Subject: I'd like some advice on this Despatch case
Author:
Posted on: 2014-07-30 16:18:00 UTC

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9549791/1/

I'd also like advice for this one Despatch case I'm working on. It starts off with a lot of subjective things for my charge-happy agent to get peeved at, but not much she's allowed to write down as actual charges. (Continuity error on a rocking chair, somewhat believable rich-girl life.) I don't think it's a charge for accidentally naming a SI Emma Watson.

It's a mildly decent fi...il about chapter 8 where Rainbow Dash gets mixed up with a drug dealer who's also a serial killer. Rainbow Dash gets tortured, and dies for six minutes in chapter 10 after she's on an ambulance gurney. The paramedics don't seem to be doing CPR or anything, then Fluttershy yells at her and she comes back to life. (What should be done about the serial killer if the agent removes the evidence? Will he just die with the fic?)

That part has admitted lack-of-research on the effects of crack, I don't know how much she's off yet. Afterwards, I'm bothered by what is allowed to happen during the hospital scenes.

I'm thinking it would be alright to kill the fic early in the torture scene, sending Dash to Medical and yelling at the self-insert for just the chapter 8-10 stuff.

Later on, I think there is a screw-up between insulin and epinephrine. Why the guy wouldn't excuse himself to the bathroom, I don't know.

The rest is just dull but not bad, unless something happens after chapter 15.

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