We have a club?

Subject: We have a club?
Author: Outhra
Posted on: 2013-03-25 04:11:00 UTC

I read all four books, the first two before I was well-versed enough to realize that they were more than just the usual sort of bad, and I know most of what makes its canon tick, in-story geographical and psychological aberrations notwithstanding for obvious reasons. It's annoying, really, since I also know that everything going on there would be a mess to write a mission on. You can't tell how warped a canon is when it was never put together well in the first place.

For example, I realize now that for most of the secondary characters, diagnosing character replacement would be impossible, due to how much their personalities vacillate randomly in the course of the story itself. It was pretty egregious, especially with King Orrin.
That, and the magic system and laws of physics bend over backwards to give all of any protagonists's opponents a hard time, except in the case of Galbatorix, who, in order to be on the same level as the protagonists for the Big Showdown, goes from malevolent caricature to Villain Stu in the course of one scene. That has to be some sort of record. What sort of scale would we judge Suvian manipulation of the world's rules when they aren't internally consistent in the original story?

I'm going to stop now before this turns into a rant, assuming that it hasn't already.

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Hi by AelinTheAmazing on 2013-03-23 02:53:00 UTC Reply

Yep, hi.
I'm AelinTheAmazing - at least, that's the name I tend to use on the net. Aelin is perfectly fine - friends also call me Fungus. Why? All you need to know is that it involves a friend of mine, summer holidays, and a dried-out paint tray.
I've been into stuff like the PPC for quite a while, since I have an unfortunate problem I've dubbed "train-wreck syndrome" - when I find a badfic, I'm immediately compelled to read it. Sometimes I can resist it, sometimes not.
Originally I came across the PPC while hunting desperately for a sign that there were other people who felt the way I did about badfic. However, I only just got around to putting up this message, due to my bad habit of complete laziness and the fact that I'm also kind of nervous about introducing myself to new people.
As displayed by my extensive list of fandoms, I read pretty much anything I can get my hands on. I used to write badfics without even knowing what they were... rest assured, I have figuratively burned them (I would literally, but I'm technically not allowed to play with fire). At the moment, I usually write original fiction, and put far too many characters into everything because I come up with too many different personalities that simply won't mix.
In real life, those who know me well call me insane. I'm not insane - I simply have eccentric tendencies. Or at least that's what I like to think. Those who don't know me think I'm either opinionated, threatening, or annoying, and that I read too much.
I'm a bit of a grammar and spelling freak and own an imaginary cat due to my psychosis from cat deprivation. I'm a bird addict (really animals in general), although I'm by far a cat person. With other kinds of animals (both imaginary and not), I love Venezuelan poodle moths, Tribbles, least weasels, sea urchins, and Japanese silky chickens.
I speak English, passable intermediate Chinese, some Latin, and bits of German and French. I also play violin and draw a lot, and am a soccer and cricket fanatic. I also have really weird tastes in music - mostly music no one else knows about. I live in California (Los Angeles, to be precise), which is just as great as it's made out to be, although if I could have my pick I'd move to Tasmania.
My fandoms... Artemis Fowl, Chronicles of Narnia, Doctor Who, Dragonriders of Pern, anything by Tamora Pierce, Graceling, Sherlock, Lord of the Rings, Monty Python, Redwall, Watership Down, and nearly any musical you care to name. I'm also good with Shakespeare, Astérix and the Phoenix manga. And Pokémon - it is awesome. And though the Inheritance Cycle is terrible, I know quite a lot of bizarre trivia on it nevertheless.
So, that's me, and once again, hi, and I'm glad to be here.

Welcome From The Newbie by Bausiren on 2013-03-25 20:56:00 UTC Reply

Hello! Nice to meet a fellow AF fan. Have a sparkly thing. It throw good.
Imaginary cat... hmmm... yep, reminds me of my imaginary dragon, post-Eragon...Trainwreck syndrome... got it! Got it! The fics I've read... and flamed... and learned what concrit is... oh, yes. Spelling Nazi good.
Welcome to the mildly insane Board!
Hi there by SingingTheThunder on 2013-03-24 23:10:00 UTC Reply

Yay, a Tamora Pierce fan. Have some griffin fletched arrows. Hit whatever you aim at and force people to tell the truth.
Hullo! by Lilac Lielac on 2013-03-24 14:55:00 UTC Reply

Velcome, velcome! Have a box of matches and a super-size bottle of Bleeprin.

