Subject: My brother and I played Calvinball once.
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Posted on: 2014-08-14 00:00:00 UTC
Long story short, it ended with mud all over both of us an a score of Pi to Rubber Duck.
I'm all for this becoming a thing in HQ!
Okay, I know we've got Australian Indoor-Rules Quidditch, but this is a game I think we all know the Agents would love to play.
Introducing...
CALVINBALL!
If you don't know what it is, look it up. Now. Until then, try this extract from my fanfiction- I think it pretty much explains it.
“All young boys or tigers are now subject to the Rule of Anachronism, which states that everything is wrong, including this!” Rose yelled, standing on one leg with her arms tied behind her back, and a rubber duckie on her left shoe.
“What does that mean for us?” Hobbes asked, twirling around the Pole of Raining in a spangled pink tutu.
“It means that a shouting match is now engaged between you and Mud,” Rose said, untying her left hand with a spare hedgehog. Calvin, whose name had somehow been demoted to Mud, ran over to one of the two Judgement Waves. Hobbes stood at the other.
“YOU’RE WRONG!” screeched Calvin.
“NO, YOU’RE WRONG!” Hobbes yelled back.
“YOU’RE WRONG!”
“YOU’RE WRONG!”
“ADMIT IT, YOU KNOW NOTHING!”
“NO!”
“NO!”
“NEVER!”
“YOU’RE WRONG!”
“Hobbes has stumbled into the Twilight Zone, and has been set upon by the Vampires of Sparklee!” Calvin directed. His name was now Bin McMud the Second, after an incendiary meeting with Rose’s Fez of Power, which had received an upgrade. Rose’s new name was now Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. Hobbes had somehow been able to stay the same, and was now facing the price.
“Ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-banana,” sang Rose, dancing to the beat of the pogo stick, which was hopping by itself.
“Score!” exclaimed Hobbes, kicking the Calvinball through the Pacman Wicket and up Mount Doom. “I’m out of the Twilight Zone, and have scored an extra few Lady Gaga points.”
“Dum-dum-duhhh,” Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way sang, pointing a Finger of Doom at him, and stomping ominously for extra effect. “Your Gaga points have been subverted into Hannah Montana points, via the evil accordance of Evil Overlord Rule the Eleventeenth.”
“Noooo!” Hobbes sobbed, sinking to the ground. “WHYY???”
As soon as I get Permission, I'm attempting to instate this as an official HQ sport. Until then... thoughts?
~Kitty
I think my favorite technique involves using the fire boomerangs to pop the Balloon of Disappointment until it explodes into the Lasagna of Adequate Fulfillment, triggering the lions and the unicycle races. If you really want to throw a curveball, try launching the pigs and washing cars until the cat wakes up.
...any reasonable opponent would place his Queen there to block those throws.
Or at least make you roll a d20 for initative.
Of course that depends on whether or not you're playing Ulysses yet, but that might lower your score to e (usually, anyway. It's commonly regarded as game-breaking otherwise.)
Generally I try to keep at least technically inside my team's multiplier ring until after the counter rolls over- that way the guards can't tag my respawn point as an unfriendly score position without going through the catcher's triangle. Although of course if you've accumulated any pentalty tokens and the longitudinal opponent team's score is prime, you're free to gather as many white cards as you can get a hold of.
...and reset the counter, then place ICE and possibly more aggressive security measures.
And no pulling the plug on the goalie, that's just bad sportsmanship. I mean, it's still supposed to be a challenge.
Everyone loses and the winner is crowned king of the world. Also, there will be cake.
...the cake can be baked at 4,000°K.
Also, emu defense is possible via time-skip or a Scroll of Genocide.
This sort of thing is exactly the sort of thing that would be a perfect... thing. Anyone with Permission willing to start writing? Or should I write it when I get Permission?
...you'd need to set this up as collaborative effort or maybe even RP. Playing with yourself (sorry, alternative?) isn't quite as fulfilling, I believe.
Long story short, it ended with mud all over both of us an a score of Pi to Rubber Duck.
I'm all for this becoming a thing in HQ!
Actually, just like the PPC. When I get permission, can one of my agents play?
It's not tied to any particular continuum other than C&H, which has very little impact on the PPC otherwise, and should be playable by a wide range of species, etc.
On the subject of it being too "out there", if you look at how Calvinball is played in the comics, while the rules are fluid they are all still recognizable as reasonable game rules in any specific given configuration, they don't just include random objects and ideas. I think keeping them that way would effectively deal with any "too zany" problems.
This is awesome! A bit too crazy even by our standards, but awesome!