I'm envisioning someone making the comment

'One went to the Department of Mary-Sues, to destroy the immortal, wisest, and fairest of all creatures.
Three went to the Department of Bad Slash, to kill the Angsters and masters of the male hoardes.'
And Five. Five went to the Department of Geographical Aberrations, who above all else, desire fire.

And one... One actually became a Mary-Sue and was killed after glomping Agent Suicide! Squeee!'