And though the Inheritance Cycle is terrible, I know quite a lot of bizarre trivia on it nevertheless.

Oh, god. Welcome to the club. It's terrible, but I know the canon inside and out and I could, technically, do a mission in it. But most of said mission would be my agents muttering "I must not charge the canons with being Sues..." over and over again.

We have a club? by Outhra on 2013-03-25 04:11:00 UTC Reply

I read all four books, the first two before I was well-versed enough to realize that they were more than just the usual sort of bad, and I know most of what makes its canon tick, in-story geographical and psychological aberrations notwithstanding for obvious reasons. It's annoying, really, since I also know that everything going on there would be a mess to write a mission on. You can't tell how warped a canon is when it was never put together well in the first place.

For example, I realize now that for most of the secondary characters, diagnosing character replacement would be impossible, due to how much their personalities vacillate randomly in the course of the story itself. It was pretty egregious, especially with King Orrin.
That, and the magic system and laws of physics bend over backwards to give all of any protagonists's opponents a hard time, except in the case of Galbatorix, who, in order to be on the same level as the protagonists for the Big Showdown, goes from malevolent caricature to Villain Stu in the course of one scene. That has to be some sort of record. What sort of scale would we judge Suvian manipulation of the world's rules when they aren't internally consistent in the original story?

I'm going to stop now before this turns into a rant, assuming that it hasn't already.

Rants are cool. Like bowties and fezzes. by Lilac Lielac on 2013-03-25 16:37:00 UTC Reply

Your point about vacillating personalities is definitely a good one. Perhaps it would be possible to pin down when the offending fic takes place, and take what 'should' be canon from around then... or just give it up as a bad job and spend our mental energy on surviving bad smut.

There is one Eragon fic that's awful beyond question. by Outhra on 2013-03-25 22:26:00 UTC Reply

With that continuum, only the worst of the worst fics should even be considered for missions, since the canon is so full of Suvians that, as you said, agents would have a hard time not killing the canons before leaving the world. That being said, if anyone ever goes to the Inheritance continuum again, they should kill this repulsive mess before doing anything else. (If you didn't pick up on it in the post title, the story is definitely a Bleepfic, so proceed with caution if you click on the link.) Even by the standards of that continuum, it is horrendous.
When a crossover mini using two continua that are not even being written about in the rest of the fic, two Norse mythology minis (mini-jötunn? mini-svartálfar? mini-norns? These are all good mini ideas, I think.), trivialization of psychopathic murder (and in the Inheritance continuum, that's saying something), a talking egg, spelling and grammar so bad that entire paragraphs lose their meaning, and at least eight major Mary Sue tropes are used within the first chapter, and the main character is a demigod Sue that upstages every one of the already incredibly Suvian dragon riders, the story is a big enough blight that no Flower would deny the need for it to be purged.

On the bright side, the agents who'd run that mission would get to be the first people to charge for trans-dimensional snatching of a god from World One mythology, at least as far as I know. Wait, that's only a bright side when you look past how incredibly stupid that charge is, or rather, how stupid the situation would have to be to make that charge.

I wonder what a mini-Gohma and mini-Balrog would even look like crossed together. I'm imagining a scorpion creature with horns, a carapace radiating intense heat, and segmented demonic limbs. It would probably be able to set its claws on fire to imitate the blazing swords that some Balrogs carry.

Must...resist...urge...to...MST! (nm) by SeaTurtle on 2013-03-26 12:00:00 UTC Reply
Oh, and by Lilac Lielac on 2013-03-26 01:00:00 UTC Reply

One of the genres is 'parody'. If it's not a troll, I'll eat my CAD.
-crosses eyes in pain- by Lilac Lielac on 2013-03-26 00:58:00 UTC Reply

That.

That thing looped around from OH GOD WHAT straight back into PFFFFFFFFHAHAHAHAHAH. It's so ridiculous I'm going to have to call troll on it, though it's only a preliminary analysis based on my gut reaction.

... I'm going to read up on the DoI, Troll-fics, and get to sharpening my knives...

