Agents trauma...

...but since I've just read your mission (quite amusing, by the way, despite the utter stupidity of the fic), I'm also rather tempted to have Cavan encounter Crelmos in the hallways.

Because Teek really deserves to ask him why he's looking so nauseated, and then start laughing hysterically. The poor girl needs some revenge. ^-^

Zeltrons are infamous by Rilwen Shadowflame on 2008-09-21 16:55:00 UTC Reply

For having strong pheromones, and also for a form of empathy...so they can whammy you chemically, emotionally, and in a Force-sensitive's case, with Force influence as well.
It makes them very...ehm, persuasive. :p

And I'm guessing even hitting on him in passing would sicken Crelmos.

Wow.... by Lycaenion on 2008-09-21 17:12:00 UTC Reply

...er, wow. :D

And yes, it would. I would assume that Cardassians probably aren't very open about certain preferences in any case (probably because the other options don't result in offspring, and where would the Galaxy's finest race be then?), but seeing what Crelmos's original personality was like, it's going to be even worse. xD

Because yeah, there are homosexual Token Lecherous Jerks in fanfiction, but he sure isn't one of them. Being scientific, he might even view that as some sort of genetic dysfunction.

Please stop tempting me to write this, kthx. :D

Aw, why not? XD by Rilwen Shadowflame on 2008-09-21 17:19:00 UTC Reply

Anyway, Cavan's not gay. His preferences are as follows; 'is it legal enough to not inconvenience me?', 'is it aware enough to be some kind of challenge to seduce?' and 'is he/she/it attractive to me?'
I once heard the term 'omnisexual', and it pretty much fits. XD

Fine. It'd make an amusing beginning scene... by Lycaenion on 2008-09-21 17:33:00 UTC Reply

...so I probably WILL. Nyeh. xP

Hmmm... sounds like Kirk. *is shot by William Shatner fangirls*

Feel free by Rilwen Shadowflame on 2008-09-21 17:37:00 UTC Reply

A line Crelmos is likely to remember would probably be.... "So, is all of you like that? Wanna show me?" *cue horrifying whammy of inexplicable attraction* :p

Heheh... by Lycaenion on 2008-09-21 17:44:00 UTC Reply

...and Teek will probably come back to find Crelmos bashing his head against the wall, as he has been doing for the past five consecutive minutes.

To make the thoughts go away? :p by Rilwen Shadowflame on 2008-09-22 02:34:00 UTC Reply

Because yes, he can and does project very vivid mental images if he wants to. And if they're not interested, he'll just enjoy their squickedness instead.
Because among the sensations a Sith can enjoy in the Force, violent revulsion is right up there. :p

Ooh, I like that. by Lycaenion on 2008-09-22 20:39:00 UTC Reply

I am so totally going to exploit the mental image thing. *cackles maniacally*

I think I'll make this into an interlude thingy instead of just a scene. Because now it's starting to deserve its own story.

[[[UNPARSABLE SUBJECT LINE]]] by Makari on 2008-09-20 01:44:00 UTC Reply

I love your Agents, I really do. Their interaction, the way you write them... it's awesome. ^_^

Very nice mission.

Awwww. by Lycaenion on 2008-09-20 03:53:00 UTC Reply

Thanks. *tips her Hat*

It was quite fun to write.

Yay! by Neshomeh on 2008-09-19 17:48:00 UTC Reply

I always liked the Cardassians. They made such great bad guys, and Dukat and Garak were just cool in their own ways. Good mission. ^_^

I think "hate" is too strong a word, really, but meh. I think I was polite in my review... I pulled no punches, but I don't think I was rude. I never insulted the author directly, anyway. Just the character. >.>

~Neshomeh, who just really doesn't appreciate being condescended to.

Heh. by Lycaenion on 2008-09-19 22:27:00 UTC Reply

I didn't know you were a Trek fan. This pleases me. (I am a Trekkie, the child of Trekkies...)

Cardassians are amazingly fun to write- even if Teek may not think so. (It's fun scarring your characters for life, innit?)