Ah. At least this one was a real troll. by Outhra on 2013-03-26 02:47:00 UTC Reply

I didn't want to read any more of that fic than I had to, which led to me missing that important detail. That, and I almost never read the genre tags regardless of the fic's quality. It's still a repugnant mess, though, and troll fiction that's that painful to read is still treated as badfic, so it should be purged anyway.

I don't know who takes charge of it now, though. If it was just a regular preposterously overpowered Sue, the Department of Mary Sues would take it without question(though with considerable retching), but bad troll fiction has been handled by DMS, the Department of Technical Errors, and in one case, the Department of Bad Parody.
They all have legitimate claims to troll disposal, though the Department of Bad Parody's one (unfinished, to boot) Troll Division mission created some sort of giant Troll Author Avatar to cause trouble and never actually showed it or what it could do before the mission was abandoned, and I have no idea how much that affects the mission format in general for bad trollfic.

If you end up killing it yourself, can I adopt Blard the mini-Norse mythological figure(jötunn?)? I promise I won't let him freeze anyone to death unless there's no other option...
The adoption center will probably have a hard time adopting out Ganondalf, but I'm sure that there's a special room for crossover minis.

Re: Hullo! by AelinTheAmazing on 2013-03-24 19:53:00 UTC Reply

It bothers me, how much horrible writing ends up becoming incredibly popular. The number of examples I could cite.... agh.

-gets into spoiler territory- by Lilac Lielac on 2013-03-24 19:55:00 UTC Reply

I think it's that the story is good enough to pass muster, but the writing is... ehhhhhhhh... and also the majority doesn't notice godawful things like Eragon murdering a kid in cold blood for the crime of being on the wrong side.

Ahoy thar! by Tray-Gnome on 2013-03-24 14:53:00 UTC Reply

Here, have some chocolate rainbow cake and a conical hat! (it's made of tin foil and duct tape!)

Additionally, have some newbie links!

This is the PPC Constitution! I know it's linked at the top of the Board, but it really is very important that you read it, so here it is just to make sure!
Here we have PPC: The Original Series! This is the other bit of required reading. Again, just to make sure!
And over here is the newbie FAQ! If you haven't read it already, it is a very Good Thing to do so. It's really quite helpful.
Just in case you're interested in writing your very own PPC spin-off some day, you'll find the Permission FAQ here. Please note that it is in no way essential to get Permission. We're primarily here for the social, and getting Permission is not really needed to fit in. But! If you want to write a spin-off, by all means, apply when you feel you're ready!
Finally, this is the PPC chat. While it can get slow at times, it's usually a pretty fun place. If you ever have any questions, or are just feeling bored, feel free to pop in! We're all pretty welcoming. Just... don't feed the Lielac. We think she might have rabies.

Rabies?! Hold still, you, and you'll have rabies--! (nm) by Lilac Lielac on 2013-03-24 14:56:00 UTC Reply

I don't think zombies can get rabies, dear. (nm) by Tray-Gnome on 2013-03-24 14:57:00 UTC Reply

No, that's because you are rabies. (nm) by Lilac Lielac on 2013-03-24 14:58:00 UTC Reply

...That doesn't even make sense. (nm) by Tray-Gnome on 2013-03-24 14:58:00 UTC Reply

Sure it does! Biting, frothing at the mouth... (nm) by Lilac Lielac on 2013-03-24 15:00:00 UTC Reply

I'll have you know I have never frothed in my life! (nm) by Tray-Gnome on 2013-03-24 15:12:00 UTC Reply

Suuuure you haven't. -floofles the zombie squirrel- (nm) by Lilac Lielac on 2013-03-24 15:13:00 UTC Reply

Hello! by Ivan the Not-so-Terrible on 2013-03-24 06:26:00 UTC Reply

Welcome to the board! An Astérix fan, eh? I'm tempted to call you Polyglotix or something... Aha! I dub thee... Eccentrix!
Welcome, welcome! by Rina on 2013-03-24 05:02:00 UTC Reply

You seem like a really fun person to be with. Nice to meet you!
Please have some of my rock-hard muffins (projectiles, don't eat), a box full of Japanese Manga, and some really yummy chocolates!
Welcome! by Lynne Lloyd on 2013-03-24 03:39:00 UTC Reply

You sound like the perfect kind of crazy for around here! Welcome aboard! (pun always intended) Have a big, shiny umbrella! Comes in patterns of polka-dot Sue colors.
Good to have you aboard! by Silken Dawn on 2013-03-24 03:17:00 UTC Reply

Hi, Aelin, and welcome to the Board! Your "eccentric tendencies" will serve you well here.
Please have this one (1) Fluffy Wambler! Although it's native to the Dwarf Fortress continuum, it's ridiculously adorable anywhere.
It looks like you have a wide range of fandoms to contribute to the PPC. I'm always glad to see more Whofans, and the rest look wonderful as well. I wonder if there's been a Shakespeare mission? That could produce some staggeringly awful badfic.
Anyway, see you around the Board!

Re: Good to have you aboard! by AelinTheAmazing on 2013-03-24 19:50:00 UTC Reply

Oh my goodness. It's so zarking adorable I think I may have to squeeze it until it implodes.

I don't know about any other Shakespeare plays... I do, however, know that there is Romeo and Juliet fic.

Quite a few fandoms there.... by son_of_heaven176 on 2013-03-24 02:26:00 UTC Reply

Hi and welcome to the PPC. It looks like you've already left your sanity at the door, so you'll fit in quite well! I wonder what kind of missions you will be writing once you get Permission. DTE? DF? The good old DMS?

Oh yeah, your gift!
*rummages through Pokemon-Trainer-issue bag of holding*
*holds Poke Ball* Aha!
(SFX: Poke Ball opening)
Meet Ditto. But it's not just any Ditto: It's a Pokemon Adventures-verse Ditto, able to Transform into anything that it has seen, not just anything in front of it. (If you've read the manga, you know that this is what Green's Ditto can do.) Perfect for such a multi-fandom Boarder like yourself!

Re: Quite a few fandoms there.... by AelinTheAmazing on 2013-03-24 19:49:00 UTC Reply

Is it just me, or is anyone else of the opinion that Ditto looks like a blob of bubble gum?

Maybe it is just me...

Hello, hello! by KittyNoodles on 2013-03-23 20:57:00 UTC Reply

Welcome to the Board, Aelin! I'm KittyNoodles, and as a welcome gift I have placed one box of bleepnerds and an Odd Container in your inventory!

Odd Container
Item Level 1
Chance on Opening: Receive one huggle or one spray of confetti - your choice
[This container is perfectly spherical and appears to have been crafted from glite-painted wood. Its weight shifts at odd intervals, and you can't shake the feeling that opening it may prove hazardous to your health if you aren't cautious.]

...Ignore that last bit, the flavor text hates me...
Hello and Welcome! by Riese on 2013-03-23 20:25:00 UTC Reply

In continuation of my tradition of giving newbies dangerous presents, I present to you three kunai, an RPG-7, a zweihänder, and a crate of No. 76 incendiary grenades. Try not to have too much fun! (Pff yeah right)

I can match you on Doctor Who, Tammy Pierce, Graceling, Narnia, LoTR, and Monty Python. Glad to 'ave you aboard!

(And please please please keep the RPG and phosphorous grenades away from the Flowers. Explosives and incendiaries make them nervous.)

Re: Hello and Welcome! by AelinTheAmazing on 2013-03-24 19:47:00 UTC Reply

Grenades... *rubs hands together, cackling maniacally*

Rest assured though, I won't set them off in HQ.

...Probably. Heh.

Newbie! by Karen on 2013-03-23 19:26:00 UTC Reply

You need a cookie. Have one.

Also you speak languages! Neat!
Salutaions! by Myrddin on 2013-03-23 19:06:00 UTC Reply

Howdy, howdy, how...dy! *tries to mimic inflection with which this phrase is always said by my father*

Welcome, welcome, I see we share several fandoms. Artemis Fowl, Chronicles of Narnia, Doctor Who (to a small extent, it's awesome, but I haven't seen much), Lord of the Rings, and Pokémon! Although I am a wee bit intimidated by your language proficiency. ^_^; I suppose that just means I should get off my bum and fix that is all. XD Are you into manga in general, or just Astérix and the Phoenix, which is unfamilar to me.