Could you give me a brief summary of what you said? I'm curious.
Because, c'mon, I'm the one who had her character torn apart by grumpy Klingons... I'd like to see a slightly calmer opinion, for variation. ^-^

Yup. by Neshomeh on 2008-09-19 23:46:00 UTC Reply

I've seen bits and pieces of all the Trek series except the newest one, which I've heard isn't worthwhile. I know basically who's who and what's what in the rest, though. {= )

My review isn't that long. I basically told her that I didn't like the tone of the story, explained why, and told her that a writer can't treat the readers like morons. I also told her that protagonists must be sympathetic or have some redeeming quality of humanity, or we have no reason to care about them. I used Dr. House as an example of a nasty character with redeeming qualities. The most scathing bit is this one:

"Siris, on the other hand, is overpowered, disrespectful, full of herself, condescending, and totally unsympathetic. The fact that an albino horse goddess with a ridiculous curse is extremely out of place in J.K. Rowling's world doesn't do her any favors. The fact that she makes the characters who belong there and Hogwarts itself all look bad is a death sentence as far as a reader's interest is concerned. None of the canon characters has any reason to like her. Why should we?"

I did give her props for halfway-decent mechanics, though.

~Neshomeh

Mmm... by Lycaenion on 2008-09-20 03:58:00 UTC Reply

Yeah, a lot of people hate the newest one, which I've personally never seen.

House was a pretty good choice; yes, he's acerbic and annoying, but you still like him. A character shouldn't turn sarcasm into sheer arrogance.

Good points, though, and what you said is made all the more obvious by the fact that she blatantly orders you to be jealous of her breast size.
The Pit's demographic has enough self-esteem problems as it is, plzkthx. And I'm kind of, you know, happy with my body the way it is, and I'm not winning any swimsuit contests.
Plus, from the many threads on Pottersues that I've seen about such things, you are being astonishingly insensitive to the fact that breasts that big are actually painful.

Yeah, mechanics were pretty good. I've seen a lot worse. (Except for the "incandescent greeting..." ah, the wonders of find-and-replace spell check.)

It's awful. by Tomato on 2008-09-20 05:05:00 UTC Reply

The most recent Star Trek, I mean. It just...doesn't feel like Star Trek.

I never actually saw it... by Lycaenion on 2008-09-20 16:20:00 UTC Reply

...but I know many of the fans loathe it, and that it had stupid midriff tops.
Oh, and according to my dad, despite the fact that's about a century before Kirk, they meet up with the Borg.

The Borg were kind of in a really, really, really far off bit of the galaxy that humans wouldn't have entered for an unimaginably long time- Picard only did so in TNG because Q, wanting to make a point, put them there. >:/

(I'm a Canon Nazi... oh, and I just watched that episode a couple of days ago and adored it. xD)

Thumbs up by Skid on 2008-09-19 07:37:00 UTC Reply

Great story. I just to get one thing sorted out. the Mary-Sue/horse goddess/object of everyone's lust was only eleven years old right?

I think she was a transfer student. by Tomato on 2008-09-19 14:03:00 UTC Reply

So she might have been older.

*claps* by Tomato on 2008-09-19 05:23:00 UTC Reply

Very nice. Good choice for method of execution.

For the record, yes, larger cup sizes can be very irritating, and I've never met a girl with one who didn't complain about it. To begin with, it's hard to find shirts that fit right...

I've told you this before, but I love Crelmos. And the Cardassian-ification of Teek was awesome.

Thanks. by Lycaenion on 2008-09-19 22:33:00 UTC Reply

Heh heh. The execution amuses me too; I was sitting at my desk, suddenly realizing, "Well, bugger; how do you kill a goddess?"
The first thing I thought of was actually the subtle knife (Æsahættr, the god-destroyer), but there would be severe canonical consequences if it was stolen, and also neither of my Agents had knowledge of it.
So I kept thinking about the death of gods, which led me to Ragnarok, which made me remember the Klingons.

I've seen entire threads on Pottersues ranting at the insensitivity of Suethors giving their creations massive busts, and how uncomfortable it really is. So I felt I was rather justified in striking back.

I'm still flattered by your vast love. Unfortunately, Crelmos does not love you back (er, which is probably a good thing- never mind).
Teek would beg to differ on the Cardassian-ification front. She's probably deeply scarred. (I tried not to make the neck-stroking thing too creepy, but...)