I am a little curious how your imaginary cat would get along with my invisible guinea pig? Think they would be friends? It is a rather large guinea pig after all. Now on to gifts, you must have gifts to welcome you! I'd like to present you with a mysterious pokéball, rumored to contain a shiny little Skitty and a jar containing a will 'o the wisp flame. And my invisible guinea pig insists I throw in a pack of limited edition Alantian sponge capsules he just picked up on his last visit home. Just add water and you get an instant full sized sponge city with architectural design style(s) of your whim!

Re: Salutaions! by AelinTheAmazing on 2013-03-23 20:14:00 UTC Reply

Manga is a favorite genre of mine, though I haven't read a lot more than what's listed here. I'm not sure if Astérix is technically manga, since that's usually Japanese, but I do love it.
Perhaps I will use these sponges to make a replica of Rivendell, my favorite fictional city of all time. ;)
I think our invisible pets would certainly get along well! Thankfully, I've managed to train said cat to not eat any small furry animals belonging to other people, as it tends to offend them.

Re: Salutaions! by Myrddin on 2013-03-29 01:32:00 UTC Reply

Ah, well there is an awful lot of manga out there so that's not really as surprising as one might fear. XD Some of my favorites are Hana Kimi, W Juliet, Black Butler, Demon Diary, Vampire Game, Red River, anything by Yuu Watase, Kodocha, Sailor Moon (I love the new release with the Japanese names!) and Trigun.

Nice! I would love to visit sometime! The last time I broke them out in public, I had several people (and a sheep, though they were more concerned with chewing on the place than designing it) designing the rooms, we had quite the mish-mash palace. XD My guinea pig lives on an island that tows around the Bermuda Triangle, but I hear he's docked right now, so I told him he should come visit too. ^_^

Well met, fellow eccentric! by hermione of vulcan on 2013-03-23 17:53:00 UTC Reply

All of us are slightly insane, and most of us suffer from train-wreck syndrome. You'll fit right in.

A fellow Sherlock fan, violinist, and tribble-lover. Wonderful! Do you tend to play first or second violin? I don't really have a preference. And I have just the perfect newbie gift for you...your very own tribble! (I run the Star Trek fanfiction university, so I pretend that gives me access to anything I want in the Trekverse.)

Anyway, welcome!

Re: Well met, fellow eccentric! by AelinTheAmazing on 2013-03-23 20:22:00 UTC Reply

On the subject of violin, I don't mind either way - it depends on the piece I'm working on at any given time.

Tribbles, in my opinion, are some of the cutest things that anyone has ever created, although that may just be my affinity for cuteness as an aid to evil. And I just got a Cybermat, so now they won't be lonely. Heh.

Hi to you! by Khaosity on 2013-03-23 12:22:00 UTC Reply

Have some Bleep'n'ms as a welcome gift! Also, have an Unspecified Plushie (turns into your favorite character)! I like Narnia and Watership Down, too, but I decided that it would be in the best interests of my childhood not to read any fanfic in those categories. Monty Python is, of course, amazing, and I tend to randomly sing songs from Sweeney Todd when I'm bored. Sometimes even in public :-) We most definitely share the Lord of the Rings fandom! Do you read Silmarillion fanfic, too? (Excuse my enthusiasm, I've been reading almost nothing but Silmfic for the last week...)

Re: Hi to you! by Anonymous on 2013-03-23 15:31:00 UTC Reply

While not as much as LotR, I do read Silmarillion fanfic. Sweeney Todd is a favorite musical of mine, too, though I'm not as familiar with it as some others.

Re: Hi to you! by AelinTheAmazing on 2013-03-23 15:32:00 UTC Reply

Heh, sorry. That was me.

AnonymousAelin? by Khaosity on 2013-03-23 16:18:00 UTC Reply

To go along with AnonymousSC and... some others, I believe? :-)
I like some other musicals, too, but Sweeney Todd is definitely my favorite. Second place would go to Jesus Christ Superstar, if you count it as a musical and not a rock opera. Musical or not, it's still awesome.

Rock opera? What's that? (nm) by son_of_heaven176 on 2013-03-24 02:31:00 UTC Reply

Re: Rock opera? What's that? by Khaosity on 2013-03-24 11:31:00 UTC Reply

What JCS is, apparently, due to it having no dialogue, just songs. Don't worry, I don't really understand it either :-)

Huh. Welcome. by MAXinsanity on 2013-03-23 07:05:00 UTC Reply

I'll be watching you...

Re: Huh. Welcome. by AelinTheAmazing on 2013-03-23 15:31:00 UTC Reply

...Okay then.

Good to have you a-Board! by doctorlit on 2013-03-23 05:23:00 UTC Reply

Greetings, new friend! Have an unwritten book.

Another animal fan! I work in a petting zoo, where I get to care for fourteen Japanese silkies. We must throw a chicken party!

*throws a chicken party*

Re: Good to have you a-Board! by Anonymous on 2013-03-23 15:34:00 UTC Reply

*celebrates with you*

Sadly, I live in an urban neighborhood, and thus am not allowed to have any chickens. I am forced to admire them from afar. I do, however, have a pet diamond dove. Look 'em up - they're native to Australia.

Re: Good to have you a-Board! by AelinTheAmazing on 2013-03-23 15:34:00 UTC Reply

Ahh, sheesh. I keep doing that. Again, this is moi.

Hello! by Pauline07 on 2013-03-23 04:13:00 UTC Reply

Hi! Another newbie....I'm still fresh on the board as well! Anyway, it's nice to see you.
As for your gift, try some Bleepolate Ice Cream, with extra chocolate. Hopefully this will help you with your train-wreck syndrome!

Re: Hello! by AelinTheAmazing on 2013-03-23 15:35:00 UTC Reply

Hi! Glad to meet someone else new.

*tries ice cream* I pity everyone who never gets to have this...

Thanks! by Pauline07 on 2013-03-23 21:29:00 UTC Reply

Glad to be of service! Can't wait to talk to you around the board a bit as well

'Sup! by SpecstacularSC on 2013-03-23 03:57:00 UTC Reply

Goodness, did you breathe through any of that?

LA, huh? If I'm right, Modesto is near to the LA area (3-ish hours?), and I am currently living in Modesto...

So, outside of my sister and I think one other boarder, you're the closest boarder I know. Huh.

Gah, I'm getting off topic. Newbie gets gift from teh Specs:

A suit of armor!

Comes with full or half plate, chain mail hauburgeon, leather leggings, steel-plate greaves, steel-plate gauntlets, steel-plate pauldrons, and a headpiece of your choice.

Is somewhat heavy, mind.

Re: 'Sup! by AelinTheAmazing on 2013-03-23 15:37:00 UTC Reply

Nice to know someone nearby. I've never been to Modesto specifically, but I've probably passed it on one trip or another...

And thanks for the armor! I'm big on weaponry and such. Comes from being in a Latin culture class. You gain an appreciation for that kind of thing.

Re: 'Sup! by SpecstacularSC on 2013-03-24 01:07:00 UTC Reply

So, to recap:

1. You're one of the closest boarders to me
2. You're into reasons and such, which - on the wiki - I have my name listed as a go-to guy because I'm into the same thing

WHAT.

Welcome to the Board! by Outhra on 2013-03-23 03:08:00 UTC Reply

Hi there! With that description, it looks to me like you'll fit right in! I'm going to be the guy who posts the link to the Wiki, assuming that someone else doesn't get to it already before this post goes up. There's the Board Constitution there, the PPC history, most of the missions, and other things you'll generally want to read.

Oh, and if you've gone onto the Board before, you'll know that we enjoy giving the new arrivals gifts! Let's look through your fandoms for a bit.. ooh, Pern and LotR; the admins will love you. Ah, we share the Doctor Who fandom! That's good, because I've a got an adorable little Cybermat here that I've been wanting to give someone for a while now. Don't worry about the teeth; he's domesticated. He might go after a neighborhood dog or too, but that's only because they don't have any robot parts. It's a perfectly logical reaction.

Re: Welcome to the Board! by AelinTheAmazing on 2013-03-23 04:16:00 UTC Reply

Aww, cute! I get it, you can't expect him to like dogs when he's never seen one before. I'm sure it will only take some time for him to get used to them.
Typo's no problem - it happens to me all the time. Usually when I'm mailing someone on my phone. The AutoCorrect function needs a little work.
I checked out the wiki a few months ago, but I definitely needed a bit of a crash course, so thanks for posting the link.
*two by Outhra on 2013-03-23 03:10:00 UTC Reply

How embarrassing! A typo in a post on someone's newbie thread! Here, have a few Bleeprin so that you can forget that this ever happened.